


Coming Home

by nerdylife



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst and humor maybe?, F/F, I promise, Not too angsty, Sanvers - Freeform, Some fluff too, Temporary Amnesia, Turns out there will be angst, amnesia trope, i think, s2 continuation, without some of the s2 bs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-24
Updated: 2018-07-14
Packaged: 2018-12-19 10:02:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 47,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11895390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nerdylife/pseuds/nerdylife
Summary: Set after the season finale, Alex and Maggie are happily engaged.After moving in with Alex, Maggie gets injured on the job and loses her memory. The last thing she can remember is meeting Agent Danvers after the president got attacked, and now she wakes up a year later engaged to the very same woman.(Mon-El never happend, Kara is single and as happy as can be)





	1. Prologue (Maggie)

**Author's Note:**

> This will be mostly Maggie's pov, except for maybe one or two chapters. I am a sucker for amnesia fics and have not seen any for the Alex/Maggie pairing so I figured I would give it a shot. Let me know what you think and if you would like to see more of it :)
> 
> Chapter 1: Maggie moves in and an accident happens.

“This is the last of it.” Maggie put down a box labeled '(leather) jackets' and wiped her forehead. She looked over the few boxes and bags scattered all around her fiancees apartment that they would share for the next two months. As much as she liked the place, she refused to live in a flat without a bedroom door for the foreseeable future, especially when her future sister in law had a tendency to barge in at any given moment, without knocking. But her lease was running out and they would not be able to move into their new place for another two months, so she had agreed to move in with Alex in the meantime. It's not like she had been spending much time at her own place, anyway.

Maggie felt two hands grabbing her waist and pulling her back, as one hand sneaked around her from behind to hold her close. “You know, carrying all this stuff was really exhausting. We should probably wait until tomorrow with the unpacking and head straight to bed.” Maggie allowed herself to relax into Alex and closed her eyes contently. Before she could take her fiancee up on her offer though, she remembered their plans for the rest of the day and turned around to smirk up at Alex.

“It's three in the afternoon, Danvers. Also, didn't your sister want to come by to celebrate moving day? I really do not want to traumatize her.” She chuckled as she remembered a highly scandalized Kara in full Supergirl outfit fleeing the apartment after flying in on them one night. “Again.”

Alex pulled away and closed her eyes, not quite as amused by the memory as Maggie was. “Ugh don't remind me. Kara refused to look me in the eyes for at least a week after that.” She took in the boxes and bags on her floor. “I still can't believe we got all your stuff over here with one car ride.”

Maggie shrugged. “What can I say? My flat was fully furnished and I like to travel light.” She had learned that lesson when she was kicked out by her parents at age fourteen. Her aunt had taken her in, sure. But deep down, she had always felt like a guest in her home for the four years she lived there. When she left she could put her belongings in one bag. That bag had now expanded to multiple bags and boxes and that in itself was a win for Maggie. But she wasn't going to bring that up now. Not today. Not when she had just gotten engaged. Moving in should be a happy occasion and she was determined to keep it that way.

Alex studied her carefully. Of course she noticed that there was more to it, Maggie thought. Despite the fact that they had only known each other for a little over a year, Alex could read her like a book. She had been able to peek behind the facade almost instantly, and the more time they spend together the better she got at reading her. And surprisingly, Maggie didn't mind one bit. On more than one occasion Alex had proven that not only did she love her despite her flaws and mistakes, but because of them. Knowing she would not be judged for the messes she had created in her past made it easy to open up.

She leaned up and kissed Alex slowly. “We'll talk about it some other time, okay?”

“You promise?” Maggie found nothing but complete trust and adoration in her fiancees eyes.

“I promise.” Maggie kissed her again, with more heat this time. When she felt Alex respond she pulled away and threw a flirtatious grin at her fiancee.

“Now, I do believe your sister will be here in an hour or so and I for one am in desperate need of a shower.” She slowly walked towards the bathroom, shedding her clothes as she walked. By the time she had reached the shower she heard quick footsteps behind her and grinned triumphantly. Looks like they would get to celebrate moving in together properly after all.

Xxx

They barely managed to make themselves presentable when there was a knock on the door. Maggie quickly snagged away the bra that she had carelessly dropped on the floor before taking a shower, and headed to the door.

“Looks like little Danvers has finally discovered the concept of knocking.” She opened the door to find a blushing Kara on the other side and grinned widely. “Hey Kara, why don't you come in?”

Kara huffed. “Hey I heard that. And believe me, I have learned my lesson. I might be traumatized for life.” She shoved a small bonsai tree into Maggies hands. “Moving in gift. Fair warning, and I think you already know that but I am going to say it anyway: never leave Alex to take care of it, or this plant will die a miserable death.”

Maggie hugged Kara, hard. How did Kara even know that she liked Bonsai trees, let alone care enough to remember and get her one as a moving in present? The two of them did not have the best start. At first Kara was wary because she rejected Alex initially. Then came the realization that Alex would be spending a lot of time with Maggie and Kara felt left out. There was little Maggie could do about that problem. She knew that the sisters shared a special bond, and she was the last person who wanted to get in between that. But in the end it was up to Alex to strike a balance between her relationship with her, and with her sister. By the time Alex had successfully reassured her sister, Maggie's old professional annoyance at Supergirl had come back and that had lead to further arguments. It was only after they had rescued Alex from her kidnapper that the two of them had finally managed to relax around on another and accept each other as important parts of Alex's life.

And now? Now, Kara was her little sister, even though it would take another half year for that to be official. Before she could actually get teary eyed about how much her life had improved since she met Alex, she let go of Kara.

“Oh believe me, I learned that lesson early on. The one time I had to go out of state for a case, Alex managed to drown one bonsai while forgetting to give any water to the other ones. Next time you'll be on plant duty, little Danvers.” She was still amazed how someone as smart, brilliant and organized at her job as Alex managed to be a complete mess when it came to simple housework. One would think watering plants was a lot easier than working in the DEO lab with lethal liquids but apparently no, for Alex it wasn't.

Alex had finally made it out of the bathroom in the meantime and decided to chime in. “Next time will probably be our honeymoon anyway.”

Maggie felt a wave of happiness wash over her. Honeymoon. They were actually going to get married. She still couldn't believe it, even though she's had four weeks to get used to it and they had successfully gone apartment hunting together. There would be a honeymoon. She would have a wife. She had lived together with two of her ex-girlfriends but she never managed to reach the point where she knew she wanted to spend her life with them. Now she couldn't wait for the rest of her life to start.

She poked Alex in the ribs. “We can't have our honeymoon be our first trip away, Danvers. I know you are a workaholic, but we'll have to do at least a weekend trip before that.” She smiled at the thought. Unbeknownst to Alex she had already booked tickets for a weekend trip to Midvale for the two of them. She had talked to Eliza and made sure to check with J'onn that Alex would have a few days off. Three days of them not worrying about anything but lazying around on the beach. It would be great.

“Takes one to know one.” Alex kissed her cheek before moving to greet her sister.

Kara smiled widely. “You guys are adorable. I am so happy for you! Now, I brought ice cream, and I believe it is time to introduce Maggie to sister night. Well, afternoon, but for a proper binge session we have to start early. I even brought some of that vegan ice cream that Alex keeps complaining about.” With that Kara dragged the engaged couple to the sofa and started Netflix.

Xxx

The next day Maggie turned in her paperwork regarding her change of residency and officially named Alex next of kin. Under normal circumstances she hated paperwork but this? This was paperwork she was more than happy to fill out.

Her partner Conway tried to steal her coffee but she simply moved the cup away with a smile. “Damn, Sawyer, what happened to you? Kill someone on your way to work? I have never seen you smile that much before lunch.”

She smiled. Conway knew damn well that she had moved in with Alex yesterday and had been teasing her relentlessly for weeks. She sure as hell wasn't going to give in now. “That's only because I have to stare at your ugly mug all day, Conway.”

The old detective chuckled. “Well played, Sawyer. Buckle up kid, we have a robbery on the 22nd.” Maggie took one last sip from her coffee, put on her bulletproof vest and followed her partner to the police car.

The crime scene was a mess. Multiple heavily armed robbers, hostages and civilians trying to observe the action. Before she could even leave the car she heard screaming.

The last thing Maggie saw before blacking out was a big projectile flying straight at their car.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> disclaimer: no wlw will be killed over the course of this fic. probably no one else either.


	2. Living a nightmare (Alex)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex is faced with the possibility of losing Maggie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo I know the tags promise that this is going to be light on the angst but this chapter ran away from me. This is angst. Full on angst. BUT I promise I'll find my inner comedian for the next one. Let me know what you think, it helps me type so much faster :)

It was a slow morning at the DEO. National City had been eerily quiet when it came to alien activity since the Daxamite invasion had ended. Now all that was left to do was to analyze what the invaders had left and rebuild their defenses. Alex would still have to wait another day for any decent lab results so she was down in the operations center and monitored police radio chatter in order to direct Kara if necessary. 

It had been a month since the attack and National City was still reeling from the destruction. Supergirl did her best and helped out where she could but even she had limits. Still, improvements were visible. Alex didn't think it was possible, but Supergirl had become even more revered to the citizens of National City. Not that she could fault them for it. Kara had saved the City for a second time, and this time in spectacular fashion.

Her musings were interrupted when suddenly two alarms showed up on the monitors. Looked like Supergirls morning was about to become a lot busier. 

“Kara there is an explosion near CatCo and a bank robbery on the 22nd. The cops should be able to handle the robbery until you arrive, NCPD has already been dispatched. That explosion sounds bad though, you better hurry.” 

“Copy that.” Alex relaxed back into her seat but continued to observe both situations closely. By the time Kara had put out most of the fires caused by the explosion the situation at the bank had worsened significantly. She paged Kara again.

“Supergirl that robbery on 22nd just went sideways. Some idiot fired a rocket launcher at a police car. Four injured as far as I can tell. You need to get there as soon as possible!”

“On my way! Do you know if Maggie is there?”

Alex felt her stomach sink. She hadn't even considered that her fiancee might have been among the cops dispatched to the robbery. No. It couldn't be. Maggie wasn't at the robbery. Maggie was probably doing paperwork at the precinct and was safe and sound. There were hundreds of cops out there, no reason to automatically assume the worst. 

Still she checked her phone. She found a text message from Maggie from half an hour ago, complaining about paperwork. The bank was close to the precinct though. Maggie would have had plenty of time to get there in the past thirty minutes. Alex tried calling but no one picked up. She took a deep breath. Maggie was probably just too busy to check her phone. No need to panic. Yet. 

“Kara, any updates?”

“I have disarmed the robbers and freed the hostages. According to the police here one detective was hurt pretty badly when the robbers shot something at a police car. Both she and her partner were taken to a hospital.”

She. Dammit. That sick feeling in her stomach intensified. “Kara, did you see Maggie down there? I know it's probably silly, but she isn't answering her phone and I just...”

She was interrupted by her phone ringing. Unknown number. This wasn't happening. This couldn't be happening. Maggie was fine. She answered the call with shaky fingers. 

“Danvers.”

“Miss Danvers, this is Detective Conway. I am Maggies partner. I... there is no easy way to say this, your fiancee was injured on the job just a few minutes ago. Both of us were actually, but Maggie took the brunt of it. We are on our way to National City Hospital right now. You should probably get here soon. She... she is not doing so great.”

And just like that, it felt like all the air had been sucked out of the room.

Xxx

Alex paced frantically along the hospital floor. Kara had tried to get her to sit down but there was no way she could stay still. Not when Maggies life was hanging in the balance. All they had told her was that Maggie was currently being operated on and it was difficult to tell how bad the injuries were. She tried to explain to them that she was a doctor and they could just tell her what was wrong but no one budged. So all she could do was wait. 

It was her fault. She could have just sent Kara to the robbery instead of the explosion and Maggie would have been fine. Instead, her fiancee was somewhere in this hospital fighting for her life. Alex can't remember the last time she felt this powerless. Kara was indestructible. And when her opponents seemed too powerful for even the girl of steel Alex was right by her side, helping her fight. And win. Hell, she had even flown into space to get her sister back. Now there was nothing she could do, nothing she could say, no one to beat up. 

Kara stayed by her side and was soon joined by James and Winn. No one spoke a word. After a while a few police officers in uniform showed up and introduced themselves as Maggies colleagues. Alex recognized a few of the names from some of the more extravagant police adventures Maggie had told her about. Under normal circumstances she would have been happy to finally be able to put faces to the names but right now all she could do was nod stiffly as they told her how strong her fiancee was and that she was sure to pull through. 

It felt like hours before finally a doctor showed up, still in ER scrubs, looking exhausted.

“Miss Danvers? Detective Sawyer made it through the operation. Your fiancee has several broken ribs and a broken arm. There was some internal bleeding but we could fix it. Other than that she seems fine, physically.”

Maggie had pulled through. Alex felt like she could breathe for the first time since her phone rang this morning. Maggie was going to be fine. But before the relief could settle in the doctor continued.

“We are worried about possible head trauma though. Her CT scan came back clean but she has a severe concussion that could lead to loss of speech, motoric functions or memories. We will know more when she wakes up. Unfortunately that is all I can tell you right now.”

Alex closed her eyes and exhaled. It didn't matter. Right now, all that mattered was that Maggie had survived. Everything else they would deal with afterwards. 

Xxx

Alex sat next to her unconscious fiancee, listening to the steady, reassuring beat of the heart monitor. The doctor had explained that it could take up to another day until Maggie would wake up and suggested Alex go home to rest for a few hours but Alex refused to leave her side. 

Somehow, Maggie had survived. According to some of her colleagues at the scene one of the robbers had shot at the police car Maggie was sitting in with a rocket launcher and somehow the car had only somersaulted a couple of times instead of exploding right on the spot. She didn't even want to think about how close to dying the other woman had come. Alex couldn't bear the thought. She had known Maggie for a little over a year now and she could barely remember her life before the detective had turned her world upside down. 

Before she had met Maggie the only time she had been able to let her guard down was when she was alone with Kara. And even then she was still the older sister, responsible for Kara's well being and trying to help her integrate into this strange world. With Maggie she could just be. Her fiancee had not only helped her out of the closet, she got her in ways no one else ever had. And as she slowly opened up to Maggie she also started to open up to other people around her. James, Winn, people she regarded as good acquaintances and Karas friends before, became her second family. 

And one idiot had almost taken it away from her. Alex knew that both of them worked dangerous jobs in a world with aliens with unimaginable powers. Both of them had brought home their fair share of work related injuries. Hell, they had only gotten together after Maggie had been shot by a laser beam. 

A groan interrupted her increasingly dark thoughts. The hand she was holding twitched and those eyes she was desperate to see, fluttered open. Alex almost had to smile. Leave it to Maggie to wake up hours before she was supposed to. 

“Maggie! Thank god, you are awake!”

The detectives face scrunched up in pain. She opened her mouth but no sound came out. Alex tried to reassure her.

“Everything is fine, honey. There was a bank robbery and you got injured.” 

“Where... Where am I?” Maggie croaked.

Alex squeezed her hand. “You are at the National City hospital. You got hurt pretty badly, Maggie. Had me worried there for a second.”

Maggie pulled her hand away and studied Alex for a long moment. There was none of the warmth that Alex had come to expect in her eyes. Only a look of utter confusion.

“What happened?”

“I wasn't there, but from what I was told you and Conway were called to a robbery. Before you could even leave the car one of the robbers shot at the car with a rocket launcher.”

Alex tried to put her hand on Maggie's again, but her fiancee pulled away again. The look of confusion slowly turned into open distrust. 

“I don't remember being called to a robbery. And it doesn't explain what you of all people are doing here.”

Something clearly wasn't right. The last time Maggie had been this hostile was when they met on that airplane hanger for the very first time. And to be fair, though Alex would never admit it to Maggie, it was her who had set the tone that day. She remembered the doctors warning and sighed.

“The doctor said there might be some memory loss. What is the last thing you remember?”

“Are you kidding me?” Maggie threw her a heated glance. “The last thing I remember is you kicking me out of my crime scene. What did you government goons do to me?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you liked it!  
> *hides in a corner.


	3. Brave new world (Maggie)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maggie wakes up to a new reality.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the kudos and comments. They make my day, honestly. 
> 
> This chapter was getting too long so I had to split it into two parts. This is part one. Again, angstier than intended, sorry. Those ladies have a long road ahead of them. I hope you like it anyway, please let me know what you think!

The first thing Maggie noticed upon waking up was an intense headache, that was not helped by the steady beeping sound next to her. Someone was holding her hand. Where the hell was she? She tried to open her eyes, and regretted it immediately when the bright fluorescent light send a fresh wave of pain straight to her brain. 

“Maggie! Thank god, you are awake!” The joyous exclamation by whomever was holing her hand was not really helping with the head situation. Her face scrunched up in discomfort. Trying to find the source of her pain she looked up and saw that the hand she was holding belonged to... Agent Danvers? That arrogant, stuck-up woman who had marched into her crime scene and all but kicked her out before... What had happened? How did she end up in a hospital bed? She tried to ask the question but was unable to produce a sound. 

“Everything is fine, honey. There was a bank robbery and you got injured.” Honey? What the hell was going on here? She tried to speak again, this time with more success.

“Where... Where am I?” 

The red haired agent squeezed her hand and explained. “You are at the National City hospital. You got hurt pretty badly, Maggie. Had me worried there for a second.”

Maggie pulled her hand away and gave the woman next to her bed a once-over. She looked different than she had at the crime scene. The hair was a little shorter and a lot curlier. But most notably her body language had changed: the arrogance and hostility with which the agent had regarded her at the hangar was replaced with exhaustion, relief and... adoration? None of this made any sense. 

“What happened?”

The agent answered without hesitation. “I wasn't there, but from what I was told you and Conway were called to a robbery. Before you could even leave the car one of the robbers shot at it with a rocket launcher.”

A robbery? What robbery? She had just left that airfield and then... blank. Nothing. Agent Danvers tried to put her hand on Maggie's again. Yeah, no. Badly injured or not, Maggie was not about to hold hands with someone she barely knew, let alone liked, so she pulled away again. What kind of game was being played with her? Did the agent think she was stupid? There was no way, the story the agent was trying to sell panned out. 

“I don't remember being called to a robbery. And it doesn't explain what you of all people are doing here.”

Maggie tried to challenge the other woman and ignored the look of pain that hushed over the agents face. She was a detective, and she would get to the bottom of all this. 

“The doctor said there might be some memory loss. What is the last thing you remember?”

What kind of convoluted plot had she fallen victim to? Memory loss? Yeah, right. This was real life, not some kind of weird mystery movie. She knew that the woman in front of her was not secret service, like she had pretended to be at the airfield. The secrete service would have left all investigations to the FBI. And if she was FBI, “Agent Danvers” would have said so from the beginning. There was clearly something she was hiding. Maybe Maggie had gotten to close to something secret and someone had decided to silence her? But why not outright kill her? Why this charade?

“Are you kidding me? The last thing I remember is you kicking me out of my crime scene. What did you government goons do to me?”

Now the shock and pain on the other woman's face was undeniable. 

“I... I am going to get a doctor. Please, don't try to get up. You barely made it through the operation from what they told me. I promise, I'll explain everything.” Seemingly holding back tears, the agent stood up and left the room.

Alone for the first time, Maggie quickly examined her situation. Her right arm was in a brace, probably broken. Every little move hurt in the chest area so one or multiple broken ribs seemed likely. Whether she could trust Agent Danvers or not, at least for now there was no way for her to escape. All she could do was wait, and hope that the other woman would stand by her promise.

The agent returned a few minutes later with a grey haired doctor in tow. 

“Miss Sawyer, good to see you have woken up. Now, your fiancee tells me you have lost a little over a year of your memory, so I need to ask you a couple of questions to confirm that there are no issues beyond the memory loss.”

“My WHAT?”

Her mouth fell open in shock and she began checking the room for a hidden camera. This had to be a joke. Some hilarious prank by her colleagues. Conway knew damn well that she had no plans to get married, ever. Besides, she was with Jessica. Nice, solid, reliable Jessica. Not this arrogant, albeit hot, pretend agent in front of her. 

She glanced at her supposed fiancee only to find the woman looking at her like a deer caught in the headlights. If this was a prank, someone had clearly forgotten to tell the agent. 

Then she noticed the ring on her left hand. And the matching one on her own. 

Well, shit. 

Xxx

As it turned out, there was no prank. Nope, Maggie had simply lost fourteen months worth of memories. The doctor had assured her that she was completely fine otherwise. Well, as fine as one could be with three broken ribs and a broken arm. But those were apparently healing nicely. According to the doctor, there was no way of telling whether she would get her memories back. They might come back fully at some point, she might get some of them back or they could be gone forever. The doctor had asked Agent Danvers – Alex – Maggie mentally corrected herself, to leave for the night to give Maggie a chance to process and come back tomorrow with a few pictures in hope that they would trigger her memories. 

Maggie could tell that Alex had almost refused to follow the doctors' orders. She seemed so different, so vulnerable compared to the confident, arrogant woman she had met on the airfield that day. How the hell had she ended up getting engaged to the other woman? She was enough of a realist to know that her relationship with Jessica, while nice and easy, had never been meant to last. The teacher was too nice, too sweet and too innocent to ever fully understand how damaged Maggie was, and the amount of hours Maggie was putting into work had already been beginning to put a strain on their relationship. 

There was also no denying that she had been attracted to Alex Danvers the second she saw her. Who wouldn't be? The woman was drop dead gorgeous and insanely hot in a “I could kill you without breaking a sweat” kind of way. Assertive and self-confident for sure. All of that were qualities that Maggie admired greatly in a woman. With Jessica out of the picture she could see herself hooking up with the agent, maybe even dating her but getting engaged? Within a year, no less? 

Maggie was not one to let down her guard easily. She tended to run before someone had the chance to get even somewhat close enough to peek behind the facade she had carefully built for herself. But apparently Alex had not only peeked behind the facade, but torn it down enough for Maggie to pledge to spend the rest of her life with her. Maggie had never been one to make promises easily, because she knew how much it hurt when promises got broken. When her parents kicked her out when she was only fourteen, her world had shattered into pieces and she had sworn to herself, that she would never put herself in such a vulnerable position again. This is why she never wanted to get married. Because to her, marriage her meant forever. It meant trusting that the other person would not leave her, even when things got rough. And somehow, sometime in the last year Alex Danvers had become that person. 

She toyed with the ring on her left hand. She liked the design. Simple, elegant, nothing flashy, something she wouldn't have to take off for work. Her thoughts circled back to her fiancee. Tomorrow, they would talk. But Maggie knew virtually nothing about the other woman. How was she supposed to trust anything she said? 

Maggie needed someone to talk to. A familiar face, someone she could trust, who could help her make sense of all of this. Normally, Jessica would be the first person that came to mind, but seeing as they were clearly broken up that might not be the best choice. Maybe Darla, or M'gann, if they were still in contact. Danvers had mentioned Conway, so at least Maggie knew, that she was still working with her partner. That was one thing that hadn't changed, as far as she could tell.

Maggie felt overwhelmed and lost. She had woken up to a reality she didn't know. She had no idea what her life was like, what life she would be going back to once they discharged her from the hospital. What if she never got her memories back?


	4. A new day (Maggie)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex and Maggie talk for the first time since the accident. It's easier and more difficult than expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little longer than usual but I didn't want to leave you guys with a cliffhanger. I also changed the summary of the story a little since it didn't really fit with the tone of the story as of now.
> 
> Anyway, enjoy the emotional turmoil and let me know what you think, it really helps with the writing :)

Maggie spend the next morning going through a series of tests that further examined her mental state. The result supported the doctors initial findings. Maggie was completely fine, except for those pesky missing months. By the time a hesitant Alex had entered her hospital room, lunch in one hand, a bag in the other Maggie had calmed down considerably. She was going to take this one question at a time. 

She looked at Alex Danvers. Her fiancee looked horrible. There were dark circles under her eyes and she clearly had been crying. Suddenly Maggie felt bad. It was easy to forget that she wasn't the only one affected by this mess. To reassure the other woman and also to hide her own insecurity, she tried to put a smile on her face but only managed a small twitch of her lips.

It did the trick though, as the red-heads shoulders relaxed and she sat down next to her bed and put the pizza on the table. 

“Hospital food sucks so I brought us some pizza. If you want, I mean.”

Maggie looked at the carton and immediately perked up. It was from her favorite pizza place. Finally, something familiar, something to hold onto. Even if it was something as insignificant as pizza. This time she actually smiled at the other woman who was nervously wringing her hands. 

“It's from 'La finestra'! You are godsend. Not many people know it, but Mario makes the -”

“- the best pizza in town.” the red haired woman finished her sentence, a small smile playing on her lips for the first time this morning. 

Of course her fiancee would know that. This stranger knew her. And apparently cared enough to drive an hour to get her her favorite pizza. She on the other hand was at a loss. All she knew about Alex Danvers was that she had lied about her job. Which left her with nothing. Determined to catch up Maggie grabbed a slice of pizza and conversationally started to cross examine the agent.

“So you work for the secret service?”

Okay, so maybe she was testing the other woman. But there was no way they were going to be able to work things out if she couldn't trust Alex. This was the easiest way to find out where she stood. She tried to inconspicuously watch the agents reaction while making a show of devouring the pizza slice. Alex seemed to hesitate for just a second before answering her question.

“Actually, I don't. I work for the DEO, have been, ever since I was recruited out of college.”

Maggie's mouth fell open. She had heard about the black-ops anti alien strike team, but she never thought she would actually get to meet a member, let alone have her admit its existence. It would certainly explain why Alex had shown up at the crime scene. The agent carefully studied her and raised an eyebrow.

“This was a test, wasn't it? You already knew I wasn't secret service.” 

Maggie shrugged, feeling some tension leaving her body. She was surprised by how much she had hoped for Alex to tell the truth. And it appeared she did. No reason to hide her motives now. 

“What would you have done in my place? I know that this is not just difficult for me, but you can't really blame me for being cautious, Danvers. In my mind we were complete strangers until yesterday.”

This came out more aggressive than Maggie had intended and she half expected the other woman to be offended, but instead she was met with an open smile. 

“Honestly, I would have done the same thing in your position. I am just glad you are willing to talk to me. I can't even imagine how confusing this must be for you. But Maggie, I am here for you. I know you don't remember me, but I promise you, you can trust me. You can ask me anything and I promise, I won't lie. There are one or two things I might not be able to take about right now, but I will always be honest with you.”

Maggie was struck by the earnestness Alex displayed. But the agent wasn't finished yet.

“But I need you to be open with me as well. You might not remember everything we have gone through but I know you. And you have a tendency to shut down or get defensive when you are scared. What I am asking is that you talk to me. Tell me if you need space. This must be overwhelming and my first instinct is to be close to you right now but I need you to tell me if it gets too much.”

The woman was ceding all power to her. Maggie couldn't believe it. Alex must be suffering just as much as she was, albeit for different reasons, and yet she was willing to put Maggies comfort over her own needs. No one had ever done that for her. Her eyes filled with tears as she realized that she was going to hurt this woman. She was way too screwed up not to. 

“Hey, hey, Mags, look at me. Stop it right there. We'll figure it out, okay? How about we just have lunch and you can ask me questions as if someone had set you up on a blind date? Shelf the loaded stuff until later?”

Maggie swallowed and nodded slowly. Alex had sensed the beginning of her downward spiral and somehow found the words to stop it before it really started. The last she could do was give this brave woman, and whatever had been between them, a chance.

Xxx

They spend the next half hour eating pizza and trash talking hospital food. Maggie was happy to realize that Alex was easy to talk to and shared her sense of humor. They connected almost instantly and it helped both of them relax a little. But they knew that they couldn't avoid wading back into the more difficult topics and it was Maggie who decided to take the plunge.

“So, I guess I know how we met, but I really don't see how we went from there to engaged.”

Alex smiled wistfully and played with the engagement ring on her left hand. This had to be incredibly painful for her. “Do you want the short version or the long story?” 

There was no way she was going to be able to catch up on everything that had happened in the past fourteen months in one afternoon but she needed to get at least an overview of what she was missing. “How about you give me the highlights and we'll go into detail later?”

So Alex told her their story, sometimes with tears in her eyes, chuckling at other times. Maggie found herself enchanted by the tale while at the same time struggling to recognize herself in it. 

Alex told her about playing pool and getting dumped by Jessica. Her own coming out and finally having the guts to kiss Maggie only to be shut down immediately. Getting together after being shot. That first night with pizza and beer. The first valentines day. Doing yoga and meeting Emily. Alex getting kidnapped. Saying I love you for the first time. The Daxamite Invasion and Alex proposing. Maggie saying yes.

She also told her about some of the people that were in her life now. Alex' sister Kara. Winn, whom they both apparently enjoyed to scare to death. His girlfriend Lyra, an alien with a violent streak. James, who had become one of her closest friends according to Alex. M'gann and J'onn. Maggie had breathed a sigh of relief that at least one of the names was someone she was familiar with.

Alex kept showing her pictures of the people and places she talked about and Maggie soon found her head spinning. She wanted so badly to remember, to have experienced what Alex was telling her about but none of it seemed familiar. Her face in those pictures with Alex looked blissfully happy and yet she felt empty looking at it. It wasn't her. Not really. This Maggie was carefree and happy and trusting and she really didn't know how she had gotten that way. She sure as hell didn't think she could do it again. 

“Mags? Maggie? Are you okay?” Alex seemed to have noticed that she had lost her audience and reached for her hand worriedly. It was just too much. Overwhelmed, Maggie pulled away and immediately regretted the action when she saw how the other woman's face fell. 

“I am sorry. I didn't mean to... It's just a lot right now.” She stammered out an apology. Something, anything to get rid of the devastation on Alex's face. The agent had grown increasingly confident, the more of “their” story she got to share and with one instinctive action Maggie had brought back all her insecurities and fear. 

Alex schooled her features and tried to smile reassuringly at Maggie, failing miserably. 

“No, no. You did nothing wrong. I am the one who should apologize. I shouldn't have tried to touch you without permission. It won't happen again, I promise.”

And suddenly there was silence. Deafening silence as both woman were hit with the reality they had found themselves in through no fault of their own. Alex was in love with Maggie. To Maggie, Alex was a virtual stranger. There was no good way of putting that, nothing romantic about it. However they moved on from here, IF they could, it would be a long and painful road. 

It took Maggie a few minutes to gather her courage and address the elephant in the room.

“Alex, what happens with this,” she gestured in between them “if I don't get my memories back? I know the doc said it could take weeks or months and I am not giving up or anything but what if it never happens? Because I keep looking at those pictures, and keep hearing names and there is just nothing. I want to remember so badly. This?” She held up a picture of her laughing into the camera with Alex hugging her from behind. “This is what I always wanted. But I don't feel anything looking at it. Shouldn't I feel something?”

Alex took a deep and shaky breath. “When I asked you to marry you I made you a promise, and that is a promise I intend to keep. So I am here for as long as you will have me. But I can hardly ask of you to stand by a promise that you can't even remember making, let alone why you made it. So it's up to you really.”

It was too much. Too much responsibility on Maggie's shoulders, to much pressure on her. They were two people in this situation and she couldn't be the only one making decisions for the two of them. Before she could say so, though, her fiancee took a deep breath and continued, more forcefully this time.

“But I hope that you can give this a chance. Because memories or no memories, we were good together, Maggie. Really, really good. And if you give me a chance to show you, we can be again, I believe that with all my heart. We can make new memories, make a new life. We work not because of memories or circumstance, we work because it is us, it is you and me.”

Maggie looked into the pleading eyes in front of her and found herself nodding. This was something she could promise, something she had control over. She didn't know if she would ever be able to remember but she could give Alex a chance. Try and make new memories. She owed that much, not only to the woman in front of her, who was putting everything on the line for her, but also to the Maggie in the pictures, the happy person she apparently had the potential to be. It wouldn't be easy but it was worth a try.


	5. Old and new friends (Maggie)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maggie has a breakdown and a breakthrough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo this is pretty late, but life happened and I am currently interviewing for jobs without access to wifi in the place I am staying. Never thought I would be posting fanfic from Starbucks but there you go.
> 
> I am afraid this is still angsty af but we are nearing the road of recovery. The next chapter is mostly written but I am thinking of adding another one from Alex perspective in between? Any interest in reading that? Anyways I hope you like it, tell me what you think :)

They decided to take it slow. Maggie had all but forced Alex to go back to work for the rest of the week until she would be discharged, leaving them with little more than a few hours every day to get reacquainted. Truth be told, Maggie was relieved to get some time on her own. She enjoyed talking to Alex, she really did and she could see how the other Maggie had fallen for her, but for her this was a brand new relationship, one with immense pressure from the get go. 

It also allowed for some other people to visit her. 

The first person who came by to see her was Conway, heavily bandaged and limping slightly. Maggie couldn't remember being that relieved to see her partners face before. Maybe he could provide her with some semblance of normalcy or at least help her make sense of her new reality. 

“Sawyer! You look even shittier than I do. That fucking rocket launcher sure did a number on us, didn't it?”

Yep, classic Conway. Still the old, crude detective with a heart of gold. Some things never changed. 

“Well, at least you know what you ate for breakfast three days ago.”

„Yeah I heard about that. Tough luck, kid. How are you doing with all that?“

That was the million dollar question, wasn't it? How was Maggie doing? The doctors had a lot to say about that while Maggie herself had no clue. She felt like she was living a dream. Some strange and distorted reality that was eerily similar to her life, and yet completely different. She was no longer surprised when Alex entered her room, carrying some of her favorite food and plopping down on the chair next to her. They mostly avoided talking about the past at the moment, instead focusing on the present. They discussed food, their work, and whatever else came to mind. It was good and easy. Still there were moments when Alex regarded her with a wistful look when she thought Maggie wasn't looking and she always felt like it wasn't good enough. Like she somehow couldn't measure up to the old Maggie. She knew she should probably bring it up with Alex but she couldn't get herself to break the fragile sense of normalcy they had created for themselves. 

“Not gonna lie, it's weird. Waking up to a fiancee you don't know is pretty wild.”

Conway raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms. Damn it, he knew her too well.

“Come on Sawyer, talk to me. How are you really doing?”

Her shoulders slumped. So much for having a nice conversation with an old friend to get her mind off things. “It's rough. I mean, don't get me wrong, from what I have seen Alex is amazing, like 'how did I ever land her' amazing, but this is really not how I saw my life going, you know? Last thing I remember is dating Jessica and finally getting promoted to the science division and now this? I can't really wrap my head around it.”

“That Jessica chick was messed up, I really don't know what you saw in her Sawyer.”

That was easy. Jessica was a nice normal girl. Someone she should have been able to make it work with. And for some reason didn't. 

“Do you know what happened there? Alex didn't tell me much, apart from the fact that I was dumped.”

Conway scoffed. “You were dumped alright and that crazy chick called you some pretty hurtful names in the process. You showed up to work hungover for a week straight.”

Of course Jessica dumped her. Why wouldn't she? Maggie was a mess, who didn't let people in, so naturally people would leave her. How had she gone from that to being engaged? It seemed impossible.

“See, that is the kind of person I can recognize. Messing up a perfectly fine relationship with a perfectly fine lady, sounds about right. No problem there. But how did I end up with Danvers? Engaged?? You know me, Conway, I never wanted to get married.”

“That's easy, Sawyer. You met the right person. You were gonzo the second you met Danvers, though apparently the two of you had to go through all kinds of lesbian shenanigans before actually admitting the obvious.”

Now it was Maggie's turn to scoff. Her partner was a stone cold, cynical realist, just as she was. That was the main reason the two of them got along so well. “Since when do you believe in that 'right person' kind of rubbish?”

Conway wasn't deterred. “Since I saw how you changed within weeks of dating your fiancee. I have known you for almost eight years now Maggie and I have never really seen you that relaxed and content.”

Maggie felt something snap inside her. “But what if I don't get my memories back? What if that is all gone? I don't know Alex, not really. And I am wearing a fucking ring on my finger.” She held up her hand and continued with increasing desperation in her voice. “I don't want to hurt her. But I feel like no matter what I do, I will. If I break it off, she will be heartbroken, and if I don't we'll end up at the same point eventually, because I am one giant fuck up. She trusts me, Conway. She is so open and vulnerable with me and all I can think about is how I am going to destroy this. I can't do this. I am not this happy, relaxed person you and Alex are talking about. And if I don't get my memories back I don't see how I can be that person again.” 

She was sobbing and her head was spinning. All the stress and pressure from the past few days finally found an outlet as she broke down in her partners arms. 

xxx

Conway stayed for another hour and when he left Maggie felt considerably better. It had felt good to put her fears and worries into words and even though she felt slightly embarrassed about breaking down in front of her colleague, she knew that it had been necessary. As much as she enjoyed Alex' company, she had needed a familiar face to reassure her that what was happening was real. That she really was capable of being happy. He left her with advice that was strangely similar to what Alex had been telling her. The memories would come back or they wouldn't and there was no need for Maggie to stress about it. In the meantime she should just try to get to know her fiancee. 

A voice interrupted her thoughts. “Hey Maggie, do you have a minute?”

A young, blonde woman stood in the door, hesitantly. She looked familiar to Maggie and for a second she thought that maybe, just maybe some of her memories were bubbling under the surface but then she remembered the pictures Alex showed her. The woman had been prominently featured, and that's where she knew her from.

“Well come on in, it's not like there is something to do here.” She smiled at the nervous girl.

“Thank you.” The woman sat down next to her bed and fiddled with her glasses. “I know you don't remember me but my name is...”

“Kara. You are Alex' sister.”

She was met with a surprised, hopeful and cautiously excited glance from the other woman. “You remember?”

Maggie smiled ruefully. She wished. Life would be so much easier. Alas, she had to disappoint the young woman in front of her. “Unfortunately no, sorry. But Alex showed me some pictures to do the whole 'who's who'.” Kara's shoulders slumped. “I know, it's frustrating for me, too. I am sorry for what it's worth.”

Kara looked perplexed and shook her head energetically. “You have nothing to be sorry for Maggie. This is a crappy situation, but the only person who is responsible for it is going to be serving a lot of time, if I have anything to say about it.”

Maggie had to smile at the determined look in the younger Danvers' face. For a person that had been described to her as a human puppy, Kara could be surprisingly scary. Just like her sister, she mused, thinking back to how she and Alex met. 

“Thank you Kara, I appreciate it.”

The blonde reporter fixed her glasses again. “So, this is probably a stupid question, but how are you?”

Maggie shrugged. “Physically, I am getting a lot better. The rest... it is a lot.” She fixed the young woman with a serious look. “How is she doing Kara? She is putting on a brave face when she is with me but this whole situation has got to bother her.”

Kara furrowed her brows and sighed. “Right now she is just mostly just glad that you are alive. You didn't see her when you were in the ER, the thought of losing you almost destroyed you. So she is okay for the most part. You trying to get to know her again is also helping a lot, thank you for that, by the way. You didn't have to do that.”

Maggie shook her head. “Yeah I did. Even if I can't remember it, I made a promise to her, and that is something that I take very serious.” She looked at her hands and continued quietly. “I just hope I don't disappoint her.”

She was suddenly very glad that Conway had come by earlier that day and helped her sort through some of her fears because she was pretty sure this whole conversation would have turned out very messy otherwise. As it was, Kara looked almost angry at her words.

“Disappoint her? Maggie, you could never. I... I think I never got to thank you beforehand but Alex is so much happier since she met you. You have done so much for her, even before you got together, and I know you can't remember any of that, but you have to know how good you have been to her. For her.”

Maggie swallowed down the knot forming in her throat. So it wasn't one sided. Alex had also changed over the course of their relationship. However messed up she was, she had somehow improved Alex Danvers life. It was hard to believe yet there was no doubting the honesty and gratefulness in the blonde woman's eyes. Before she could find the words she wanted to say though, there was a knock on the door and Alex entered her hospital room. 

“Hi Maggie, how... Kara?” Alex' eyes widened as she took in the sight in front of her. Maggie, close to tears, and Kara not faring much better. She rushed to Maggie's side. “Kara, what did you say? I told you the doctor said not to overwhelm her. Are you alright Maggie?”

Maggie smiled through watery eyes and reached for Alex' hand. It was the first time she had actively sought physical contact with the other woman and the red head looked almost disbelieving at their joined hands. 

“It's alright Danvers. Your sister just gave me a little perspective.”


	6. Hitting rock bottom (Alex)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A look at how Alex is coping (spoiler alert: not so well), Danvers sister bonding and finally some hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Consensus seemed to be in favour of more chapters (shocker) so I played a little with Alex' perspective this time around. Thank you so much for all your kudos and kind comments, they help so much with the writing! Anyways, I hope you enjoy this chapter, and let me know what you think :)

Alex entered her apartment, almost fell over one of Maggie's still unpacked bags and dropped onto her sofa, not even bothering to turn on the light. The place felt empty without Maggie and she didn't need to be reminded of all of the firsts they had shared in her apartment. Even with the lights off Maggie's presence, or lack thereof was undeniable. She huffed and got up to pour herself a glass of scotch. Maybe it would help her sleep, not that she had high hopes for that. It hadn't worked the three nights prior. She was exhausted, physically and mentally.

She knew she was nearing her breaking point. She was operating on almost no sleep and had closed herself off emotionally from everyone trying to help her. In the back of her mind Alex knew that she needed to talk to someone, more specifically Kara, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. Talking about it, feeling it, would make it real. And she wasn't ready to deal with reality. Right now she needed to power through for Maggie. She needed to make her as comfortable as possible and that meant taking pressure off her fiancee. Anything Alex felt would need to take a backseat because however this would play out she could not lose Maggie. That was the one outcome that could not happen. Ever. It also was the outcome that kept her awake at night. 

They had worked on Maggie's trust issues over the course of the past year and slowly, step by step made progress. Progress, that had been rendered void in a split second. And now, barring a miracle that would made Maggie remember, she would have to be incredibly careful not to trigger Maggie's worst instincts. Because the stakes in this relationship were so much higher now, than they were a year ago when they started their journey. And that meant Maggie felt pressured in a way she had not before. And while Alex knew that Maggie had grown since the disastrous choice that ended her and Emily's relationship, there was no telling of how Maggie would react if it all became too much.

She relished in the burning sensation of the scotch in the back of her throat and thought back to her visit in the hospital tonight. Maggie had held her hand tonight. It was brief, but Maggie had actively and consciously grabbed her hand. Alex didn't know what Kara had told her but it almost didn't matter. As small as the gesture seemed it was a big step forward in Maggie trusting her but as much as Alex was happy about the development it also drove home the point of what she had lost, maybe forever. Holding hands, casually touching Maggie had become second nature to her and now she had to physically restrain herself in her fiancee's presence to not scare her away. 

A knock on the door interrupted her thoughts. “Alex?” Kara. Of course. “Alex, I can see you are in there. Open up.” 

She shortly contemplated telling her sister to go away like she had all those months ago after Maggie had rejected her but she knew it was futile. If Kara was determined to talk to her, she would come in no matter what. Instead of delaying the unavoidable conversation she might as well get it over with, so she moved to open the door to her startled sister, who had been about to knock again.

“I almost thought you were going to make me come through the balcony again.”

“I was considering it.” Alex deadpanned.

Kara stepped inside and hugged Alex who couldn't get herself to return the embrace. “Talk to me. How are you?”

Alex knew better than to lie to Kara yet she couldn't seem to help it. “I am fine Kara. Maggie is alive. Everything else we will work out.”

Her sister took a step back and gave her a long and hard stare. Then, she took her hand. “Alex you are not fine. You are sitting in your apartment, staring into the dark and drinking alone. That is the opposite of fine. I have respected your request for solitude for the past few days but I know you Alex. I can see that you are not sleeping, not eating and beating yourself up and I am not going to continue to watch you do it. Talk to me. I am here for you.”

Alex tried to remove her hands from her sisters grasp but Kara wouldn't budge. Her voice was breaking. “Kara, this is hard enough... please.”

Her sister remained stoic and softly repeated herself. “I am here for you. You are not alone in this.”

The tears she had held at bay since the first talk she had with Maggie after she woke up started to spill. Damn her sister. “I... she held my hand today, Kara.”

Kara turned on the lights and slowly lead her to the sofa where she embraced her again. “That's good though, isn't it? She is getting more comfortable around you?”

Alex started sobbing. “I am so exhausted Kara. I miss her. I miss her so fucking much. And every step forward is just a reminder of how much I have to lose.” 

She dug into her sisters embrace. Now that the floodgates were open there was no stopping it. She cried and cried and cried as Kara held her and soothingly stroked her head. “I know, honey, I know.”

“I keep hoping whenever we talk that she'll just remember everything... anything.” Alex got out between sobs. “But nothing ever comes. And it hurts, every single time. I try not to let her see it, because it is insanely unfair for me to expect anything from her at this point but I can tell that she notices.”

“Alex you can't beat yourself up over how you feel.” Kara shushed her and held her even tighter. “I don't know how you make it out of your bed every morning to be honest. But you and Maggie will make it through this, I know you will. You have gone through so much already, and just because she can't remember it at the moment doesn't mean that all that is gone. You clicked from day one. Remember when we went against Roulette's illegal fight ring?”

Alex sniffled. “Yeah. You almost got beaten into a pulp.”

Kara actually looked offended. “Hey, I will let you know I had it handled. The only reason he got me the first time was because I was surprised. But what I was getting at was when I met the two of you at the crime scene. I hardly got a word in. You and Maggie had met less than a handful of times before that, yet you were finishing each others sentences without even looking at each other.”

“We did make a good team.”

Kara pulled back and forcefully corrected her. “You DO make a good team. None of that is gone. You are still Alex and Maggie. And once she gets out of the hospital and back into the real world she will see just that.”

Alex sighed and grabbed some tissues. She knew all that. Hell, that was exactly what she had been telling Maggie from the get go. But the longer Maggie went without memories, the more they got caught up in meaningless small talk and the less real it felt. The exhaustion and lack of sleep sure weren't helping either.

“I know that, rationally. But I just get so afraid, Kara. And I have to be strong for Maggie and I just feel like I am letting her down with my fears. She deserves someone who can one hundred percent support her right now, not this” she gestured at herself “fearful, needy mess.”

“Hey come here.” Kara hugged her again. “What Maggie needs most of all, is for you to be honest with her. She asked about you today. I think she is just as worried as you are. You are not alone in this. Showing her that you are scared too might even help her.”

They talked in circles yet with every reassurance Kara made, Alex felt a little bit lighter. Eventually she crawled into bed, which didn't feel quite as cold and lonely with Kara there. Finding comfort in her sisters arms she finally slept for the first time in days. 

Xxx

When Alex woke up the next morning it was as if a giant weight had been lifted of her shoulders. Having Kara there, reassuring her, telling her all the things she already knew but had come to doubt in the last few days had given her back some hope. A full eight hours of sleep hadn't hurt either. Instead of going to work she made her way to the hospital. She and Maggie were due for another honest talk of where they stood. Maggie would be released in a few days and she should probably know a little more about the world she was about to get released back into. 

Maggie looked surprised to see her so early in the day. “Rough night?”

Alex winced. Apparently her attempts of covering up the effects of last night with make up had failed miserably. “Yeah. Kara made me talk about things last night. Sorry, I didn't really want you to see me like this, I know that you have enough on your plate.”

To her surprise Maggie smiled as she gestured for Alex to sit down next to her bed. “Thank god she did. Frankly, I was kind of freaked out by how well you seemed to be dealing, Danvers.”

Alex raised an eyebrow at that. She was well aware that both her and Maggie had done a wonderful job of avoiding any emotional conversations these past few days, instead settling on safe topics that wouldn't threaten the tentative banter that had reemerged between the two of them. 

Maggie seemed to know what she was getting at and smiled sheepishly. 

“Well, I had my own little breakdown with Conway yesterday. Helps to clear the head. Look, Danvers, you made me promise to be honest about how I am feeling, and I admit I haven't done the best job of it so far but I promise to try and be better.”

She again reached for Alex' hand who was prepared this time and linked their fingers. That was two for two when it came to hand holding. Maggie squeezed her hand reassuringly and continued.

“But the same goes for you. You promised not to lie... that now includes omissions of anything that is important to our relationship. Understood?”

The word threw her back to their first argument, after she had panicked in the face of Kara missing. And just like then Maggie had left her with little option than to slowly nod her assent. 

“Understood.” 

Alex looked at Maggie for a long moment and found nothing but openness and determination in the other woman's eyes. None of the self-doubt, caution and mistrust she had come to get used to over the past few days. She raised their joined hands and pressed a short kiss to the back of Maggie's hand, who smiled at the gesture instead of flinching away. 

It looked like both of them had come to the same conclusion over the past night: they needed to fight for their relationship. A big step for Maggie, who didn't even remember what she was fighting for and could only trust her gut and what she was being told. 

Alex was amazed by how brave her fiancee was. If their positions were reversed she probably would have run by now. But not Maggie. Her fiancee had been hurt so badly by the people she trusted most in the world and yet here she was putting her trust in Alex in spite of it. Based on nothing but a promise that she can't remember making. 

Alex didn't know how she got this lucky but she sure as hell was not going to question it. She looked at their hands that were still linked, finding comfort in her fiancees touch. Now that they were truly on the same page they would find a way to make it work. And for the first time since Maggie had woken up, Alex was sure that they would be alright.


	7. Release (Maggie)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maggie finally gets out of the hospital and finds her life has changed even more than she anticipated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The final two sentences to this chapter are the first ones I wrote for this fic and I had originally planned to end it here. But this fic has proven to have a mind of its own and I think I am not quite done with it yet. Still so much for Maggie to discover and maybe to recover some of her memory? Let me know what you think, I hope you enjoy this chapter, it is a lot less angsty for a change ;)

Maggie was feeling antsy. It had been a week since she had woken up and found herself in a reality she didn't recognize and now she wanted to explore it further. Which was impossible for her to do if she was confined to a hospital bed. 

Her left arm would be bandaged for the forseeable future but her ribs were healing nicely according to the doctors and there was really no need for her to stay. The doctors disagreed of course but Maggie had been injured before and not listening to the doctors had become a trusted tradition. One she didn't intend to break with now.

To her surprise Alex hardly argued when she told her that she was going to discharge herself against the doctors recommendation. 

“You know, I do have a medical degree and will be making sure you don't do anything stupid. Besides, if anything comes up the DEO is better equipped than this hospital anyway.”

Maggie groaned. Great. She kept forgetting that her fiancee was a certified genius with more degrees than she had fingers on her right hand. She had a feeling Alex was going to be harder to convince that frequent breaks from bed rest were a good idea than the nurses in the hospital had been. Still, going back to her apartment was definitely a step up from her current position. If that meant having Alex hover over her, then it was a small price to pay. She was actually looking forward to it, though she would never admit that out loud. 

She never really had anyone care for her enough to hover. She remembered her mother bringing her tea when she was sick as a little girl but with four smaller siblings there was only so much time she could devote to her oldest daughter in those instances. As she got older, she prided herself on her independence and usually refused any offer of comfort from her girlfriends. Emily had been a little more persistent, but after Maggie had snapped at her twice for crowding her when she had gotten sick early on in their relationship she had also learned to keep her distance.

Maggie had a feeling Alex would not be so easily deterred. After their heart to heart the prior afternoon, the agent had dropped some of the caution with which she had treated Maggie ever since she had learned of her memory loss. And Maggie had enjoyed seeing a more bold version of the agent. More self-confident and asserting, closer to the person she had met on that airfield hanger. Only instead of the underlying hostility then, Alex' eyes now sparkled with mirth and good humor as she was teasing Maggie.

It was easy to see how she had fallen for the other woman. Once Maggie had gotten over the initial shock of waking up and missing over a year, she started to recognize that there was an undeniable connection between her and Alex. They clicked in a way she had never experienced before, not even with Emily, whom she had been almost sure had been it for her. Life experience told her not to trust that feeling, to run as far as she could, that it could not possibly be real, but deep down she knew, without that genuine connection she would have never agreed to marry the other woman. So she was going against her every instinct and decided to trust Alex Danvers, to let herself fall again. 

A doctor again tried to talk her out of leaving the hospital and Maggie had trouble following her words without rolling her eyes. All she wanted was to leave this place, which she couldn't do as long as that woman was talking instead of handing over the discharge papers. Next to her Alex was smirking at her poor attempt to hide her impatience. Finally the agent decided to take mercy on her and stepped in to assure the doctor that she herself was a trained physician and would continue to monitor her condition. That did the trick and Maggie was allowed to sign her discharge papers and found herself led outside of the clinic by Alex by the small of her back.

Ever since she had held Alex' hand after Kara had visited her, the other woman had tentatively started initiating more physical contact between the two of them. To her surprise Maggie found that she didn't mind it at all, in fact she enjoyed the connection and comfort those small gestures brought.

She smiled when she spotted her own car in the parking lot and couldn't help but tease Alex a little. Payback for making her listen to the doctor for the past ten minutes. 

“Please don't tell me I am engaged to someone who doesn't own a car, Danvers.”

Alex simply smirked. “No car. But you never complained about my Ducati before. Didn't seem like the most prudent choice of transport, given your injuries, though.”

Maggie felt her mouth go dry, imagining Alex on a motorbike. The woman kept surprising her in all the best ways. Secret agent with a love for guns, and now a motorbike? Damn, her past self sure had great taste.

“Man I would have loved to take a ride on that. I used to have one, myself. But yeah, let's shelve that for another day. Right now all I want is to get back to my place.”

She strode confidently towards her car, enjoying the sun and the fresh air for the first time in a week. Then she noticed that Alex had stopped walking and was currently doing her best to try to avoid eye contact.

„Um, yeah about that...“

Still no eye contact. Her fiancee was definitely nervous about something and it only took Maggie a few seconds to put two and two together.

„There is no flat for me to get back to, is there?“

Alex looked at her sheepishly. „Your lease ran out and you moved in with me, the day before your accident. We weren't even able to fully unpack yet.“

Maggie closed her eyes for a second as she let yet another revelation about her old life sink in. It only made sense. They were engaged so of course they were going to live together. And as much as Maggie had been looking forward to getting back into a familiar space it was not like she had any particular attachment to her own apartment. It was nice, clean and functional and that was about it. Workaholic that she was, Maggie rarely spend much time there, instead preferring to hang out at the alien bar after work. Consequently there was not much there that would make the place a home and she was not really going to mourn after it. 

Still, a little warning would have been nice. She put her hands on her hips. „And why exactly have you kept this little tidbit to yourself until the very last second?“

Her fiancee at least had the decency to look slightly guilty as she scrambled to explain. „Well the doc said not to overwhelm you with new information so I figured... I was going to tell you today before your release tomorrow, but you just had to go and discharge yourself.“

The last part came out almost accusingly and she could tell that Alex regretted it the second she said it. She looked slightly panicked. Maggie smirked and raised an eyebrow. This was too good a situation to just let go without messing with the other woman for a bit. She stepped into Alex' space and raised her head in a silent challenge. “So this is my fault?”

Now Alex truly looked scared. “No, of course not. I was just trying to say that I thought I had another day to tell you... I mean, I get that this is a lot, but I thought after yesterday.... you know, I can just stay at Kara's and you can have my place for yourself for now and then maybe we can call your former landlord.”

As much fun as it was to watch the other woman scrambling, Alex sounded genuinely upset and dejected. Their situation was still way too fragile to really play this game for long, and Maggie knew she had to let Alex off the hook before the bad feeling could settle in. She smiled reassuringly at the other woman and ran a hand up her arm as a gesture of comfort. “Relax, Danvers, I was just messing with you.”

“You..?” Alex opened her mouth and closed it again. Maggie started to laugh at the look of absolute indignation on her face but the pain in her ribs quickly put an end to it. 

Swallowing down the pain she winked at the other woman. “Come on, you walked right into that one.”

Instead of lightening up as Maggie had expected, Alex furrowed her brows. Maggie felt herself shrink under her accusing glare. “I can't believe you! I am trying to make you as comfortable as possible and this is how you thank me?”

Maggie cringed internally. Maybe it had been to soon for her to pull a joke like this. Alex truly looked angry and she had to fix this somehow. She took Alex hand and was encouraged when the other woman didn't pull away. “I am so sorry Alex. I was just trying to make a joke. I really didn't mean anything by it.” 

The agent held her look with a blank face for another few seconds, before she started to chuckle and squeezed Maggie's hand. “Ha, looks like two can play at that game.”

Maggie's shoulders sagged in relief. Alex wasn't mad. Under normal circumstances she would have been slightly annoyed at getting beaten at her own game but right now she was just glad to have found more proof that her and Alex truly were on the same wavelength. She carefully nudged the agent. “You're something else, Danvers.”

“Yeah, well. Come on.” Alex opened the passenger door for her and helped her inside the car. She then walked around the car and gave Maggie a brilliant smile as she got in. “Let me take you home.” 

The red head looked so much happier and freer than she had in the hospital, and somehow, for reasons that were beyond Maggie, she was the cause of it. Maggie swore to herself that she would do everything in her power to keep Alex smiling. As much and as often as she could. 

She relaxed into her seat. Alex turned on the engine and slowly left the parking lot. As they drove into the setting sun, Maggie realized that she had no idea where they were going. The prospect should scare her, but she felt nothing but excitement at the prospect of discovering the future she and Alex had begun to build a year ago.


	8. Saved by the bell (Maggie)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maggie and Alex arrive at their home. They don't get very far.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for all the comments on last chapter! I wanted to update sooner, but unfortunately I managed to crash my bike on my way to uni and now have a cracked rib, which hurts like hell. I am now very sorry for putting poor Maggie through that ordeal, and kinda worked out some of my frustrations on this chapter. 
> 
> Anyways, I hope you enjoy this one, I am currently high on pain medication and might have missed a few more errors than usual during editing. If there is anything completely non sensical in there, please tell me :D 
> 
> I originally planned for this chapter to be about Maggie arriving in her new home but somehow I got stuck along with them in the elevator. Please let me know what you think :)

They drove in comfortable silence. Despite all her bravado Maggie was still hurt and getting out of the hospital had exhausted her. Her ribs ached with every breath she took and though she would never admit it out loud she was counting the minutes until she was allowed to take another painkiller. Deep down she was somewhat glad for the distraction the pain provided. She was excited to get to know her new home but she was also a little anxious. 

In the hospital she and Alex had gotten along swimmingly, and once they managed to drop their defenses, there had not been a minute with Alex that she had not enjoyed thoroughly. But now they would go from seeing each other once a day for a few hours to living together out of the blue. Well, Maggie was. Alex had lived with Maggie before, even though they had not officially moved in together. Figures that she would go and lose her memory right the second she left her old apartment for good. She chuckled and immediately regretted the action when it send a bolt of pain through her torso. 

Alex winced in sympathy. “We're almost there, then you can lie down and rest. Broken ribs suck. Big time.”

“Yeah, lying in the hospital bed I almost forgot they were hurting. Now it feels like I am slowly killing myself with every breath I take. You sound like you have experience?”

Alex chuckled ruefully. “More than a sane person should have. It'll take a few weeks but if there is anything you can do other than painkillers I have yet to find out what it is.” 

The doctors at the hospital had told her as much, but as long as she had been lying down it hadn't seemed like much of a problem. Now that she had been up for a while the pain got increasingly worse but she had gone through worse injuries. She would just have to suck it up.

“How many times should a sane person break her ribs, though?”

Alex chuckled. “Preferably, never. My sister always blows a gasket and tries to force me to stay home if it happens.”

The agent sounded almost offended at the thought of skipping work because of an injury, a notion that was way too familiar to Maggie. A normal person would probably just be glad to have a reason to stay away from work and fully relax at home until they were back to full health but with the kind of job she had and the kind of person she had become an injury almost seemed like a personal insult that was merely more than an annoyance to be ignored. On more than one occasion Maggie had been send home – under protest, mind you - because she had shown up despite being on sick leave. Conway once had to personally drag her home because she refused to go home despite running a fever just when she had been that close to finally catching a stalker. 

Even though she had yet to figure out what exactly the DEO and Alex were doing, from the rumors she had heard she was pretty sure that it wasn't much of a difference to her own job, only that the DEO had vastly superior equipment and mostly dealt with aliens. She grinned at the image of an angry Kara trying to keep Alex confined to a hospital bed. Yeah, not a likely scenario if she knew her fiancee at all. 

“Which, being a reasonable and not at all stubborn person you of course do without protest.” She couldn't help it. Teasing Alex was way too much fun. 

Alex coughed loudly and smirked, refusing to meet her eyes. “Of course.”

The car suddenly stopped and Alex pressed a button on her key chain. On their left a garage door opened. Maggie quickly scanned the building before Alex drove in. Damn. That building looked downright fancy. There was no way Maggie would be able to afford a place in this building on her detective salary. 

“Well, I guess at least the hazard pay is decent at the DEO if a few broken ribs buy you a place in this building Danvers.”

Alex shrugged. “Pay has always been decent. I was lucky not to have to think about it much.”

They pulled up to a parking spot next to two impressive motorbikes. Maggie whistled.

“You've been holding out on me, Danvers. I was going to ask if I could borrow your Ducati once that rib mess has healed but you also have a Triumph? Talk about making an impossible choice.”

“The Triumph is yours, Sawyer. You bought it a couple of months after we started dating because you got sick of me always driving when you are 'clearly the superior diver' and I wouldn't let you drive.” Maggie scoffed when Alex put air-quotes around the last part and threw her a challenging glance. “Which hasn't changed by the way. Nobody but me gets to drive my baby.”

Maggie raised an amused eyebrow at her fiancees antics, who despite her playful adversity was carefully helping her out of the car without putting too much stress on her ribs. 

“I see how it is, Danvers. I rank below a motorbike. Some fiancee you are.” She mock pouted and relished in the amused sparkle in Alex' eyes she got in response. This felt good. It was fun, it was comfortable and it was exciting. It normally took weeks if not months to build this kind of rapport with someone and here she was one week into knowing Alex Danvers and it felt like she had been doing it for ages. Which in all fairness she probably had, but just couldn't remember right now.

“You are not ranked below my ducati.” Alex exclaimed with vigor. She turned around and marched to an elevator mumbling something that Maggie couldn't quite catch but dangerously sounded like it had the words 'value equally' in it.

Upon reaching the elevator Alex smiled sweetly at her and held out her hand. When Maggie took it, the agents smiled widened and she immediately linked their fingers in a gesture that was becoming more and more familiar to Maggie. 

She nudged Alex. “I didn't quite get the last part, Danvers.”

Instead of repeating what she had said, her fiancee started to study the elevator buttons in front of her very closely and slowly requested the fifth floor. Maggie smiled to herself. That's what she had thought. 

“Oh don't go shy on me now.”

Alex turned red and looked pretty much anywhere but into Maggie's eyes. “Me, shy? Pffft.”

Just as she opened her mouth to answer, the elevator dinged to signal their arrival on the fifth floor. Her fiancee visibly blew a sigh of relief at being saved from answering and looked at Maggie almost pleadingly.

“Saved by the bell?”

Maggie shook her head. That woman was too damn adorable for her own good. She looked up to the agent and planned to make it abundantly clear that Alex was not off the hook but when their eyes locked the words were suddenly stuck in her throat. 

The elevator doors closed again but neither woman moved. Maggie was struck by the sheer amount of expression in the other woman's eyes. There was mirth, humor and happiness but also awe and a lot of hurt. And something else which Maggie couldn't quite identify until she saw those eyes flicker to her lips and back up again. She suddenly noticed that she was standing quite close to Alex and that their faces were only a few inches apart. The expression in those brown eyes changed again, becoming cautious, almost as if they were asking for permission. Before she could really think about it Maggie felt herself lean forward and was just about to connect their lips when the elevator dinged again.

They jumped apart at the sight of an elderly couple entering the elevator. Maggie took a deep breath, her heart racing. 

So, that almost happened. In an elevator no less. She really thought she had grown to have more self control then that, but apparently when Alex was involved all bets were off. Clearly. She glanced into the other corner of the elevator and saw her fiancee, whose face had turned face turned into a deep shade of red. 

The old man cleared his throat to get their attention. “Going up or down?”

Maggie hadn't even noticed that the elevator had started moving, let alone whether they had gone up or down during their little moment so she had no idea what floor they were on. This was getting embarrassing. The man's wife grinned at them knowingly and gently but firmly led her confused husband back out of the elevator.

“Honey, these two ladies seem to have something to work out. How about we just take the next one?”

Maggie huffed and pressed floor five again, since Alex still seemed to be processing. As embarrassing as that had just been, she was glad they got interrupted. She wanted to kiss Alex, no doubt about that. She really, really wanted to kiss Alex. But she needed to wait for the right moment. And right now with her exhausted and in pain was not the right moment. Nor was the elevator leading to a home she had yet to rediscover the right place. So she was glad. Mostly. Because rationality be damned she couldn't wait for that right moment to happen. 

She gently touched her fiancees arm. “You alright, Danvers?”

Alex head whipped around at the touch. “Am I alright? I think I should be asking you that question. Sorry about that. I... I just got caught up in the moment. I should have asked. I am so sorry, Maggie.”

Why was Alex apologizing? It was Maggie who had leaned in, not Alex. Then she remembered how she had reacted the first time when Alex had tried to touch her hand in the hospital and she suddenly understood. Alex was scared. Scared she had crossed a line, scared too much physical intimacy would push Maggie away.

Maggie's issues had never been about physical intimacy though, which was exactly the reason why she tried to keep it out of the equation as long as possible. Because she knew it was a big deal to her fiancee. And if... when they progressed she needed it to mean something to her. Something more than just living out an attraction. She needed them to be on equal footing. And if she was honest she was getting to that point with a speed that seemed impossible, and yet so, so right. 

But that was her mess to figure out and not on Alex, who was currently busy with staring a hole into the ground. She tried to smile and hoped it would reassure and calm the other woman.

“Hey, Danvers.” When she didn't react, Maggie carefully placed a hand under her chin and gently pushed her face up until their eyes met. “Alex.” Her fiancee's face softened at the sound of her first name. “It's alright. You didn't do anything wrong. I leaned in. Not you. You have been nothing but respectful to me ever since I have woken up and I really don't want you to beat yourself up over this.”

The elevator announced their arrival on floor five once more. 

“Look we had a moment, one I am not opposed to recreate at some point in the future, for the record” she smirked at Alex, who spluttered at the aside and turned red again, “and I know we should probably talk about it, but how about for now you just go and show me our home?”


	9. Living arrangements (Maggie)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maggie discovers her temporary new home. She is not entirely happy with it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all your comments and well wishes and kudos! I am so sorry this took so long. Exams, birthdays, some folks coming to visit and our horrendous election yesterday (yay, 1/8th of the german parliament now consists of nazis and 'proud nationalists' who openly campaigned as such)... anyways, the chapter is a little longer than usual, so hopefully this makes up for it? again, lots of sanvers, I'll probably be throwing a few other people into the mix in the next few chapters. Anyway, let me know what you think and I'll keep holding the pain meds responsible for any mistakes.

“Why the hell does this place not have a bedroom door, Danvers?” 

Maggie stared at the massive bed incredulously. It looked insanely comfortable and she definitely wouldn't mind sleeping there but there was no bedroom door. The bed was pretty much in the corner of the open floor living room/kitchen arrangement. It reminded her of the place she rented for a few months right after college when she couldn't afford a place with more than one room. She had loathed the place. Every time someone came to visit it felt like they were sitting in her bedroom. Which they were. In all fairness Alex' place was four times the size of her old apartment and it was not like the bed was prominently on display. Still, there was no way her old self had been comfortable with this place as a permanent solution. 

“Reminds you of post college days?” 

Alex crooked her head and smiled understandingly. Ah. So they have had this particular conversation before. Maggie was once again struck by how open her past self had apparently been with Alex. She can't remember talking about that time in her life with anyone. 

The first few months after college had been a struggle. She was so young and still so hurt by her parents betrayal and determined to prove herself as a cop. Only to realize that Gotham was a criminals wet dream, and being a non white, non straight woman rookie on the police force hadn't exactly been a walk in the park either. Once she started to work her way up she began to love her job more and more but those first few months? Alone in a new city, no friends, colleagues looking down on her and constantly being afraid of failure... it had been hell. 

She noticed that Alex was still patiently waiting for an answer, so she forced herself to nod. Unlike her past self she was not quite at the point of sharing her deepest darkest fears with the agent, even though she knew deep down in her gut that she could trust Alex. 

“I... um, yeah. I mean, your place is beautiful, really. But how did you pull off getting me to agree to move in here?” 

She gestured at her boxes and hoped Alex would let her post college days go for the moment. Her fiancee did not let her down. Instead of pushing her on the subject she simply raised a playful eyebrow. 

“Doubting my moves, Sawyer?”

Maggie instantly relaxed, even as she challenged the woman in front of her. 

“To seduce me into an open floor plan? Why yes, Danvers, I do.”

Alex smirked confidently at her as she stepped into Maggie's personal space, eyes sparkling in flirtatious amusement. 

“Is that so?”

Without really meaning to Maggie leaned into the other woman, reducing the distance between themselves even further. This was such a bad idea. Especially considering how torn up Alex had been after their moment in the elevator had been interrupted. Yet she couldn't help herself. She felt heat rising to her cheeks as Alex got closer and closer, tension growing with every inch of distance closed. Fuck waiting. Girls should kiss the girls they want to kiss. And she really wanted to kiss her fiancee. She closed her eyes in surrender right before their lips could meet but instead of finally kissing Alex all she got was cold air and an amused voice whispering into her ear.

“You would be right, Sawyer. But don't worry, I have used my moves successfully plenty of other times.”

Maggie blinked in confusion at a snickering Alex. Her fiancee was good, she had to giver her that much. That was so not how she had expected things to go. And she would get her back at some point. Later, when she was least expecting it. For now they should probably get back to talking about sensible stuff, like living arrangements. 

“I... uh... what?”

As soon as her mouth caught up to her brain, that is. Maggie tried to calm her heart beat as Alex just grinned triumphantly down at her and somehow managed to look even more hot. Damn her. 

Thankfully Alex decided to take mercy on her and took a step back. She gestured for Maggie to sit down at the dinner table and grabbed a folder from a bookshelf before sitting down next to her to explain.

“I did not seduce you into an open floor plan, Sawyer. We bought a new place together actually. Still fairly open, but with two separate bedrooms. It is still under construction though. And since your lease was running out, we figured you moving in here temporarily was the easiest solution.”

Maggie's brain was still a little muddled from the almost kiss but she tried to keep up as her fiancee went into detail, showing her the penthouse apartment they had purchased. It looked gorgeous. Wide and open floor plan with large windows, a huge terrace, two bedrooms with adjourning bathroom and an elevator going straight into the apartment. All of it brand new. That was definitely a place she could see herself living in. Scratch that, that was the kind of place she had dreamed about living in when she was stuck in Gotham. She kept going through the pictures in the folder almost in disbelief. 

“So... you like it?” 

Her thoughts were interrupted by an almost hesitant Alex.

“Like it?” She repeated dumbfounded. “Danvers, this is amazing. I... I don't even have words. How did we find this place and how in the hell did we afford it?”

Alex smiled. 

“I am glad you like it. Kara's former boss is moving back to National City and invested into the property. Since it is a multi apartment building complex Kara suggested we take a look at some of the units and you fell in love with this one, the second you saw the blueprint. I gotta admit, I am a bit hesitant about living next to Ms. Grant, but the apartment was too amazing to pass up on.”

Wait, Maggie knew that name from somewhere. Alex surely wasn't talking about... or was she?

“Ms. Grant, as in Ms. Cat Grant? The Queen of all Media and Feminist Icon? That Ms. Grant?”

Alex simply shook her head in defeat. 

“Seems like your little crush has survived amnesia. But yes, that Ms. Grant. Kara was her assistant for a few years.”

Maggie huffed. 

“My crush? What crush? That woman is incredible. That is no crush, that is a fact of life. She single-handedly built up an empire from scratch. A media empire, no less. That is not exactly a woman friendly space. And she regularly wipes the floor with mediocre men. And she is Supergirl's go to reporter. All while being a single mom. ”

Alex indulgently patted her hand. 

“Keep telling yourself that, babe.”

The pet name just sat there for a few seconds before Maggie broke the silence. 

“Babe, huh?”

“Yeah. Is that okay?” 

The agent's voice was so soft. So vulnerable. It was still hard for Maggie to reconcile this version of Alex with the hardened woman she had met on the hangar. She considered the question and found that she was very okay with it. Coming out of Alex' mouth it had seemed natural, an acknowledgment of their relationship, without any pressure or second thought. 

“It is. I am just going to warn you now, I am not one for using pet names in abundance.” 

Then she remembered that they were engaged. Sometimes it was a little to easy to forget her situation with how easy everything seemed to be with Alex. She shrugged. 

“Which you probably already know.”

Alex simply smiled. 

“Oh I know. Though I am sorry to inform you that babe has sneaked into your vocabulary on a few occasions. But I like Danvers. It's very... you.”

Before Maggie could inquire what Alex had meant exactly with that she started to yawn. She glanced at the clock, almost midnight. It had been a long day and they should probably head to bed but she really wanted to clear the air about their almost kiss in the elevator before. 

“It's getting late, but I really want to talk about what happened in the elevator before we head to bed. Because if earlier is any indication that situation is bound to repeat itself.”

Instead of becoming serious like Maggie had expected Alex to, she was met with mirth. 

“That 'situation'?”

Actual airquotes. Rude. It looked like it was time for Maggie to stop beating around the bush. Because as much as she enjoyed flirting with Alex, this was important. 

“Oh, now you can joke about it? Alright Danvers, we almost kissed.”

At that Alex sobered up immediately and she almost reverently repeated Maggie's words. 

“We almost kissed.” 

And then she turned back into a rambling mess. That woman was adorable. And deadly, Maggie reminded herself. DEO agent and such. But right now? Most decidedly adorable. 

“Was that okay? I mean, would that be okay? Obviously I would be very okay with it, but I am not the one missing fourteen months worth of memories. And I really don't want to make you uncomfortable or feel like I pushed you into something you didn't want.”

Maggie touched Alex' hand and took a deep breath. 

“Okay, before we get into the to kiss or not to kiss question of it all, I need you to know one thing. You do not make me uncomfortable. At the hospital I was genuinely overwhelmed with the whole situation but the more time I spend with you... I enjoy spending time with you. I am comfortable with you. So that's one part. I genuinely like you. As for the other part, I don't think it is much of a secret that I think you are extremely hot.” 

Maggie rushed out the last part and turned red. She really wasn't good at making declarations like this, especially not after a little more than a week of knowing someone. But this situation was anything but ordinary and Alex deserved to know where she stood. So she powered on.

“I want to kiss you. I wanna do a hell of a lot more than kiss you, frankly. But right now we are not exactly on the same page with what this would mean. I am getting there.” 

She swallowed and looked down. There it goes. 

“I am getting there insanely quickly. This thing between us? I might not remember most of it, but it feels good. It feels right. I can't really explain it. But it has still only been a week.”

She forced herself to look up, to gauge the other woman's reaction. She expected to find patience, maybe an understanding smile. She definitely wasn't prepared for watery eyes and the utter joy on Alex' face. She squeezed her hand and continued.

“That being said, I sometimes appear to lose all semblance of self control when we get close, so it is bound to happen sooner rather than later. All I ask is that we don't intentionally force it. I enjoy getting to know you, and I am a little worried that the physical aspect of things might muddle things up, you know? But when it happens, I want you to know that I am in this. It might take some time to catch up to back to where I was but I am well on my way there and I am committed to making this work. So the last thing I want for you is to beat yourself up over wanting to kiss me, okay?”

Alex nodded through tears.

“Okay.”

She studied Maggie carefully.

“I don't even know what to say, Maggie. I... All I wanted was for you to give me a chance, for us to get to know each other again. Thank you for giving me that chance. And I know how hard it is for you to be open. You are being so amazingly brave right now. I just... thank you.”

Maggie let the words rush over her, feeling the warmth and honesty behind them and fell a little further for this amazing woman, who by some miracle was also her fiancee. Before she could express that thought though, she had to yawn again.

Alex chuckled through watery eyes and squeezed her hand, signaling the end of that particular conversation. For now. 

“Looks like it is time for bed.”

Maggie smiled ruefully and stood up with a grunt. Damn those ribs. Sitting down she could almost forget they were broken, but one wrong move and all hell broke lose. Alex winced in solidarity.

“Not that I would let you take the couch for any reason but with your ribs you definitely get the bed, Sawyer.”

Right. One bed in the entire apartment. And chivalrous as Alex was, of course she offered to take the couch. Maggie mustered the object in question. It definitely was big enough for someone to sleep on and it looked reasonably comfortable. Still it felt wrong to kick Alex out of her own bed.

“That bed over there is big enough for six people, Danvers. I am sure the two of us will manage.”

She took Alex by the hand and carefully led her to the bed. 

“Are you sure? I really don't want to pressure you.”

“Trust me, I wouldn't be offering otherwise. Now, how about you show me where I keep my pajamas, and then we can call it a night?”

Alex still didn't seem quite convinced but handed her some pajamas that seemed to be her size but Maggie didn't recognize. By the time she had changed and made her way back to the 'bedroom' Alex had also put on some pajamas but was still standing hesitantly at the left side of the bed. Maggie shrugged, got in and patted the space to her left.

“Cute outfit. Now stop fidgeting and get in, Danvers. I'll try to behave, I promise.”


	10. The morning after (Alex)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I guess the title is self explanatory?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for all the kind comments, and kudos. I know that the news for next season don't look all that great right now but I have decided to mostly ignore that stuff. Whatever happens, they can't take away last season, and Alex' coming out arch is extremely important to me. So imma stick it out, for better or worse.  
> This chapter will be the last of my micromanaging Maggie's move back into the apartment, and I figured it was time to check in back with Alex. I hope you like it, and please let me know what you think!

Alex woke up to an arm possessively slung around her waist, a familiar weight pressing into her back. She felt good, rested, like the last days had been nothing but a bad dream. But they had happened. 

Falling asleep last night had been a challenge, to say the least. They had lain next to each other in awkward silence, careful not to touch each other until finally, thankfully, Maggie had ended the charade and snuggled closer into Alex. Finding comfort in the familiar touch, Alex had finally managed to sleep. 

And now she was waking up to being spooned by her fiancee. She couldn't believe her luck. Alex had to admit that she had underestimated Maggie. When the extent of her memory loss had become clear she had been almost certain that the other woman would shut her out, instantly. And even after she had been given an opening, there was almost always that nagging feeling in the back of her mind that Maggie would run, the second she felt pressured.

She knew about Maggie's trust issues. They had spend months working on it, and it had still been a work in progress when the attack happened. But for some reason, without remembering anything about their relationship her fiancee had decided to trust her, to let her in, despite being a virtual stranger. Maybe, just maybe, those old memories weren't lost for good. And even if they were, her character growth sure wasn't. 

Because emotionally, this version of Maggie was a lot closer to the woman she had kissed goodbye the morning of the attack, than the detective she had met on the airport. 

When Maggie had invited her to share the bed last night Alex could hardly believe her ears. So much so, that she had needed more than a few requests until she had finally slipped into the familiar position left side of Maggie. By then the detective had been openly laughing at her. Not that Alex could blame her, her caution had probably come across as a little ridiculous. But as much as she wanted to believe that Maggie was truly committed to figuring things out, there was a little part of her that was still afraid that it was too much, too soon. 

She stroked the arm holding her, careful not to wake the other woman. If Maggie could be brave, than so could she. Instead of listening to the lingering doubt she would trust that her fiancee was being honest with her so that they could move forward together. 

They had been this close to kissing. Twice. Alex smiled at the memory of a dumbfounded Maggie after she had pulled away at the last moment the second time. She almost hadn't, but the sick feeling in her stomach after they had been interrupted in the elevator was too fresh on her mind for her to actually go through with it. 

She had certainly enjoyed railing up the other woman. And it had been kind of amazing to get to experience Maggie's excitement about the new apartment for a second time. Alex didn't care much about where they were going to live, as long as they lived together and the place was accessible via balcony. But Maggie? Maggie cared. 

Alex always had a safety net to fall back onto, and money had never been much of an issue. For Maggie, it was a whole different story. Kicked out at fourteen she could only really rely on herself and had no one to lean on if things got rough. Owning her own place meant something to Maggie. It meant stability, commitment and it also served as a reminder to how far she had made it on her own, through sheer tenacity and strength of will. 

They have had their fair share of arguments about money before agreeing on a price limit because Maggie wanted to put up half of the money by herself. At first, Alex hadn't really seen where her fiancee was coming from. She had the money, so why not let her take care of it? Besides, she considered her money 'their' money the second Maggie had agreed to marry her. But Maggie refused to budge. Frustrations rising on both sides, Maggie had eventually started to open up about her struggles throughout college and well into the first years of working in Gotham.

Imagining Maggie in that tiny apartment with no one to lean on, not knowing whether she would make it in her chosen profession, constantly being afraid of being fired and not knowing how to pay her rent had been heartbreaking for Alex. 

Her own life had been pretty dark for a while, but in the end she always has had people she could rely on. She had always know that she would have a roof to sleep under and she never had to worry about bills. Eliza had supported both her and Kara through college and her time as an assistant so they never had to think about what it would mean to have no money. And it took meeting Maggie to fully appreciate how lucky she had been. 

For Maggie, paying for her share of the apartment was more than just the act itself. Actually owning a place was something she had worked for all her life, and having Alex just pay for the whole thing would take that triumph away from her. And so they looked for a place they could afford. Alex had the sneaking suspicion that the fact that their new place fit that category was down to Cat Grant pulling some strings, but she would rather bite off her tongue than say that to Maggie. Not after her fiancee had fallen in love with the place at first sight. 

Maybe they could go to the construction site after breakfast, Maggie was sure to appreciate to actually get a look at the place. And they should probably start to unpack Maggie's stuff. She had thought about doing that while Maggie was in the hospital but with her future hanging on a thread she hadn't been able to do it. Not when every box meant a reminder of the past they had shared and the future that was now in danger. But despite not getting back any of her memories, Maggie was here. In her bed. Willing to fight for their relationship. Willing to let Alex in. Merging the last of their things seemed like a good way to celebrate their new beginning.

She felt Maggie stirring behind her and turned around to greet the other woman. God she had missed that face in the mornings. Messed up hair, face make up free and a sleepy smile was one of her favorite versions of Maggie. Usually they both had to get up fairly early and didn't have much time to laze around, but mornings like this? When there was nothing to do except for cuddling and arguing about whose turn it was to prepare breakfast in bed? There was almost nothing that Alex enjoyed more. 

She smiled back. There was so much she wanted to tell Maggie. How beautiful she was. How grateful Alex was that Maggie was here. How much she wanted to kiss her. But the words wouldn't come out so she settled on a far simpler greeting instead. 

“Morning.”

Maggie crooked her head, looked deep into her eyes and her smile widened, as if she had found everything that Alex hadn't been brave enough to say in them. She cuddled closer into Alex, who put an arm around her. 

“Morning.”

Alex was doing her best to prevent her brain from short-circuiting, but having Maggie lie half on top of her was really not helping. And judging by the smirk on Maggie's face, her fiancee knew exactly what she was doing to her. Probably payback for that little stunt she had pulled yesterday. Okay maybe it had been kind of rude to leave Maggie hanging but this? Lying underneath Maggie and not being able to kiss that damn smirk off her face was pure torture. But she wouldn't give her fiancee the satisfaction of showing how much it was was affecting her.

“You hungry?”

She tried to act as nonchalantly as she could and thankfully Maggie played along.

“Starving actually.”

Good. Breakfast meant putting some safe distance between them and giving her the chance to calm down. 

“Then stay right here, I'll go get us some breakfast.”

She tried to disentangle herself from Maggie but found herself unable to do so when the grip around her waist tightened. 

“Nooo!”

Alex shook her head in amusement at the pout that had appeared in Maggie's face and relaxed back into the bed. Playful Maggie was always fun to deal with in the mornings and she might just be able to get the upper hand back if she played her cards right. 

“What's it going to be, Sawyer? Cuddling or breakfast?”

That adorable pout intensified. Before Alex could tease her some more though, Maggie nuzzled her nose in the crook of her neck and started to draw small circles with her fingers on Alex' stomach. The words got stuck in Alex' throat right there and then. 

“Both?”

The word was muffled against her throat and she had to chuckle at how innocent it sounded when they both knew Maggie's intention was anything but. That woman enjoying the hell out riling her up. But she wasn't going to give in. Not without a fight.

“Well, you gotta pick one, and we can do the other afterwards.”

Maggie whined and tightened her hold on Alex. Cuddling it was apparently. And far be it for Alex to complain. Not when just a few days ago she hadn't been sure whether she would ever get to hold Maggie like this again. Back then she had sworn to herself she would make every moment count. So she relaxed into Maggie's touch and closed her eyes contentedly, only to get startled when a stomach growl ripped though the silence. Loudly. Maybe breakfast was a good idea after all. She sat up despite the other woman's protest and ran a hand through Maggie's dark hair to appease her. 

“I think your stomach has just answered for you. Don't move, I'll be right back with some food.”

Maggie grumbled a little but let go of her waist so Alex could actually get up and pull on one of her sweaters. She made her way to the fridge, turning on the coffee machine on the way. Opening the fridge, she suddenly remembered that she hadn't gone grocery shopping at all last week. There was some beer, a half opened bottle of milk that probably no one should drink anymore and some leftover Pizza. She swore to herself. None of that qualified as breakfast. She would have to go down to Noonan's to buy some bagels. 

Before she could tell her fiancee about the change of plans though a blur of red and blue flew in through the balcony window. Alex' eyes widened. Kara surely wouldn't have completely forgotten that Maggie did not know who she was anymore, would she? Of course she would. Alex sighed. They had talked about this. She was going to tell Maggie as soon as their relationship was back on track. Which, to be fair, it seemed to be but Kara didn't know that. Ugh, sometimes the carelessness with which Kara protected her secret identity drove her nuts. But it was too late now. There she stood, in full costume, holding a bag of something and grinning widely. 

“Good morning guys! I brought donuts.”

Alex saw how Maggie sat up in shock at the unexpected intrusion. Well, unexpected for her. Mouth gaping, her fiancee looked at National City's superhero complete and utter disbelief. 

“Supergirl?”

Alex groaned and closed her eyes in defeat. This was going to be a long morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, any mistakes can be blamed entirely on my painkillers (damn I hope I finish this fic before that excuse has run its course)


	11. Supergirl's sister (Maggie)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of Kara's accidental outing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I wasn't going to finish this for another couple of days, but I figured we might all need something nice today. To everyone reading this I hope you and people you know and care about are okay.
> 
> On a personal note, I might not be able to post another chapter for the next two weeks. I have a few uni deadlines that I am very close to missing and every second I spend on this are seconds I am not spending on my papers and right now I need every second I can get. But I promise, I'll be back after that, there are way too many scenes in my head that I have yet to write. The chapter is almost twice as long as the others, so maybe that makes up for it a little bit? Anyway, I hope you like it and let me know what you think.

“Supergirl?”

There were a million questions racing through Maggie's mind as she watched the hero of National City casually strut through the apartment, holding a bag of donuts and grinning widely. As if showing up at random peoples houses in the morning without even so much as a knock on the door was a completely normal thing to do. 

What the hell was going on here? She tried to lock eyes with Alex to get a sense of what she was thinking and was surprised to find that the agent looked annoyed rather than shocked at the appearance of a freaking superhero in her living room. And Supergirl? The caped hero seemed nonplussed and casually strode around the kitchen isle to get three plates. 

For the second time in less than two weeks Maggie felt like she had woken up in some weird alternate universe. Just as she had started to get used to having a fiancee, she suddenly found herself sitting in a bed in an apartment she apparently lived in, stupidly watching on as Supergirl set the table for them as if she owned the place.

She had never much thought about what the superhero was doing when she wasn't fighting aliens, saving kittens or screwing up police investigations. But even if she had thought about it... this particular scenario would not have been among her top guesses. Not even close. 

She slowly got out of bed and bit back a groan at the realization that her ribs unfortunately had not magically gotten better over night. But this was not the time. She crossed her arms and watched the scene in front of her. Alex looked like she couldn't decide whether she was angry or about to have a panic attack, her gaze flickering between Maggie and the super hero. Who in turn still seemed to be blissfully unaware of the rising tension in the room. 

“Soooo, anybody here want to tell me what is going on?”

She deliberately kept her voice calm. She had gotten her head around being engaged to a stranger, she was going to be able to deal with this as well. Alex wrung her hands and looked down. Before she could answer, Supergirl piped up, her voice excited.

“Well Alex was kind of busy with you in the hospital so I was reasonably sure that there is nothing edible in this place and I figured you deserved a nice breakfast, with this being your first day back from the hospital and all and...”

The blonde alien was interrupted by Alex before she could ramble on.

“Supergirl!”

The hero's voice sounded oddly familiar but Maggie was too distracted by how angry her fiancee was to dwell on it. That? That right there was the woman from the Airport. All authority and self confidence and a whole lot of anger. Maggie couldn't help but get turned on a little even as she was trying to figure out what was going on. Supergirl meanwhile had finally seemed to realize that there was something wrong and had shrunk under Alex' sharp tone. 

“Oh... You haven't told her?”

Maggie raised an eyebrow as Alex actually rolled her eyes at Supergirl. An alien who was probably strong enough to throw both of them into the sun without so much as breaking a sweat. Though the superhero was currently sporting an impressive case of puppy eyes and dramatically clasped a hand over her mouth. Not a particularly threatening look.

“No I haven't. We talked about this. More than once. You have to be more careful than this.”

Alex hadn't told her what? She sounded exasperated and there was clearly something that Maggie was missing. Something big. By now she had realized that Alex could have met the hero through work, seeing as Maggie had always suspected the DEO and the superhero were working together. But that didn't explain her randomly showing up with donuts nor did it explain why the agent was angry with Supergirl. 

“I am sorry, Alex. I forgot.”

Somehow those puppy eyes got even more intense. Alex was obviously struggling not to let it affect her but softened up immediately. Maggie had to bite back a laugh. It looked like Supergirl had more weapons in her arsenal than just laser eyes and super strength and the badass agent in front of her was defenseless against it. Just what kind of connections did the two of them have? Should Maggie be worried? Before she could dwell on it too much Alex sighed.

“Well, it's too late now. How about you go patrol the city and then come back in half an hour?”

Supergirl looked like she was about to protest but one look at Alex' face seemed to change her mind. 

“I... alright. Enjoy the donuts, Maggie. And see you later.”

With one last look at Maggie the superhero turned around and flew out of the window. What she left was a deafening silence. Alex was fidgeting again, seemingly unsure about how to continue. Well, Maggie wanted answers and she wanted them now. 

“You promised not to lie to me!”

Okay, that came out a little bit less inquisitive and more accusing than she had intended and she immediately felt bad. Before she could apologize though Alex had already rushed to answer.

“I didn't lie, I swear. Remember how I told you that there were a few things that I couldn't talk about? This is it.”

It had been one of the first things Alex had said to her back in the hospital but at the time Maggie's thoughts had been mostly occupied with the ramifications of losing her memory for the words to really register. 

“And what is 'this' exactly? I mean, I assume you are working with her, but that doesn't explain her randomly showing up at this place.”

“I am not just working with her, Maggie. I know as a cop you are not her biggest fan...”

Maggie scoffed. That was one way to put it. It was not like she had anything against the alien, she admired her willingness to help the citizens of National city but oftentimes loathed the way she went about it, causing more chaos than she was actually helping and never actually sticking around long enough for city officials to register their concerns and suggestions on how to improve their cooperation. But this was not the issue now, so she nodded for Alex to continue.

“Understatement, but yes continue”

“But you guys actually got along, before.”

That was not really what Maggie was getting at but it was good to know. Supergirl seemed to be important to Alex because as annoyed as the agent had been before, there had also been a natural kind of connection, a sense of understanding in their short interaction. 

“So what is the big secret?”

Alex rubbed the back of her head. 

“I am sorry, I am not doing a great job of this. Last time you figured it out, before I could even think about telling you. But, before I do, I need you to promise, whatever happens with us, you can't tell anyone what I am about to tell you.”

Whatever Alex was going to tell her was clearly big. That much was obvious. Maggie wanted to trust her fiancee, she really did, but she wasn't going to promise anything before she didn't know a little more about what was going on. She crossed her arms again and raised an eyebrow.

“That sounds ominous.”

Alex silently pleaded with Maggie to just make the promise but seemed to realize that she wasn't going to get it without some kind of explanation. 

“I am serious, Maggie. What I am about to tell you could not only put Supergirl in danger, but a lot of other people as well, including my family.”

Why would Alex' family be affected by all of this? Maggie's face scrunched up in confusion as she pondered the request when she suddenly realized what was going on. Oh God. No wonder Supergirl's voice had sounded familiar. She stepped towards Alex, absolutely sure about what she was going to say.

“Supergirl is your sister.”

The other woman closed her eyes and slowly nodded, tension leaving her shoulders, her voice soft.

“Supergirl is my sister.”

Maggie felt the confirmation rush over her, not that she had really needed it once she had connected the dots. No wonder Alex had wanted reassurances before she divulged the information. Maggie knew that Kara was adopted and from the few talks she could remember having with her fiancee she also knew how important she was to Alex. She briefly wondered what it had been like for Alex, growing up with a younger sister who could literally fly. But that was a discussion for another time.

“I... wow.”

There was so much she wanted to say, to ask but she was still stunned by her own realization. Alex jumped in before she could try again, taking her hand and trying to reassure her.

“I was going to tell you. But I wanted to wait until you had the chance to settle in a little more.”

She squeezed Alex' hand to answer the silent question in the other woman's eyes. Of course she wasn't mad. Nobody in their right mind would entrust that kind of secret to someone that they didn't have a deep and long personal connection with. And with her memories gone, there was initially no reason for Alex to believe that Maggie would protect this secret. So, yeah, no hard feelings. Still, she had to have known that Maggie would figure it out at some point, right? It wasn't like Kara put a lot of thought into her disguise. Anybody who spend even a little time with her was bound to figure things out. If Maggie hadn't been in the hospital at the time she probably would have known by the time the other girl had said hello.

“You guys realize that glasses are not really a disguise, do you? Because, honestly, without the whole amnesia thing it would have taken me like two seconds to put it all together. Frankly, amnesia or not, I am embarrassed it took me this long.”

She chuckled as Alex finally fully relaxed and returned her grin as she shrugged at the question.

“I know it's ridiculous. Somehow it does work, though. Mostly. And there is a DEO contingency plan if someone gets suspicious.”

Contingency plan? Supergirl had lived as Kara Danvers since she was 13 from what Alex had told her. It was not like she could just shed that identity and cut out all the people from her life. She had a job here, friends, and a family that she cared about.

“Send her off to witness protection?”

Alex chuckled at her incredulous question. 

“I somehow doubt anybody would be able to keep her there. But Kara is not the only one working there who has special abilities.”

Ever since Alex had told her that she worked for the DEO Maggie had been itching to grill the other woman on the inner workings of the organization she had heard so many rumors about. For an anti-alien strike team they seemed to cultivate surprisingly close relationships with some aliens, even working together with them.

“I really do not want to get off topic with the whole Supergirl is your sister thing, but some day soon, you'll have to tell me all about that.”

“Since you have full clearance by now, I can do you one better and just show you the DEO.”

Maggie felt herself get excited at the prospect of touring a secret government black ops headquarters. And considering Alex wasn't the kind of person who would procure clearance for a significant other just for the hell of it, it looked like Maggie had started to work with the DEO some time in the last year, instead of against them. It would be nice not to get kicked out of her own crime scenes as soon as aliens were involved for a change. But first there was another promise she had to make.

“I hope you know this already, but you can trust me. I won't tell anyone who she really is. I mean, I honestly don't know how people who know her as Kara have not figured it out by now, but I got your back, Danvers. You might want to explain the concept of a secret identity to your sister though.”

She smirked up at Alex in an obvious attempt to lighten the mood. The agent wasn't ready to let it go though and sighed, frustration all over her face.

“She is so careless sometimes. And I know she doesn't mean to be. But when she gets excited, she acts first and thinks second.”

Maggie wanted to reassure the other woman but from what she had experienced this morning there was no way she could do that in good faith. But she was going to do everything in her power though to help Alex protect Kara, even from herself if necessary. Even though she had just started to get to know her fiancee, one thing that was evident in almost every conversation they have had was her sense of duty and her protectiveness over her sister. Now that Maggie knew that Kara was moonlighting as a superhero in her spare time, and a pretty reckless one at that, she realized how much pressure the agent must be under. Because she couldn't be there all the time. When Kara was off fighting some insanely dangerous alien there was very little a mere human could do, no matter how extraordinary they were. And next time it happened, she would be there for Alex, no matter what. She looked up at her fiancee.

“I guess having Supergirl as your sister explains how you ended up at the DEO.”

Alex looked uncomfortable at the remark and Maggie sensed that there was more to it than Alex and Kara starting to work there together. The agents answer confirmed her suspicion. 

“Long story.”

At this rate they would have enough stuff to talk about for the next couple of years after this morning. There was a flash of pain in her fiancee's eyes, as if the question had dragged up some bad memories and Maggie decided to let it go. For now. 

“For another time?”

Alex looked relieved and nodded in confirmation before changing the topic.

“Absolutely. Maggie, are you sure you are okay with this? I know the police and Supergirl did not have the easiest of relationships. And last time this came up we had been dating for quite some time and you had gotten to know Kara a lot better.”

Maggie thought about it. There was very little she hated more than people interfering with her work and more than one criminal she had spent months carefully collecting evidence against had been let go in the end because of the actions of Alex' sister. But even when she had been absolutely furious at another case falling through, she had never doubted that in the end, Supergirl had good intentions. Even if she was sometimes a little rash and arrogant, it was clear she acted out of a desire to help. That was something she could work with. She would need to talk about it with Kara though and she had a feeling that this was going to be an uncomfortable conversation. But seeing the silent pleading in Alex' eyes that was a small price to pay. So she simply shrugged.

“I guess. I have to be honest, I am not the biggest fan of some of her tactics, but for you, of course I'll try.”

“She has gotten better at letting you guys do your job, if that helps any. She mostly follows your lead now, at least when it comes to human crime.”

That sounded promising. And also completely out of character for the Supergirl she had experienced in the field. 

“How'd that come about?”

Alex winced at the memory.

“Let's just say, there was a very awkward double date right at this table where you guys passive aggressively snapped at each other and her idiot douche of an ex-boyfriend tried to be charming. Kara stormed off and when I tried to talk to her I got abducted.”

Maggie froze. 

“You what?”

Alex shrugged nonchalantly in an obvious attempt to downplay the incident. If Maggie was not completely wrong in her assessment of the other woman there was no way she was going to get the whole story from her, no matter how hard she pushed. She would have to talk to Kara about it at some point, but for now she would let her fiancee think she had gotten away with it.

“Another long story. Bottom line is, you guys worked together to save me and at the end of it came to an understanding. You quite enjoy working together now.”

That seemed like a bit of a stretch but Alex seemed to believe it so she would leave it at that. Hopefully she would be cleared for duty sooner rather than later so she could experience their 'teamwork' for herself. 

“I'll believe it when I see it, but for now, I am good. Really.”

Alex squeezed her hand again. 

“You'll see. So... is it okay if she joins us to breakfast? She missed you this past week and was very excited about you getting out of the hospital. Plus, she was right, my fridge is an empty wasteland.”

As soon as Alex mentioned breakfast Maggie's stomach growled again. Damn, she had almost forgotten how hungry she was. Kara better hurry back or else they would really have an issue. 

“Of course, Danvers. Anyone bringing donuts will always be welcome for breakfast. Though I have to admit, I was really enjoying our morning before she barged in.”

She smirked up at the other woman who turned slightly red at the memory. Waking up holding Alex had been amazing and riling her up afterwards even more so. After their conversation the other night Maggie had originally planned on trying to keep some distance but whenever Alex was around the rational part of her brain seemed to shut off. Especially early on a lazy Saturday morning when her fiancee had looked so incredibly cute that she just couldn't help herself. 

“Trust me, so did I”

Maggie had to chuckle at the regretful look in Alex' eyes. She was about to tease her some more when a terrifying thought entered her mind.

“So, Kara just randomly flying in here. Does that happen often?”

Alex seemed to know exactly what she was thinking and looked anywhere but Maggie's eyes.

“Well... not anymore?”

That did nothing to ease Maggie's mind, far from it.

“What happened?” 

Alex simply raised an eyebrow as if the answer was obvious. Which it was. She felt herself blush and cursed her very vivid imagination. Hell, they hadn't kissed yet and here she was, picturing the two of them putting that giant bed over in the corner to good use.

“Oh.”

The images wouldn't stop. Kissing Alex, shedding clothes, skin touching naked skin; picture after picture was assaulting her senses. This 'waiting for the right moment' thing she had been so sure about last night? It was going to be hell. Her fiancee didn't seem to fare much better, and Maggie could only imagine what it must be like for Alex, who was drawing those pictures from memory instead of imagination. Having Kara fly in on them must have been mortifying. More so for Alex, but still. 

“Yeah. Oh.”

Spotting Supergirl slowly closing back in on the apartment building she regretfully pushed those very pleasant images down. Family breakfast now. Alone time with Alex later. She winked at Alex as she went to open the window.

“Told you we need a bedroom door.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still on pain meds, so they are still soley responsible for any mistakes I might have possibly made ;)


	12. Sitting on the sidelines (Maggie)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Breakfast with Supergirl, an alien attack and a ghost from the past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am baaaack! And hopefully only a little bit rusty. This chapter feels a little rough, but I did my best to straighten it out and keep the story moving along. I hope you like it, and let me know what you think :)

Maggie had seen a lot in her career as a detective in National City. A flying alien in a cape saving the city? Sure. A two vs two hero villain showdown in the middle of the city? Why not. A virus mind controlling the entire city? Sucked but yeah, not out of the realm of possible. 

But sitting here in an apartment she didn't know, with a fiancee she had met less than two weeks ago, watching Supergirl in full costume happily munching on donut after donut and talking excitedly about her favorite TV-show between bites? There was no way she could have seen that one coming. Where did she even put all that food? The woman wasn't much taller than she was and yet she had already worked her way through one carton of donuts, and was enthusiastically eyeing the second one. 

Maggie looked down on her plate. She was still on her first donut. And with the speed Kara was working through breakfast it looked like that was all she was going to get. Alex seemed to notice her incredulous look because she chuckled and pointed at a plate next to her.

“You know, having grown up with her I learned a few things, starting with, if you don't eat fast, there won't be any food left to eat. But don't worry, I saved a few for both of us.”

The stage whisper didn't appear to do anything to deter Kara from her goal of setting the world record of most donuts obliterated within five minutes and all Maggie could do was stare. 

“How?”

The completely dumbfounded look on her face finally seemed to be getting to the superhero in front of her, while Alex simply seemed amused by the whole situation. 

“Hey! I will let you know I have a good metabolism. I need my strength. Who knows what kind of threat we will have to face next.”  
Maggie still had a hard time wrapping her head around this bubbly girl beating up evil aliens on a regular basis. Despite being in full costume, she looked and acted like she couldn't hurt a fly. It was probably a good thing she had Alex and the whole DEO to watch her back. 

Her thoughts turned to Alex. There was a lot to unpack here. Being Supergirl's sister certainly explained Alex' eating habits. And more importantly why Alex downplayed all of her achievements in every single conversation that Maggie can remember. The woman had yet to hit thirty but already had two degrees, was second in command for one of the most important government black ops operations and somehow seemed to think it wasn't a big deal. So far Maggie had chalked it up to modesty but having Supergirl as your sister? Someone who could literally fly? It explained a lot.

“Maggie, are you okay?”

Alex concerned voice interrupted her thoughts. Right, breakfast with the bubbly happy superhero sister now. Time for thinking later. She smiled at Alex.

“Yeah, sorry. Just got lost in thought for a second.” 

She winked at Supergirl who smiled at the gesture. 

“So, Kara, you planning on leaving some of the food for us mere humans? Or does this apartment have like a Supergirl proof storage locker where we can storage food rations so we don't have to starve?”

Kara huffed. “I don't eat that much.” 

The statement might have seemed less ridiculous if Kara hadn't finished the denial off with another defiant bite from her donut and Maggie couldn't help but let out a laugh. Getting to know her fiancee's sister was going to be more fun than she had thought. At some point they were probably going to have a serious conversation about working methods and habits but that could wait until Maggie had a chance to experience Supergirl in the field again. A lot could have changed in a year. At least she hoped so. 

Breakfast was interrupted when Alex' and Kara's phone started ringing at the same time. Maggie didn't even need to read the look of understanding between the two woman to understand what was going on. She wordlessly got up and turned on the TV. Sure enough, there was a massive violet monster going rampant in National City's Central Park. 

She heard a whoosh and Supergirl was out the window. Alex looked between her and the TV, seemingly unsure about how to proceed. Maggie appreciated that Alex didn't want to leave her alone but there was an alien on the lose. Fighting with Supergirl. And the fight wasn't really going Kara's way from what she could see on TV. Alex needed to do her job, and she needed to do it now. She turned to her fiancee.

“What are you waiting for? Go!”

As much as she wanted to go with her, Maggie knew she was in no way in fighting shape. Right now she would only be in the way. Alex still didn't seem to be convinced and it actually strengthened Maggie's resolve: if she was out there, Alex would be preoccupied with her instead of fighting the alien. She had to sit this one out for the good of the city. 

“Are you sure?”

At that Maggie gently pushed Alex towards the door.

“Yes. Go! And be careful. There are still a few of those long stories you have promised to tell me and I plan to cash in. So don't do anything stupid, alright?”

Alex nodded stiffly and quickly strode to the door, only stopping to grab her gun from the safe next to it. 

“I'll text you as soon as I can.”

She was about to leave when she suddenly stopped, turned around on her heels and marched back to where Maggie was standing. Before Maggie could realize what was happening, let alone react, Alex had already pressed a quick kiss to her cheek and turned to leave. 

Maggie felt her stomach turn at the thought of Alex facing that monster out there. She was only human, after all. Somehow she knew Alex was more than capable of handling herself in dangerous situations and she was sure they had weathered a few of them in those months she couldn't remember. But it sucked to see her go, not being able to help her, knowing she was running head first into danger. At least Supergirl was there to protect her. Though with Alex being the big sister there was a good chance in the end it would be Alex protecting Supergirl, risking her own life in the process, only to protect someone who could not really get injured. Maggie sighed. Waiting was going to be torture.

With a chuckle she realized that this was how most of her exes must have felt to some extent whenever she was called into work in the middle of a night, to deal with violent bank robbers or just good old fashioned bomb threats. Some had learned to bite their tongues and trust that Maggie would be able to do her job and protect herself, but many others, most recently Jessica, simply hadn't gotten why she was going out there, putting herself into danger. 

Maggie understood why Alex was doing it, but that didn't make staying behind any easier. At least she knew she would be able to accompany Alex in the future. If she made it back today. She glanced back to the screen only to see the alien throwing Supergirl against a wall. 

She briefly pondered the possibility of losing Alex. In her mind she had only known the woman for a little over a week but deep down she knew that losing her now would create a hole in her that would be impossible to fix. Not only would she have lost her memories, she would have also lost the one person anchoring her to an apparently happier past, the person promising to get her back to that place of happiness. She shook her head and turned off the sound of the TV. Enough of this. She couldn't start thinking this way. The DEO, including Alex would swoop in and deal with that alien, just like they always did. And Alex would come back home and they would finally get to have that second first kiss. 

Because Maggie sure as hell wasn't going to wait around after this. 

In the meantime she would just have to keep her mind busy. She let her eyes wander around the apartment. Might as well use Alex' absence to really familiarize herself with the place. And hey, maybe something would spark a memory. 

Her gaze wandered to some of her bags, carefully stapled in the corner of the apartment. She would leave those for later. Alex had told her that she had tried to bring herself to unpack her stuff but she just couldn't, not with Maggie in the hospital and their future in question. Maggie got it. This was something they should do together. And for now having a say in where her stuff would go might give her back some sense of agency and control over this new life. 

Her eyes wandered back to the TV. The fight was still going on. By now Supergirl was getting help from dozens of DEO agents, all dressed in black. She tried to spot Alex but the quality of the video feed wasn't good enough to make out any details. 

Maggie forced herself to turn the attention back to the apartment. The bedroom she had gotten to know last night. The bed was magic. Wherever they were moving afterwards, Maggie was going to make sure that bed was coming with them. She had no idea what the mattress was made of and she didn't care because she had never slept in a bed this comfortable before and now that she had, there was no way she was going to go back. 

On the nightstand was a picture of the two of them, huddled together in a place Maggie didn't recognize, laughing into the camera. It was still surreal looking at herself in situations she couldn't remember, but Maggie was starting to get used to the happy and carefree look she had in all those pictures with Alex, mostly because she was starting to understand why her former self had felt that way. There was just something about Alex that made her feel incredibly safe. Safe enough to really let herself fall for the gorgeous woman who miraculously had chosen Maggie to spend her life with. Yeah, there were plenty of reasons for past Maggie to laugh into the camera.

She turned to the kitchen. Not many people knew that about Maggie, but she really enjoyed cooking. It helped her relax. After her parents had kicked her out she had started cooking for her aunt a few times a week, as a way to make herself useful and pay back some of the kindness the woman had shown in taking her in. She chuckled to herself. Those first attempts at cooking had probably felt more like punishment for her aunt rather than a thank you. But she had played along and eaten most of it. And soon enough, Maggie's cooking improved to the point where she could actually take pride in it. So a well stocked kitchen was important to her. 

Maggie was surprised to find that most of the pots, pens and kitchen utensils in the place actually were hers. It looked like Alex had done little cooking before she came along. She smiled. Well, there had to be something that the woman wasn't good at, eventually. As Alex had already admitted, the fridge was a wasteland except for some leftovers. Just looking at it, Maggie felt her stomach growl. 

She checked her watch. Kara and Alex had left almost an hour ago. A brief glance at the TV showed her that the fight was far from over, but the combination of DEO agents and Supergirl were slowly starting to tire the monster out. She shrugged. Might as well go out and find the nearest supermarket and cook something, if only to keep herself busy. And Alex would probably appreciate some food when she came back.

She took her phone – no new message from Alex - turned on google maps and was happy to find that there was a supermarket on the corner of the street she was now living in. Now she only had to figure out what to cook. Judging by the leftover pizza in the fridge Alex seemed to enjoy italian food, so she might just go with a simple pasta dish. Maggie grabbed her wallet and the keys Alex had left for her and with one last glance at the TV she left the apartment. 

It was a nice day. The sun was out, the sky was clear and judging from the state of things on the street, people hadn't figured out yet that there was an alien attack on the other side of the city. Or they didn't care. Either way, the contrast between those pictures on TV and the peace here was striking. 

She quickly made her way down the street to the supermarket on the corner, which was easy to spot. Just as she was about to go in a voice from behind made her freeze on the spot.

“Maggie?”

She knew that voice. And sure enough when she turned around she suddenly found herself face to face with the blonde woman she had woken up to less than two weeks ago. Well, at least in her mind. 

“Jessica?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> .... Sorry?


	13. Closure (Maggie)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maggie talks with Jessica, talks about it with Alex and starts to make peace with mistakes from the past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These chapters seem to be getting longer, unfortunately that means they also take a little longer to write. With university starting up again, I'll try to stick to a weekly update at least, but can't make promises beyond that.  
> A few of you were worried that this'll turn into a cheating story or something like it and nope that's not happening. Canon is sad enough as it is, no need to add further hearbreak at the moment. That said, just because of the subject matter this story will continue to have angsty moments, just like this chapter. Nothing extreme, and never angst just for the sake of angst, but writing pure fluff seems disingenous as well. But we are working towards a happy ending here, I promise.  
> Anyways, thank you guys so much for all the kudos and your continued interest in this story, your comments make my day :) I hope you enjoy this chapter.

“Jessica?”

Seeing her girlfriend – ex-girlfriend, she reminded herself – was surreal. With everything that had happened over the past few days it felt like it had been months since she had last seen her, not mere days. Which, in all fairness, it had been but Maggie couldn't help but feel a little guilty about how quickly she had forgotten about the other woman. After all they had been dating almost a year by the time she had met Alex. And even if their relationship had started to become somewhat stale, Maggie had been trying so hard to make it work, only to be told by her partner in the hospital that she had failed. Once again.

Conway had told her that the breakup had been ugly, so she was surprised to find that the other woman was regarding her with a friendly smile.

“It's been a while. How are you? McConnell told me what happened at the robbery, I was so worried about you! Is it true you lost some of your memories?”

Right. Of course Jessica would know all about the attack. After all, her colleague McConnell had set them up, so naturally he had told her about what had happened. That should teach her to never again let her colleagues have a say in her love life. Conway had warned her from the start that hooking up with one of McConnell's closest friends might not have been the smartest idea, but Jessica had been nice and Maggie had never really understood why she had been friends with an asshole like McConnell in the first place, so she had ignored the advice. She awkwardly rubbed her neck.

“I am good. I got lucky. I mean, yeah, losing some of my memories sucks, but I have some good people around me, helping me get settled.”

In the station no one but Conway knew just how much time she had lost and she prayed she would be able to keep the little detail of 'in my mind we were still dating when I woke up' to herself. Because that conversation was bound to get even more awkward than it already was.

“Well, you don't look like you got shot at with a rocket launcher, that's for sure.”

Maggie laughed nervously. Was Jessica actually … flirting with her? No way. She cursed herself. Jessica was just trying to be nice and here she was looking for ulterior motives. After all, from what she had been told, Jessica had been the one to dump her, so there was no reason for her to try and hit on her. Nevermind the fact that Maggie was wearing an engagement ring for everyone to see.

“Thanks, I guess?”

There was an awkward silence before Jessica finally spoke up again.

“So, what is the last thing you can remember?”

Maggie cursed internally. She briefly contemplated just making up an excuse and leave quickly but in the end she didn't have the heart to do it. However their relationship had ended, so far Maggie had only experienced kindness from the other woman, so there wasn't really a reason to lie. Besides, maybe she would be able to get some answers as to what had actually happened to end their relationship. So she swallowed her pride and answered truthfully, avoiding the blonde woman's eyes.

“Uh... investigating the attack on the president when she tried to sign the alien amnesty act.”

She heard Jessica suck in a surprised breath.

“But that was over a year ago.”

Maggie shrugged and waited for the full consequences of what she had just revealed to register with the blonde woman.

“Yep.”

And there it was. Slowly realization spread over Jessica's face as she searched for Maggie's eyes.

“We were still dating?”

Maggie just nodded. No reason to make this any more uncomfortable than it already was.

“Yep.”

“Oh wow.”

Well, that was one way to put it. Maybe it would have been better to just avoid this conversation, but somehow Maggie felt relieved to have gotten it out in the open. It wasn't like she was mourning her relationship with Jessica. If anything, the fact that she had completely forgotten about the other woman should have told her how wrong they had been for each other. But it would be nice to get some closure. So she patiently waited, as Jessica was processing the new information.

“That must have been rough. You know, if you ever wanna talk, or like... have me explain what happened or anything you can always call me, alright? My number is still the same. We could grab coffee or something.”

That was it. Her chance to find out what had really happened with their relationship. And a chance to talk to someone she had not met just two weeks ago. Her mind briefly flashed back to Conway's visit to the hospital. He had not painted Jessica in a particularly good light. But a year had passed since their apparent messy break up and all Maggie wanted from the other woman was an explanation. One, Jessica was eager to provide by the looks of it. So she smiled and nodded her assent.

“That might be nice. Maybe later this week?”

“Sure. Text me the time and place. It was good seeing you, Maggie.”

xxx

The second Maggie arrived back at the apartment she put down the groceries and turned on the TV, just in time to see Supergirl throw some kind of net over a defeated alien, thus taking it out of action for good. The agents in black uniform were still swarming around, securing the perimeter, but there was no ambulance in sight, so it looked like nobody was hurt. She breathed out a sigh of relief. Alex was likely fine and would hopefully text her any minute. As nice of a surprise as meeting Jessica had been, it was only now that Maggie felt the tension in her body which had been building ever since Alex left, slowly disappear.

Right on time her phone vibrated. The message from Alex was short, just three words and yet it covered everything that Maggie needed to know.

_I am alright._

She smiled when her screen lit up with another text.

_I'll just finish up at the DEO quickly, should be back in half an hour. I'll grab lunch on the way. Anything you're in the mood for?_

It looked like her assumption that Alex was not one for cooking had been right. She smiled as she typed a quick answer and hit send.

_Good. No need for take out though, I'll have lunch ready by the time you are back._  
_xx - M_

She cursed herself internally looking at the two small x's she had sent without thinking. Too much, too soon? Then again, they were engaged, so she was probably good. Right? Before she could start to overthink her phone vibrated again.

_Looking forward to it. Xx - A_

She felt a warm sensation spread through her torso at how quickly Alex had returned the sentiment. So, not too much. Good to know. God, she was behaving like a teenager, analyzing every single letter of a text send by a crush. She had it worse than she had previously thought. But she could ponder over that development while cooking, because right now she really needed to get started on the pasta if she wanted to be done in half an hour.

While waiting for the water to start to boil she chopped up the vegetables and thought back to her meeting with Jessica and what it would mean for her going forward. Things had been more awkward than she would have liked but that was to be expected with Maggie not really knowing what had happened to their relationship. Besides, she had never been one of those girls who was able to stay in touch with her exes after a relationship had ended. There was usually too much hurt and wounded pride on one side to really keep a connection going. But maybe things would be different this time. She had no recollection of their breakup and being a hungover wreck in the aftermath, as Conway had so nicely put it.

And she had Alex now. Even without remembering how the engagement had come to be, Maggie felt deeply connected to the other woman. Waking up in her bed this morning should have been weird, or at the very least a little uncomfortable and new. Especially since they had agreed to try and take things slow. Instead, after waking up in the other woman's arms, comfortable in a way she hadn't been in a long time, she found herself doing the exact opposite. Thank god for Alex' self-control, or else Kara might have gotten an eyeful, flying in unannounced.

So maybe, just this once, she might be able to start building a friendship with Jessica, provided her ex was on the same page. They had a few things in common and had gotten along just fine when they were dating. It had only gotten tense when it came to the actual relationship stuff.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a key in the door. She quickly checked on the food. Two more minutes and everything should be done. She just hoped Alex would like it.

“Oh my god, whatever you are doing smells amazing!”

Alex came through the door, still in her DEO uniform and Maggie felt her mouth go dry. Whatever clever retort she had planned, it was wiped from her mind. Damn, that overall was so tight, it really didn't leave much to the imagination. And Agent Danvers all in black, back from helping to capture an alien ten times her size? Yes, please.

Xxx

Alex had in fact liked what she had cooked and sheepishly admitted to being of absolutely no use in the kitchen, after Maggie had inquired about the fact that all the kitchen utensils seemed to be hers. Conversation had flown freely, especially after Alex had changed back into civilian clothing and Maggie managed to collect the remainders of her brain cells that hadn't been fried by Alex' entrance.

The agent told her about the fight with the alien and Maggie was almost certain that Alex was downplaying her own part in the capture significantly. Because that's what her fiancee did. Put herself down to prop up others, especially her sister. Maggie hoped that at some point she would manage to convince the red-head of how amazing she truly was. Because memories or not, it had taken Maggie less than a few days to figure out just how extraordinary Alex Danvers was.

But right now there was something else she needed to talk about and she just hoped Alex would understand why she wanted to meet up with Jessica again. She wished she knew if Emily had ever come up in the past year, because if Alex knew the whole story, there was probably no way she was going to be okay with Maggie meeting with her ex. She carefully sat down her fork, not really knowing how to broach the subject.

“So, there is something I wanted to talk to you about.”

Alex looked up, the happiness in her face immediately mixed with caution as she also put down her cutlery. Nevertheless she nodded encouragingly for Maggie to continue.

“When I was shopping for groceries I ran into Jessica.”

The agent's face scrunched up in confusion for a second before understanding dawned on her face.

“Jessica, as in your ex-girlfriend?”

Alex' face darkened immediately, a small scowl on her face. Maggie winced internally. That was not exactly a promising start to their conversation. Nevertheless she continued.

“Yeah. I, um... she offered to meet with me for coffee sometime, to help me catch up on things.”

Alex raised an eyebrow, not lightening up in the slightest.

“She did?”

“I kind of want go. All of this..” Maggie gestured around the apartment “... it's a lot to take in. And as much as I enjoy spending time with you, sometimes everything is a little overwhelming. And I know her. I hope she can help me make a little sense of how I ended up here.”

Alex' face remained dark as she studied Maggie in silence. Damn it, she was not doing a very good job of explaining herself. But how could she possibly explain that she was completely over someone she had been in a serious relationship with less than two weeks ago? She barely understood it herself.

“You seem mad.”

“I am.”

Maggie felt her stomach fall. This was not at all going the way she thought it would. She had expected for Alex to be hesitant, maybe jealous but not outright hostile. Alex seemed to sense her bewilderment and hurried to clarify her answer.

“But not at you! Maggie, no. It's just, we played pool the night after she dumped you, and she hurt you pretty badly. I don't think it was the break up itself, but she said some pretty harsh stuff and I don't really trust that she won't hurt you again.” The agent took her hand over the table and looked at her intently as she continued. “For the record, I trust you, one hundred percent.”

Alex trusted her and Maggie was almost certain she didn't deserve it. Not after how badly she had messed up with Emily. And yet here she was, telling her fiancee that she was planning on meeting up with an ex and all said fiancee worried about, was how Jessica would treat her.

“I... what did she say?”

Alex looked at her warily.

“Do you really want to know?”

If Alex was worried a second hand recollection would hurt her... whatever Jessica had said must have been really bad. But it didn't matter. If both Conway and Alex seemed to think she had been treated unfairly she needed to know before seeing Jessica again.

“If I meet up with her, I need to know what I am getting into.”

Alex sighed but gave in. “She called you hard headed and obsessed with work.”

Well, that wasn't that bad. And certainly not the first time Maggie's work ethic had interfered with a relationship. Lucky for her, Alex seemed to be equally committed to her work and there would be plenty of opportunity to work together.

“I mean, she's not exactly wrong there. She wasn't thrilled with how often I got called into work in the middle of a date.”

Unfortunately, Alex wasn't finished.

“She also called you borderline sociopathic.”

Maggie could feel the anger behind Alex' words. She looked like she was ready to get up and personally punch Jessica for those words, even if over a year had passed. The fierce protectiveness of the other woman almost made up for the painful sting of the word. She had truly liked Jessica, so this wasn't easy to hear. She hadn't been in love with her, but she had liked her.

It certainly explained why she had been a mess over the break up, though. She had enjoyed her relationship with the other woman but had not been attached enough to actually lose her cool over it ending. Those words however brought back memories. Of Emily. Of her cheating on Emily. Of their break up. That final, brutal argument. When Emily had said those things, Maggie had absolutely deserved it. And she wasn't quite sure if she had ever really recovered. She tried to shrug it off. “Well, believe it or not, not the worst thing an ex has said to me.”

“You are talking about Emily.”

Maggie sucked in a sharp breath, not really prepared to have her thoughts spoken out loud by the woman in front of her. Alex knew about Emily. That simple fact alone made her stomach turn. The question was, just how much the agent knew about what had transpired between them.

Considering the fact that she seemed to be okay with the possibility of Maggie and Jessica meeting up, save for the fact that her ex had treated her badly, there was a good chance she had no idea that Maggie was a cheater. Yes, it only happened once, and she knew she would never ever do that to another person again, but as her mom had taught her, once a cheater, always a cheater.

“So you do know about her.”

Alex nodded. “Yes. We actually ran into her. You told me some of your history, she told me the rest.”

That was not good. That meant...

“So you know about-”

Alex cut her off before she could continue.

“The cheating? Yes.”

Maggie's head was spinning. If Alex knew what she had done, all of it, why would she still be here, let alone trust her?

“And you are okay with me meeting up with Jessica, except for the fact that she might hurt me?”

She searched the other woman's face for any sign of disgust, distrust or disappointment but found nothing but tenderness and earnestness.

“Yes Maggie I do. I trust you. Always. Without trust, this -” she gestured between the two of them “-this is worth nothing. I am going to tell you now what I told you when we first had this conversation: I am not here to judge you for the things you did in your past. I am here to help you heal. You and me? We are a team. Whatever happens, we deal with it together. So if you want to meet Jessica, and you think it will help you, of course you should do it. And if she dares to hurt you again we will deal with it together.”

Having cheated was probably the worst thing Maggie had ever done to another person and she had carried that shame around with her ever since. Always afraid to be judged, to be left alone if someone found out about it. Yet here she was, staring in the eyes of a woman who loved her in spite of it. Trusted her to have learned from her mistakes. Wanted to marry her.

She looked at the ring on her hand with watery eyes. Up until now she had tried to ignore its significance. Yes, she had committed herself to Alex and committed herself to rebuilding and rediscovering their relationship and had been pleasantly surprised with every new revelation about how well they actually fit. But the engagement itself had been abstract, something without real ramifications beyond a promise she could not remember making. But in this moment, she knew Alex was it for her. Whatever happened next, she was in this for life.


	14. Superfriends (Maggie)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maggie is apprehensive about meeting the Superfriends. Alex calms her down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo sorry this took so long, for some reason it was a real struggle to write. The chapter was getting too long, so I had to break it up at some point. Pt. 2 might work better from Alex' perspective anyway. I hope the struggle doesn't show, please let me know what you think :) Thank you so much for all the kudos and comments, they are what keep me going especially when the writing hits a wall.

They were cuddled together on the couch, watching TV and for the life of her, Maggie had no idea what they were watching. Part of her mind was still occupied with the emotional discussion they had after lunch. As for the other part... Alex had her arm around her back and had started carefully stroking her neck about ten minutes into the movie, so Maggie felt justified in not paying any attention to the screen, even though Alex swore she had loved this movie the first time around. 

Right now Maggie truly didn't care. She enjoyed their closeness, the constant feeling of Alex hand on her neck and all she wanted to do was turn around and finally kiss the other woman. All she had to do was turn her head and bridge what little space was left between the two of them. And yet her muscles wouldn't move. Damn Jessica. Their meeting and the subsequent talk with her fiancee had brought back the weight of this relationship and crumbled her resolve to just act on her feelings. 

Alex' phone buzzed and she could barely stop a whimper of protest when she felt the hand on her neck stop its ministration as the agent sat up to check her messages. 

“So, that was Kara. The guys want to meet up at the bar tonight and asked if we wanted to come.”

Maggie furrowed her brows. Leaving the house didn't seem all that tempting right now, especially not when it meant meeting a bunch of virtual strangers. On the other hand being alone with Alex was driving her crazy right now, and not in a good way. Maybe a night out was a good idea. Safety in numbers. Also it would give her a chance to see Alex interact with some other people and get to know her a little better. She was missing a lot of superficial information right now and this was a good opportunity to work on recovering some of those. So she nodded.

“Sounds fun. But... what guys exactly are we talking about?”

She hated being out of the loop this badly. And judging from Alex' sympathetic wince the other woman understood exactly how much she hated it.

“Right. Ehm, so it'll be Winn, James, J'onn, M'gann and my sister. You know the last two and I showed you pictures of the other ones in the hospital, remember? Ever since you showed me that alien bar we have been meeting up there a couple of times a week, usually.”

That actually sounded like fun. She had gotten along with Kara fairly well and seeing M'gann was always nice. Winn and James had sounded pretty harmless the way Alex had described them. And the prospect of going back to the alien bar filled her with cautious excitement. She had always loved that place. A bunch of outsiders and misfits in one place, getting to be who they are at least for a night or two. She fit right in.

“So that's a nerd, a Pulitzer prize winning photographer, a superhero parading as a journalist and two martians? In one place? Voluntarily?”

It was a ridiculous combination of people and yet they seemed to be tight from what Alex had told her.

“Well, the nerd and the Pulitzer prize winning photographer moonlight as a vigilante and side-kick duo in their free time, so maybe that helps making sense of it.”

Alex smirked, knowing she had just dropped a bombshell. And as much as Maggie hated playing into the set-up she couldn't help her reaction.

“They what now? And how was I okay with that?”

Accepting a need for someone with superpowers in a city that frequently got attacked by aliens was one thing, but a vigilante? Why did no one in this goddamn place trust the police to actually do their jobs?

“You were not.” Alex raised her hands reassuringly. “Especially when they accused guardian of killing people.” 

Before Maggie could interject because seriously what the hell, Alex quickly continued. “Falsely. Falsely accused him. But you trusted me enough to let him go. And over time you started working together more and more and eventually started bonding until James trusted you with his identity.”

Maggie had a hard time wrapping her head around that concept but she would just have to trust Alex on this one. She sighed. This was going to be an interesting evening. 

Xx

Maggie had managed to talk Alex into sharing her bike instead of talking the car to the bar and relished the feeling of being back on a bike. The fact that she had the perfect excuse to hold on tight to the agent didn't hurt either. Yet, the closer they got to the bar, the more insecure Maggie felt about her decision to meet Alex' friends. Maggie's friends, whom she didn't know. 

She had been looking forward to getting back to a familiar place, even though it was strange for her to place Alex in there, interacting with all those people she had spent quite a few evenings with. She never really had many friends. She had acquaintances. People she was fond of in a distant kind of way. People she was protective of, people she could relate to. But she never got too close. It was safer that way. And now she had Alex and was on her way to meet another group of people she had apparently let in. More people who knew more about her life than she did. 

As Alex took the final turn into the back alley where the entrance was, Maggie was about ready to tell her to turn around. That it was too much, too soon. Alex seemed to notice that something was wrong the second Maggie took off her helmet.

“Everything alright? Do your ribs hurt?”

Maggie was touched by the concern in her voice, and the protectiveness radiating from the other woman as she stepped closer as if she wanted to check her out for injuries. She was way off though. Physically Maggie was as close to fine as she was going to get with having left the hospital only a day ago. But she was tempted to take the out Alex had offered her. Play up the pain in her ribs and have Alex drive her home, without the agent realizing how much of a coward Maggie truly was. But she had made a promise, a promise to be honest about her feelings, to let Alex know where she stood. So she shook her head.

“No, I am fine. It's just... are you sure this is a good idea?”

Alex crooked her head in confusion.

“What do you mean? Maggie, if it's too much for you right now just say the word and we'll go back and watch some Netflix.”

It was tempting. So, so tempting. But now that Alex was openly suggesting retreat, Maggie felt some of her inner resolve return. Eventually she would have to get this over with anyway, and now was as good a time as any. She just hoped it would go well. And if it didn't... she hoped Alex would surprise her once again and stick with her in spite of her shortcomings. 

“No. I wanna meet them. I do. It's just... what if they don't like me?”

She knew it was irrational. Apparently in the past they had liked Maggie well enough to let her become part of the group, even if some part of her suspected it was mostly to keep Alex happy. It wasn't like Maggie was bad with people, far from it. As a detective she prided herself on being able to forge connections, to get to the detail in a statement few others would be able to coax out of a witness. But none of that was real. That was work. Actually having friends? Sharing stuff and opening yourself up? Maggie wasn't comfortable with the idea, and sometimes it showed. 

For once Alex seemed unable to follow her train of thought because she looked like she barely choked back a laugh of disbelief.

“Not like you? Maggie they love you.”

Maggie didn't believe it for one second, but now was not the time to deal with her abandonment issues so she simply nodded and started walking towards the bar. Time to get this over with. And who knew... there was always a possibility that Alex was actually telling the truth. 

“Alright. Let's go then.”

Something in her voice must have tipped Alex off because instead of following Maggie inside she grabbed her by the arm and turned her around so they stood face to face. 

“Maggie, stop.”

It took everything that Maggie had for her to actually meet Alex' gaze and let her see the insecurity and vulnerability in her eyes, when every instinct was telling her to look down. There was no pity in Alex' look as she cupped her face, just unguarded affection and admiration. 

“You are loved, Maggie. More than you know. Never, ever doubt that, please.”

And with that Alex slowly started to close the distance, careful to give Maggie an out if she wanted it. But Maggie remained frozen in place, expectant and afraid at the same time. This was too much and exactly what she needed at the same time. She closed her eyes and when their lips finally connected it was nothing like she had expected their second first kiss to go. It was chaste, neither woman attempting to deepen the kiss, giving nothing but comfort and warmth. It was perfect.

After what could have been anything between two seconds and two hours Alex carefully pulled back, leaving Maggie to chase her lips without success. She slowly opened her eyes.

“Wow.”

Something almost like pain flitted over Alex' face but it was quickly replaced by a mischievous smile as she carefully interlinked one hand with Maggie's.

“I have been wanting to do that.” 

Once again, Maggie had severely underestimated Alex. She had thought it was up to her to make the first move, especially considering how shaken the other woman had been after their almost kiss in the elevator. She squeezed her hand.

“Yeah? Me too.”

As soon as the words left her mouth she felt like something wasn't quite right. Like that was not the answer she was supposed to give to Alex' statement, like there was something else she should have said, but she quickly brushed those feelings aside, too happy to have finally taken that next step with her fiancee, who was looking at her like Christmas had come early. It was certainly how Maggie felt in this very moment. She pulled Alex back towards her and was about to go in for another kiss when they were interrupted by a voice behind them.

“You guys made it. That's great!”

Maggie wanted to be mad at the interruption but Kara's unbridled enthusiasm at seeing the both of them was contagious. So she simply squeezed Alex' hand in response to her apologetic smile and gestured for them to follow the blonde reporter inside. They would have plenty of time to discuss that kiss when they got home later that night. And hopefully get to do a repeat performance. 

Xx

The inside of the bar was pretty much how she remembered it though a significant amount of the tables seemed to have been replaced recently. They walked to a table in the back of the room where the rest of the group was already sitting, looking up when the three of them approached.

“Hey guys!”

James quickly pulled up two more chairs, clearly not having anticipated Alex and Maggie actually show up, while Kara bounced to the chair next to a nerdy looking guy who was smiling nervously at them. Winn, Maggie reminded herself. She quickly scanned the rest of the table as she sat down next to Alex, never letting go of her hand. J'onn had his arm resting on the back of M'gann's chair and was simply similing, as was M'gann. 

Maggie tentatively smiled back and everyone in the group seemed to sense that she didn't want to be in the center of attention just now so they just continued with the conversation from before. Something about Winn having fallen for yet another femme fatale. She studied the guy carefully. He didn't really look like the type, but from the banter around the table it seemed to be a common occurrence. Poor kid.

She chuckled to herself and slowly allowed herself to relax into the friendly atmosphere. It was an interesting group for sure and she could see herself become a part of it. It was clear that Kara was the one who brought them all together but the way they interacted with one another was more like a family than friends. Well, not her own family, but what a family was supposed to be. Before she could dwell on it any further J'onn stood up from the table.

“I am going to get another round. You guys want anything?” 

He seemed completely unphased when everyone started to shout their orders at once and simply turned to her when they were done.

“You Maggie? Beer as usual?”

And there it was. The reminder that she wasn't just meeting those people for the first time, even though it felt that way. J'onn immediately rushed to apologize and Maggie suddenly remembered that Martians could read minds. Yeah, that wasn't awkward at all.

“I am sorry. I didn't mean to presume.”

She shook her head. This was bound to happen more than once this evening and she wasn't going to let it ruin her night. Especially not when that night had been pretty great so far.

“Nah, it's fine. No beer though. Doesn't mix all that well with my pain meds from what I was told.”

J'onn nodded and quickly squeezed her shoulder in solidarity before making his way to the bar. 

The rest of the table had become eerily quiet during their short conversation and when Maggie turned around she found all eyes on her. Yep, definitely awkward. Alex moved her hand behind her back and started to soothingly stroke her back as Maggie straightened her posture. It was time to address the elephant in the room. She steeled herself, crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow in a silent challenge.

“Alright guys. You seem to have questions, so shoot.”


	15. Pool Shark (Alex)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meeting the friends pt 2... Alex challenges Maggie to a game of pool

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM ALIVE... and super sorry this took so long. Life got busy and writing wise I hit a serious wall. Lack of canon inspiration sure as hell wasn't helping. I rewrote this chapter a few times but I think it's now at a point where I can push forward story wise. Anyways, I hope you enjoy this and let me know what you think!

“Alright guys. You seem to have questions, so shoot.” 

Alex had felt the silent change in Maggie. Sitting up straight, the stiffening of her posture. She didn't quite expect her to come out with it this bluntly though, as much as she had known that eventually they would have to talk about their new situation in the group. It seemed like there was nothing left of the hesitation Maggie had displayed outside of the bar. 

Even though Maggie was missing a significant chunk of memories, she was not the same person she had been when Alex had first met her. Somehow, deep down, some of that progress she had made had remained, despite the fact that Maggie couldn't remember the actual events that had prompted the change. 

When she had met the detective at the hanger, she had only seen a cocky and self assured woman but the more she had gotten to know Maggie, the more she realized how much of that persona was an armor to protect her from getting hurt again. 

Early in their relationship Alex had mostly leaned on Maggie for guidance, and the other woman had been happy to be there for her. But once Alex had gotten more comfortable and confident with the whole idea of being with someone that she actually liked, the power structure had somewhat shifted. In the beginning, it was pure chance that had prompted Maggie to open up. That disastrous Valentines day. Running into Emily. 

Alex had tried to be as patient and understanding as possible, giving Maggie enough time to get comfortable with the idea of letting her in and eventually Maggie had started to talk to Alex about her feelings. About her childhood. Her relationship with her father. Her time in Gotham and her relationship with Emily. 

Alex had soaked up every new piece of information and filed it away. All she wanted was to know Maggie, to help her heal and be there for her when she confronted her past. And eventually it wasn't just her Maggie opened up to. First she had started sharing bits of her past with Kara during sister night at Alex' place. Nothing major, just little quips here and there. And Alex had felt her heart soar every single time. 

Then came James, as the only other member of their group not directly linked to the DEO. While Maggie initially had objected to his vigilante double life, they had come to a silent agreement after Guardian had saved Alex from Cadmus operatives. Suddenly the NCPD and National Cities newest hero had started to work together flawlessly, each helping the other when needed. 

With James, of course, came Winn. Maggie's relationship with him had became oddly reminiscent of what he was to Alex: a little brother. They both mocked him relentlessly but in the end it was obvious that there was very little they wouldn't do to protect him from whatever mess he inevitably got himself into from time to time. 

J'onn was the one Maggie had struggled with the most. Not because it was J'onn, but because of what he meant to Alex. Because of her own experience, father figures had become somewhat of a trigger for Maggie. It didn't help that she knew J'onn could read her mind. It was only after Maggie had helped rescue Alex when she was abducted, that she had slowly started to relax around the martian, feeling like she had finally proven her worth to him. 

And now here she was, looking at all those people, not knowing what they had been through together, not knowing the bond they shared and yet willing to be open with them. Alex had no idea what she had done to deserve such a woman.

She put her hand on Maggie's back in a silent show of support and shot Winn a warning glance. The technician had already opened his mouth to blurt out something that would undoubtedly put Maggie even more on the spot than she had already put herself, and thankfully decided to hold back. Instead it was James who leaned forward with a warm smile.

“How are you?”

Alex mouthed a silent 'thank you' at the acting head of CatCo, as Maggie scrunched up her face in confusion.

“Wait, that's it? I give you an open invitation to ask me literally anything and you go with 'how are you?'”

James nodded and simply continued to smile.

“Believe it or not Maggie, we know you. And I can only imagine how confusing that must be for you, considering you are meeting us for the first time right now. And so yeah, as your friend, I want to know how you are doing with all this.”

It was moments like these that reminded Alex how grateful she was to have a friend like James. Someone who was intuitive, gentle and always, always there when it mattered. She would never forget how he had taken her aside to hug and congratulate her, after she had decided to come out to the whole group. It had been such a small gesture, yet it had meant the world to Alex.

Maggie seemed to be taken aback a little, not having expected genuine concern for her well being, but after a few seconds Alex felt some of the tension leaving the detectives' body.

“I guess... I am okay? I mean, it is super strange to talk to people who seem to know you very well, when I have no recollection of ever talking to them, no offense” she gestured at the group “but somehow it kind of feels like I know you guys? It's hard to put into words. But my gut says I should trust you, and so I am trying to go with my gut.”

Alex tightened her grip around Maggie, not expecting her to be quite so open and vulnerable. She looked around the table to gauge the rest of her friend's reactions and they seemed to be just as baffled as she was, smiling at Maggie but not really knowing what to say. It was once again James, who decided to break the silence.

“We appreciate that. But go at your own speed. I think I am speaking for all of us when I say that we get that this must be completely surreal for you.” Then his smile went from gentle and honest to mischievous. “On another note, you really shouldn't trust Win though. Alex only needs to raise her index finger and the guy would tell her every secret he has ever been asked to keep.”

And with that, the tension was broken. Winn almost looked offended, J'onn and M'gann chuckled, James smirked, clearly proud of himself and Kara unsuccessfully tried to hide a smile. Maggie finally allowed herself to fully relax into Alex' arms and smiled up at her with a raised eyebrow. Before she could explain, Winn piped up, trying to defend his honor. 

“Hey! She's scary okay?” Alex simply looked at him, desperately trying to keep her amusement showing from her face. She had a reputation to protect, after all. It seemed to work, since Winn raised his hands and dropped his argument. Instead he addressed Maggie with a warm smile. “But seriously, never ask me to keep a secret from Alex. Other than that, we'll be fine.”

Maggie nodded and smiled back, clearly relieved to have the conversation back in safer territory. Considering the detective herself had enjoyed scaring the tech agent on quite a few occasions in the past, Alex had a feeling she was enjoying this particular topic and decided to pile on while she had the chance. 

“Also, you really, really do not want to challenge him to a game of pool.”

She winked at Winn, who simply rolled his eyes. Kara and James openly laughed at the memory of Winn accidentally almost hitting their heads with one of the billiard balls.

“I don't?”

Maggie seemed somewhat confused as to what Alex was getting at, clearly not judging the young technician to be a good player. Not that she was wrong. And Alex was all too happy to tell Maggie all about it.

“Well the last time you did, I had just introduced you to the group and he managed to destroy half the bottles on that shelf over there, trying to pocket his first ball.”

Alex could not have stopped the shit eating grin on her face even if she had wanted to. And she really didn't. She loved Winn like a little brother but sometimes, when he got a little bit too cocky she had to put him back into place. And if it helped Maggie get more comfortable with the whole evening? All the better. 

Normally, Winn would have protested at being the center of a mocking cascade, not that he wasn't used to it, but he seemed to sense what they were trying to do and instead decided to play along.

“Yeah, yeah, more than geometry with sticks, I get it.”

He grumbled into his beer. J'onn clapped his shoulders in solidarity but M'gann coughed and raised a pointed eyebrow. Winn, understanding what the Martian was getting at, again raised his arms in surrender and continued to defend himself.

“I do, I swear. Look, I have not violated M'gann's rule to always stay at least four feet away from the pool table ever since.”

Alex had to hand it to the last daughter of Mars. As calm and friendly as she usually was, she could be as intimidating as the best of them even in her human form, judging by the fierce look on her face.

“You better didn't Schott, or it'll be the last time you ever set foot in this place. You destroyed some pretty expensive alien alcohol, and some of the patrons were not happy.”

Alex could feel Maggie laugh silently in her arms and felt nothing but relief that she seemed to finally feel at home in the group. As much as she could, with no memories of any of them at least.  
Which probably meant it was time for Alex to give her fiancee a break from all these strangers surrounding them. To give her a chance to breathe and take it all in.

“Speaking of pool, you wanna go for a round, Sawyer?”

She knew Maggie would never back down from a challenge and was proven right when Maggie's head whipped around immediately.

“What, so you can kick my ass, again?”

Underneath the bluster there was a relief in Maggie's eyes. She clearly understood was Alex was trying to do and was thankful for it. Which was entirely too much emotion to divulge to the entire group of people at their table, hence the banter. So she played along for the others, trying to communicate how much admiration and love she was feeling for the other woman only with her eyes. 

“Maybe.”

Maggie seemed to pick up on what Alex was trying to tell her and squeezed her hand, before getting up and heading to the pool tables. 

“Alright, let's do it.”

Alex was about to follow her when she suddenly stopped dead in her tracks, her mind flashing back to what Maggie had said just seconds ago. How did she...?

Maggie immediately noticed that Alex was not behind her anymore and turned around, tilting her head in question.

“You coming?”

Alex' thoughts were racing. There was no way... Did this mean? Before she could stop herself she blurted out the question that was overshadowing all the others.

“How did you know that?”

Now Maggie seemed genuinely confused, not that Alex could blame her. But she was absolutely sure that there was no way Maggie should have known what she had insinuated earlier.

“How did I know what?”

Alex drove a shaky hand through her hair. Their friends had initially gone back to talking to themselves but were now following their conversation with renewed interest. She took a deep breath.

“You said I wanted to kick your ass. How did you know that I can do that? We have never really talked about pool before.”

She was sure of it. Aside from that short mention when she told Maggie their story in the hospital, where she definitely didn't go into details, they had never talked about it. 

“I...”

Maggie seemed completely dumbstruck, just realizing what had happened. Alex knew that she was putting her on the spot but she couldn't help herself. Her heart was racing and she needed an explanation. Because if there wasn't one, that meant Maggie was remembering something from the past months, at least instinctively. And that was too important to ignore. So she pushed on. 

“The first time I challenged you to a game of pool you almost didn't agree because you were, and I quote, 'afraid to take all my money'”.

Alex could feel all eyes on her now, but she cared only about the ones in front of her. The ones that were once again full of fear and uncertainty, completely thrown by the situation they suddenly found themselves in. Deep down, Alex had resigned to the fact that Maggie would probably not get her memories back and now that the possibility was back on the table she just really needed to make sure.

“It took you five games and losing almost a hundred bucks to finally admit that you couldn't beat me.”

They both were startled when suddenly a voice behind them decided to chime in.

“Oh yeah, I remember you telling me that she couldn't win even when you tried to let her.”

Of course Winn wouldn't know when to keep his mouth shut. He never could. 

“Shut it, Agent.”

Judging by the soft soft thud followed by a light 'ow', J'onn had intervened. Alex didn't even have the energy to turn around and make sure that Winn had actually gotten the deserved slap on the back of his head, all her attention focused on the woman in front of her. But Maggie was still processing, examining herself, questioning where that knowledge had come from. So Alex continued to explain. 

“I mean, I think I told you that we played a lot. But I never told you how those games went.”

She looked at Maggie, silently pleading with her to say something, anything.

“I... I don't know how I knew. I just... I know you are insanely good at pool.”

Alex exhaled loudly. That was exactly her point. Maggie shouldn't be able to know this, and yet she did. She walked up to her fiancee, carefully taking her hands, trying to calm her down, even if she felt anything but.

“Maggie.”

The detective hesitantly looked up, fear, vulnerability and a little bit of hope swimming in her eyes.

“What... what does this mean?”

Alex smiled. Now that she knew she had been right, she was able to calm down. This was encouraging, but in the end it didn't change things. She would be by Maggie's side no matter what. Sure, things would be easier if Maggie could actually remember their time together but she didn't mind hard. That's what she signed up for when she asked Maggie to marry her. 

“I don't know. Maybe it's a sign that some of your memories come back. Maybe not. For me, it doesn't matter. For you, I really really hope it is the former.”

And Alex realized that she truly meant it. It would be amazing if Maggie remembered, just because it would be easier for her, but she was good with the situation. She and Maggie had made great progress over the past week. She flashed back to their kiss outside the bar. This is how their first kiss should have gone. Not her nervous, and slightly desperate attempt at this very bar, only to be shot down seconds after. Maybe making some new memories was a good thing. 

She squeezed Maggie's hand before carefully tucking a stray band of hair behind her ears. She had always loved Maggie's hair. There was just something about it that magically drew her in. But Maggie was still trying to understand what just happened.

“It's not like I remember anything specific. It's just a feeling.”

Now she just needed Maggie to calm down. She stepped closer, her eyes flickering between the detectives lips and eyes. She was tempted to lean down and kiss her again, but she had already pushed her luck once today. When Maggie had seem so lost, so sure that she couldn't possibly be loved, Alex had seen no other option to get through to her. And it had been amazing. 

But right now they were in a very public bar with their friends still watching their every move. What they had right now seemed too new, too raw, to share it just yet. So instead she settled on pressing a quick kiss on Maggie's cheek. 

“Well I for one think it's a great start.” 

Maybe for Maggie it would be easier if she could connect her gut feeling with an actual memory of them playing pool together.

“Now, wanna get a first hand experience of me kicking your butt?”

Maggie had closed her eyes in anticipation of a kiss and Alex had to bite back a chuckle at her confusion when it didn't quite went where she had expected. But at least she wasn't getting worked up about what she might have possibly just remembered. And they had given their friends enough of a show as it was, which Maggie seemed to realize after a few seconds. 

“Might as well. Lead the way, Danvers. And don't you dare go easy on me. I heard Winn just now. If I win, I wanna win fair and square.”

Alex chuckled as she strode up to the pool table. 

“In your dreams.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... since we are nearing the point of Maggie possibly getting some actual memories back are there anything flashback moments you want to see? I have a few ideas myself but I am always happy for more inspiration. Anything canon or canon-compliant goes.


	16. Something to hold onto (Maggie)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maggie deals with the event of the day and gets an unexpected text.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I almost didn't want to post this because I was too embarrassed about not updating for almost two months but I figured better late than never? I love this story, I love writing this story but life is super busy at the moment and I barely find time to read, let alone write something. That being said, I have been getting back to this story, it is almost fully mapped out, at least in terms of what I want to happen, but writing it will take some time. I am doing my best though, and your kudos and comments especially help a lot, so thank you guys!  
> Anyways, the chapter is almost twice as long as the ones I started this story with, so I hope this makes up for the long wait a little bit. I hope you enjoy, and let me know what you think :)

Alex, predictably, had wiped the floor with her at the pool table, though Maggie was happy to discover that her aim had indeed improved. Or she had just gotten lucky a lot more than she usually would. But from what Alex had told her, it was probably the former. It was strange to have the muscles remember a practice her brain could not recall, but if it made her a better pool player, Maggie was all for it. Besides, if she ever wanted to beat Alex, she needed all the practice she could get. Maybe she would be able to talk Alex into getting a pool table in their new place.

 

The thought took her with surprise. She had been getting comfortable at Alex' place and had of course been aware of that they would be moving once the new place was done but this was the first time she had caught herself actively making plans for that future. She had known Alex for under two weeks and now she was making actual plans about living with her. Something about the lesbian u-haul stereotype had always rubbed her the wrong way, and she should probably be weirded out by her own eagerness, but instead she was just glad to be back to at least considering taking charge of her own future, instead of just letting it happen to her.

 

She hugged onto Alex' back a little tighter. They were back on the motorbike on their way home and the short drive gave Maggie the chance to process the evening, without Alex or any of the other guys dissecting her every expression. It was still a little disorienting to have stranger knowing her well enough to do that, though she found that with Alex, she minded it less and less.

 

She had remembered something. As much as Alex had tried to tell her that it didn't matter to her and that it might have been a freak accident, Maggie knew that there was no other logical explanation for it. Now, if she only knew what had caused it. The pictures in the hospital didn't seem to do the trick, and neither did going back to the place she was now sharing with Alex. And she was too much of a cynic to assume that one magical kiss was what all that had been missing for her to get a jump start on getting those memories back. No, those kind of stories were left for fairy tales, not real life. Though that kiss had been amazing.

 

Maggie had never considered herself to be a romantic. She liked being in a relationship, sure, but she loathed all that cheesy, empty couple stuff with a passion. What was wrong about simply doing things with your partner that one or the other or ideally both enjoyed doing? She didn't need roses, or gifts or over the top gestures to validate a partnership. And she certainly didn't believe in shit like love at first sight or destiny. In her experience a relationship took commitment and compromise to work, but that one kiss with Alex made her doubt her own rationality. It had felt just so... right. Like she was finally where she was supposed to be.

 

Up to this point a kiss to her had been just that. A kiss. Some people were good kissers, some not so much. And generally speaking Maggie definitely enjoyed the activity. But she had never thought of kissing as anything beyond that. As means of communication. To convey the emotions words couldn't. And yet with one simple kiss, Alex had done exactly that, had made Maggie feel safe, secure and most importantly, loved. Which is something she would normally be panicking about. But instead Maggie found herself wanting more. More kisses, more emotions, more truths.

 

Still, she wasn't going to credit the kiss for getting a memory back. She probably had remembered little things like that before without even noticing. But now that she had noticed she felt like a giant ball of weight had been lifted off her shoulders. Maggie was glad that Alex was constantly reassuring her that she didn't care whether she would remember or not, and surprisingly, Maggie believed her, but she wanted them back for herself. She wanted to remember the life she had with Alex before. She wanted back to a feeling where she wasn't constantly playing catch up with her own life. And as insignificant as that one little detail might seem to others, it was something to hold onto. Something to build up on.

 

Alex turned into the garage and parked the bike next to Maggie's. Reluctantly Maggie let go of her fiancee and dismounted, missing the contact instantly. Alex seemed to notice that she was deep in thought and held out a hand questioningly, waiting for Maggie to either embrace or deny her touch. Maggie linked their hands without hesitation, reveling in the beaming smile she got from Alex in return.

 

They walked into the elevator in comfortable silence. Inside Maggie immediately flashed back to their almost kiss after she had left the hospital. She almost couldn't believe that it had only been a few days since then. Maggie had thought that the kiss they had shared in the alley would have somehow diffused the tension between the two of them, at least a little bit, but as soon as the door closed she realized just how wrong that assumption had been. If anything, that kiss had increased the tension to an almost unbearable amount and judging by the look in Alex' eyes Maggie wasn't the only one feeling it.

 

She thought about trying to put some distance between the two of them and felt Alex let go of her hand and take a step back, obviously thinking the same thing. She shook her head. This was ridiculous. They were two grown up woman who were obviously attracted to one another. Hell they were engaged. Why delay the inevitable? So instead of doing the rational thing and bringing some space between the two of them, she launched herself at the other woman, who stumbled back in surprise. Alex clearly hadn't been expecting her move but it only took a few moments before Maggie felt the other woman respond to her kiss.

 

That kiss in the alleyway had been warmth and comfort. This was anything but. This was heat and Maggie wanted more. Before she could register what was happening Alex had taken control of their kiss and Maggie was stumbling backwards until her back hit a wall. It didn't stop her from trying to pull Alex even closer, impossible as it might seem.

 

Neither one of them noticed the ding of the elevator, too lost in each other to stop when the doors opened. But somehow, through all of it Maggie registered a pointed clearing of a throat, right behind Alex, who jumped back at the sound and turned around to the same old couple that they had encountered a few days earlier. Maggie groaned internally. The first time they had been interrupted by those two had been bad enough. And now they had been caught actually making out like teenagers, not just almost.

 

The man just looked at them incredulously while his wife's eyes sparkled with amusement. Maggie opened her mouth to apologize but before she could do so, the woman winked at them and dragged her husband away.

 

“See, Harold, I told you these young ladies would work it out. Let's take the next one.”

 

They stood frozen in place until the older couple was out of sight. Maggie sighed. The heat of the moment was definitely gone, which was probably a good thing considering they were still in the elevator.

 

“That was embarrassing.”

 

She dropped her head on Alex shoulder in embarrassment, who chuckled and rubbed her back comfortingly.

 

“Agreed. Totally worth it though.”

 

And just like that the awkwardness of the moment was gone as they both started giggling at the ridiculousness of their situation. Maggie ran a hand through her hair.

 

“I think the last time I got caught making out in public was in college. And there was alcohol involved. Lots of it.”

 

Alex looked like she was about to say something but seemed to catch herself in the last second, looking everywhere but Maggie's eyes.

 

“What are you not telling me, Danvers?”

 

Alex ducked her head in embarrassment.

 

“You might have gone a little overboard in trying to distract me from a game of pool at one time... M'gann almost kicked us out of the bar.”

 

Of course she would do that. Maggie was competitive by nature and constantly losing to Alex wasn't something she would have just passively accepted. And while she would like to think that she had better control over herself than letting it escalate beyond a little flirting and teasing, the episode in the elevator just now had shown her in no uncertain terms, that when in came to Alex, all bets were off.

 

“Did it at least work?”

 

“Can't remember.”

 

Alex was still not meeting her eyes and that was an answer in itself. Maggie grinned. So her fiancee was easily distracted. That sure was valuable information, to be filed away for later use.

 

They made their way to the apartment, this time, thankfully, without an audience. Inside the mood shifted once again. A lot had happened over the course of the evening and it was like it suddenly came crashing down on them all at once. Alex dropped her keys on the counter and turned around to look at Maggie.

 

“So... do you want to talk about what happened?”

 

“Depends on what you are talking about, Danvers. The kiss, me maybe remembering something or that embarrassing interlude in the elevator just now?”

 

Maggie knew she was deflecting but she wasn't sure that she was ready to talk about either of those things. But she didn't want Alex to feel insecure about where they stood, so if she wanted to talk, Maggie would try to be open with her. Alex squeezed her hand.

 

“Well, any of the three would be a good point to start. But if you need time to process we can just head to bed and talk some more tomorrow?”

 

Once again Alex was hearing what she wasn't saying and Maggie had still no idea how she had gotten this lucky. Instead of answering she leaned forward to press a lingering kiss on Alex' cheek.

 

“Thank you.”

 

Alex leaned into her, and Maggie wrapped her arms around her, wordlessly hugging her fiancee and breathing her in. She couldn't remember the last time she had felt that comfortable with someone. Before she could completely lose herself in the moment she felt her phone vibrating in her back pocket. Alex seemed to be reluctant to let go and tightened their hug for a few seconds before pulling back with a warm smile on her face.

 

“Why don't you get that, while I get ready for bed?”

 

Maggie sighed but let go of the other woman to grab her mobile. It was a text. She frowned. She was still on medical leave, and other than work she had no idea who would text her at midnight.

 

_-Hey Maggie, it was good seeing you the other day. My afternoon classes tomorrow have been canceled, do you maybe wanna grab some lunch and catch up? Xo J._

 

Jessica? Over all the excitement Maggie had almost forgotten about her short run in with her ex. She shrugged. Alex would be getting back to work tomorrow and had promised her to show her around the DEO in the afternoon. She could do lunch.

 

- _Sure. When and where?-_

 

The answer was almost immediate.

 

_-Figaro's at 12? xo-_

 

Figaro was a small Italian bistro where she and Jessica had their first date. It was an odd choice location wise, but from what Alex had told her, the DEO headquarters weren't too far from it's location, so she would be able to go see her right after. Besides, the food there was pretty good.

 

_-See you then.-_

 

She sighed and put her phone on a charger. Maggie had mixed feelings about seeing her ex again, Alex' warnings fresh in her mind. But she couldn't shake this feeling that in order to fully move on with Alex, she needed to find some closure. It was one thing having Conway and Alex tell her about their break up, but they hadn't been there. Jessica had been.

 

She had just changed into her pajamas when Alex came out of the bathroom.

 

“Everything alright?”

 

Maggie shrugged and sat on the bed.

 

“That was Jessica.”

 

Alex sat down next to her.

 

“What did she want?”

 

“Lunch. Tomorrow.”

 

Alex took her hand and linked their fingers.

 

“You okay?”

 

Maggie took a deep breath, knowing that what she was about to say might not be exactly what Alex wanted to her.

 

“I told her I would go. I know you said to be careful with her, and I am, I promise you, I am. But right now it feels like I haven't really closed that chapter. And I want to. I want to move on with you and I am moving on with you but I need to know what happened there. From someone who was there.”

 

She was almost afraid to look up into Alex' eyes. She knew that her fiancee trusted her. And she knew that she would support her decision to go. But somewhere, deep down there was still that persistent voice telling her that she didn't deserve this woman's graciousness.

 

But Alex simply put an arm around her and stayed silent until Maggie finally relaxed into the embrace.

 

“If you feel you need to go and meet her, then you need to go and meet her. If you want me to come with, I'll be there. If you want to go alone, I'll be here to talk. Just... I don't entirely trust her to treat you in a way that is fair or good to you. And please, don't shut me out if that happens.”

 

Maggie took Alex' hand and pressed a quick kiss on it before finally meeting Alex' eyes.

 

“Thank you. I think this is something I should do on my own though. Is it okay if I come to the DEO after?”

 

Alex smiled warmly back at her.

 

“Of course.”

 

They both moved to their sides of the bed. There was still that moment of awkwardness for Maggie to sleep in a bed with someone she barely knew, at least on paper, but it had been getting easier and easier. Especially since both woman had put a stop to any attempt to keep a respectable distance from one another. They woke up tangled in each other anyway, might as well fall asleep that way. So Maggie didn't hesitate to put an arm around Alex' midsection as the other woman cuddled into her.

 

“Hey Maggie?”

 

She smiled and opened her eyes once more.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“I am really proud of you. Meeting Jessica, facing a problem head on... I know how hard that is for you.”

 

She pulled Alex even closer to her. She didn't know what to say but Alex didn't seem to expect her to. Whatever happened with Jessica tomorrow, she had this to come back to, so in the end it didn't really matter. She sighed contentedly, closed her eyes and fell asleep with a smile on her face.

 

xxx

 

_Jessica had picked her up from the crime scene. While she had smiled in front of her colleagues, Maggie knew that internally her girlfriend was seething. It was the second time this week she had to cancel date night because of the alien underground fight ring, and Jessica had refused to talk to her for almost two days after it had happened the first time. Tonight was supposed to give Maggie a chance to grovel and make it up to her girlfriend, and having Jessica pick her up at 10:30 pm, almost three hours past their reservation sure as hell wasn't the way to do it._

 

_After a few meters, as Maggie had predicted, Jessica's smile vanished and her steps sped up. Maggie followed, unsure whether speaking right now would soothe her anger or would simply make matters worse. Before she could make up her mind, they had reached Jessica's car and both woman got in silently. Wordlessly, Jessica started driving, and Maggie couldn't help but notice that she was going faster than she would usually go. The silence was slowly becoming unbearable and when Jessica just barely managed to stop at a red light, bringing the car to a screeching halt, Maggie couldn't stop herself._

 

“ _I am sorry Jessica. We had to act tonight. They had aliens killing each other for sport. We had to-”_

 

_Jessica interrupted her before she could even finish her explanation._

 

“ _Who was that woman?”_

 

_Maggie's head whipped around. So this wasn't about her canceling again? Jessica did have a jealous streak but that was usually confined to people Maggie spend time with outside of work._

 

“ _The one I was talking to when you came? That's Agent Danvers. She's with the FBI. We worked together on a few alien related cases in the past few weeks.”_

 

“ _You hate working with the feds. How come you are now suddenly all best buddies with one of them?”_

 

“ _Best buddies? Jessica, come on, what is going on here? Danvers is a colleague and that is it. I know you are mad that I canceled on you again, and I am extremely sorry about that but we had to make a move tonight or more people would have died.”_

 

“ _You mean aliens.”_

 

“ _Excuse me?”_

 

“ _You mean more aliens would have died.”_

 

“ _What is that supposed to mean?”_

 

“ _Nothing.”_

 

_Maggie wanted to say what she was thinking. That Jessica was implying alien life was somehow worth less than a human life. Worth less then her keeping a date. But she couldn't bring herself to do it. Because deep down, she knew that her suspicions would be confirmed and there was no way she was going to be able to stay in this relationship if that was what Jessica was really thinking. So instead she pivoted back to what she had assumed was the root of their problems just a few minutes ago._

 

“ _I am sorry. But this is my job. We talked about it.”_

 

“ _Yeah maybe. But right now I am sick of this bullshit. We barely see each other Maggie. And when we do, your mind is usually preoccupied with a case. You cancel on me more often than you actually show up and it's been getting worse the longer we have been dating.”_

 

“ _I told you that the case load might increase with me transferring to the science division and you said you were okay with it.”_

 

“ _Yeah right, case load. I am sure that agent has nothing to do with it.”_

 

_And again the pivot to Alex. What did she have to do with all this? Yeah the agent was hot and Maggie would be lying if she said she wasn't intrigued by the other woman but she was with Jessica. It was as simple as that. She had cheated once and it had derailed her life. She would never, ever make that same mistake again. Besides, judging by her awkward reaction in the bar a few weeks earlier Alex was also painfully straight, so even if Maggie was interested – which she wasn't – there was no chance of anything happening there. Besides, Jessica should trust her at least enough not to accuse her of cheating simply because she was talking to a colleague._

 

“ _I am sorry, but what exactly are you insinuating here?”_

 

“ _I don't know.” The car stopped in front of Maggie's building. So they weren't going to talk things out tonight. As of right now, that was okay with Maggie. Jessica being mad that she had missed their date was one thing. But accusing her of cheating? Implying that aliens were worth less than humans? Maggie knew those were issues it would be hard to recover their relationship from and with the mood they were in right now there was only one way a serious discussion would end. And she really wasn't in the mood for a break up tonight._

 

“ _Get out. I really don't want to see you for a few days.”_

 

_Maggie had to bite her tongue to stop herself from saying she didn't want to see Jessica either, knowing that they were both mad right now and hoping things would cool down in a few days. She never expected to find herself in the position of the levelheaded one in an argument but even if things were headed for a break up they at least owed it to themselves to talk about it in a calm manner. So she got out of the car as dignified as possible after basically being kicked out and turned around one last time._

 

“ _Alright. Text me when you want to talk.”_

 

_With barely a glance in her direction Jessica sped off, leaving Maggie to stand alone in front of her apartment building. She took a deep breath. She hadn't thought the night could have gotten worse after having to let Roulette go but somehow it did. She briefly contemplated going inside and just trying to sleep but she knew it would be fruitless. So instead she took out her mobile and shot a quick text to the woman she had just left at the crime scene._

 

-Hey. You still awake?-

 

_Maybe she would get lucky and actually get a response. Maggie felt bad about declining the agents invitation earlier, only to disrupt her evening further now. But if anyone understood her frustration about having to let Roulette go it would be Danvers. It was worth a try at least._

 

-Yeah. Couldn't sleep. What's up?-

 

_The answer came almost immediately. Maggie smiled to herself as she quickly typed back._

 

-Can't sleep either. Still up for that drink?-

 

_She just hoped Alex wouldn't call her out or ask about Jessica._

 

-Sure. The alien bar?-

 

_Maggie released a breath she hadn't realized she was holding. Agent Danvers. Always short, concise and to the point. She chuckled. In this instance it saved her from either lying about what had happened with her girlfriend or trying to elegantly circumvent the topic. For some reason neither option sat well with her._

 

-Twenty minutes?-

 

_The bar was in walking distance to her apartment, which was probably a good thing since Maggie planned to drink enough to forget that sometimes National City was just as corrupt as Gotham. She had a feeling the DEO agent would be able to keep up._

 

-See you then.-

 

_Maggie smiled as she started walking, enjoying the cool air of the night in her face. Maybe her evening wouldn't completely suck after all._

 

Xxx

 

Maggie woke up in cold sweat, having kicked away the blanket sometime over the course of the night. Next to her Alex sleeping peacefully, her calm breaths helping to slow down Maggie's rapid heartbeat. This could have just been a bad dream. Her brain dealing with the events of the day and the stress of meeting Jessica again. But that wasn't it. Maggie was sure of it. She had finally remembered something.

 


	17. Midnight musings (Maggie)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maggie reflects over the memory, talks about it with Alex and one thing leads to another with (maybe) surprising results.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, this one took only one month? Another long-ish chapter and this one is kind of all over the place emotions wise. I had intended to resolve the Jessica situation in this chapter but then Maggie ('s hormones) kind of took over so that'll have to wait until next chapter. Also I am really trying to not go overboard with the angst, so I tried to balance things as well as I could. Anyways, I hope you enjoy this chapter, let me know what you think, your kudos and comments keep me going even when those two are not on tv right now (not given up hope yet... not completely anyway). 
> 
> Also, if someone has a freaking clue when a T rating turns into an M please let me know, because I have seen T ratings for pretty explicit stuff and M ratings for light swearing and I am slightly confused. Might be relevant for future chapters ;)

_Maggie woke up in cold sweat, having kicked away the blanket sometime over the course of the night. Next to her Alex sleeping peacefully, her calm breaths helping to slow down Maggie's rapid heartbeat. This could have just been a bad dream. Her brain dealing with the events of the day and the stress of meeting Jessica again. But that wasn't it. Maggie was sure of it. She had finally remembered something._

 

...

 

Maggie looked at the sleeping woman next to her. Her first instinct was to wake Alex and confirm her suspicions. But she knew the other woman was exhausted. After a bit of prodding Alex had finally admitted to barely sleeping more than a couple of hours a night for the entire time Maggie had been in the hospital and even now, despite all of Alex' attempts to hide it, Maggie could see that their situation was taking a toll on the other woman. Though it had been getting better. Still, Alex was going back to work tomorrow and Maggie wanted her to be well rested. Her job was dangerous enough as it was and she wasn't going to make it more dangerous for the agent by costing her hours of valuable sleep when they could just talk about it in the morning.

 

Maybe she should just keep that dream to herself. She didn't want for Alex to get her hopes up that all her memories would come back in case this argument with Jessica was the only thing Maggie would remember. She cursed herself. No, she couldn't do that. All Alex had asked was for her to be honest and withholding this dream was the opposite of that. But it could wait a few hours.

 

There was no way Maggie was going to be able to go back to sleep though. Her thoughts were racing and she needed space to think. So she carefully disentangled herself from the sleeping agent and made her way to the kitchen isle, sitting down right next to the window.

 

That had definitely been a memory. There was no other explanation. Alex had told her about them working together to take down an illegal alien fight ring and that it had been the first time they had played pool together afterwards. It had been only a few weeks after they had first met.

 

Alex would be able to confirm her suspicion in the morning but Maggie knew she was right. There was a sense of recognition in her. That fight with Jessica had been coming for a while, even though she was surprised by how jealous the other woman seemed. She glanced at the ring on her hand. Well, in hindsight, maybe she had a right to be. Still, it was disheartening to see how little the other woman had trusted Maggie, especially compared to how Alex was treating her, despite knowing about her history with Emily.

 

Her relationship with Jessica had never been meant to last. She had known that pretty much from the beginning. And yet she had somehow gotten roped into it, trying her best to make it work and to make it last. She should have known when she got promoted that their days were numbered. Even before Jessica had started to complain about how much Maggie was working and she had known that things would only get more hectic if she joined the science division. Naively, Maggie had assumed that talking to Jessica about the issue beforehand would solve the problem. As it turned out, Jessica saying she was okay with her working more and Jessica actually being okay with it were two entirely different things.

 

She had been apprehensive about meeting her ex the next day before that memory, but now her stomach was turning at the thought. That scene in the car had been ugly, both because of things that were said but mostly because of the words that had been left unsaid. Usually Maggie didn't shy away from arguments but she understood why her former self hadn't pushed.

 

Jealousy always had an ugly element to it, and had the tendency to bring out the worst in people. Jessica had been jealous of the time Maggie spent doing her job, and that had somehow turned into an ugly attitude towards aliens. Jessica had been jealous of Alex and that had turned into her pushing Maggie away. The second part, Maggie could deal with. But the first part revealed something deeper, darker about the seemingly sweet woman Maggie thought she had been dating.

 

Maggie had always been the outsider. Growing up non-white in Blue Springs, Nebraska had pretty much guaranteed that. Being the gay kid that got thrown out of the house for confessing her feelings for her only friend on top of that? Maggie knew how it felt to be surrounded by strangers, willing to attack her for her existence alone. And while she couldn't fight for herself back then, now as a detective, she had the power to stand up for other outsiders. To stand up for those refugees from other planets, just trying to make a home on earth.

 

She knew that plenty of people considered aliens less valuable than humans. Granted, most of those seemed to be able to make an exemption for the Supers, but Maggie had a sneaking suspicion that most of that lenient attitude boiled down to those two looking like pretty much what any white middle aged suburban Republican man would think an ideal American should look like. Thank god Kara didn't have horns.

 

The fact that she had apparently misjudged Jessica so thoroughly made her slightly nauseous. A good portion of Maggie's colleagues fell somewhere on that xenophobic spectrum, but over time, Maggie had managed to change a few minds at least. It often was an exhausting and frustrating process so she tried to stay away from that in her private life.

 

She needed breaks from defending those aliens because every time she did, a little part of her felt like she was defending herself. Like she was fighting for that little fourteen year old girl who had been left by her dad in the snow because she had the audacity of falling in love with her best friend. Because she didn't fit his vision of normal.

 

Maggie shook her head. This memory was messing her up more then she thought it would. She couldn't remember the last time had actively thought about that day.

 

“You alright?”

 

Maggie's head whipped around at the sound of Alex voice. Her fiancee was sitting in their bed, watching her carefully. Maggie closed her eyes in defeat. So much for her plan to wait until morning to discuss things with Alex. She met the agent's eyes.

 

“I think I remembered something. Like an actual memory.”

 

Alex' eyes widened at the news and she sat up straight.

 

“Are you sure?”

 

Maggie shrugged and walked back to the bed to sit down next to Alex.

 

“As much as I can be. Could've been a dream I suppose. But there were quite a few details that match well with what you have told me.”

 

“If you tell me what you dreamed, maybe I can help. You could have woken me up, you know?”

 

“I know. It's not like I wanted to hide this from you. But you have to go back into work tomorrow and I just really wanted you to get a full eight hours of sleep beforehand. I know you haven't been sleeping well.”

 

Alex smiled at her and carefully nudged her shoulder.

 

“As much as I appreciate the thought, I have worked on three hours of sleep before and will do so again. What is happening with you right now? It is just as important to me as it is to you. So please, for future reference, don't hesitate to interrupt whatever I am doing, alright? Be it sleep or work, I really don't care. I want to know what's going on with you, and figuring out whether stuff you think you remember is actually a memory is something I can help you with, so please, just let me.”

 

Maggie thought that at some point she would get used to the feeling of someone else actually putting her first but she still wasn't. Somehow she was still surprised every single time Alex made it clear that she was her priority. But that uncomfortable feeling that usually came along with this realization, the feeling of impending doom, the feeling that this could never be anything but fake, was slowly starting to disappear. Maggie was done waiting for the other shoe to drop. Maybe she didn't deserve what Alex was offering, but all she could do about that was to try and pay Alex back in kind. Which, ironically was what she had been trying to do by trying to let the other woman sleep in, but if she wanted to talk now, they would talk now.

 

So she nodded and waited as Alex turned on the light. It was almost half past four. The alarm was going to go off in a little over an hour anyway. It was safe to assume neither one of them would be going back to sleep after this. Maggie fidgeted a little with her hands, not quite knowing where to start.

 

“Do you remember the night we took down Roulette?”

 

Alex nodded, wordlessly encouraging her to continue. So Maggie did.

 

“You asked me if I wanted to get drinks, but Jessica picked me up and I drove home with her. Only I didn't really, because we got into a huge fight on the way back and she pretty much kicked me out of her car. So I texted you, and we agreed to meet up back at the bar. Then I woke up.”

 

Maggie rushed out the words as fast as she could, not daring to look into Alex' eyes, too afraid that somehow, she was wrong after all. That her dream had been nothing but nerves about meeting Jessica today and that she would find nothing but sadness and pity in the agents face.

 

“That was the first time we played pool.”

 

She could hear the smile in Alex' voice as relief spread through her whole body. She looked up.

 

“So this happened?”

 

She needed to hear the words. As sure as she had been, now that she was able to get a definite confirmation, she needed to get it out loud.

 

“Yes.”

 

With that one one word, that one final confirmation, her world was beginning to snap back into its axis. Her and Alex were well on their way to rebuilding their relationship even without her memories. They clicked in a way Maggie hadn't thought possible. They would have been fine. They will be fine. But for Maggie personally, it meant the world. It meant taking back control. It meant that she wouldn't be at a total disadvantage when meeting Jessica later. It meant she wouldn't have to rely solely on Alex before meeting people she had interacted with in the last fourteen months.

 

She smiled at Alex with tears in her eyes, unable to speak. There were too many emotions to process right now. Alex carefully put a hand on her cheek and wiped away a single tear that had escaped before she continued, her tone light.

 

“You know, I kind of asked you out that night. I mean, I didn't really know that I was, but I was. And then that blonde showed up and kissed you right in front of me.”

 

Maggie could barely suppress a smile at the distaste in Alex voice when talking about 'that blonde'. It seemed like they had never really talked about what happened that night from Maggie's perspective. For a change, she was going to be able to fill in some blanks for Alex and she relished in the chance to do so. It gave her something to focus on in the emotional turmoil she found herself in.

 

“She was jealous of you. I knew she was going to be mad that I canceled on her to bust the fight ring, but I really didn't think that she would basically accuse me of cheating on her with you.”

 

Alex almost recoiled at the suggestion.

 

“She did what? Why? We barely knew each other and we were just talking.”

 

Once again Maggie was wondering how someone as cynical as Alex was in most aspects of life, was constantly thrown whenever someone didn't treat Maggie fairly. The same had happened when Alex had told her about how Jessica had dumped her. Yes, calling someone who cared about you a sociopath was cruel, but breakups sometimes were ugly, and that wasn't necessarily something surprising. Yet Alex seemed to think that attacking Maggie's personality and self-worth was something completely out of the norm. And now she was appalled at the suggestion that Maggie would cheat on Jessica, despite knowing that Maggie had cheated in the past. In all her life, Maggie had never met someone who cared as deeply and completely as Alex did. There was no doubt in her mind, that whatever happened, even if they were to break up, Alex would continue to care for and about her.

 

She leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Alex cheek as a silent thank you, taking the time to breath her in before pulling back and continuing their conversation.

 

“Jealousy isn't always rational. Besides..” Maggie gestured between the two of them. “She probably had a point.”

 

Alex smiled sheepishly and shrugged.

 

“Seeing you kiss her... I couldn't quite figure out what I was feeling back then but in hindsight? I was probably just as jealous as she was. God, I was so oblivious back then.”

 

The agent blushed at the admission and Maggie felt herself fall a little further for the woman in front of her. Their dynamic must have been so different when they started dating. With Alex navigating coming out and heavily relying on Maggie in the process probably meant that their roles had been practically the opposite of what they were now. Somehow they had found a way to an equal partnership back then and they were well on their way back to one now. All Maggie needed to do was to trust the other woman. And so she continued.

 

“The argument I had with Jessica... it wasn't pretty.”

 

Alex took her hand, barely suppressing the anger in her eyes.

 

“You never really talked about what happened that night. I was surprised to get your text back then, frankly. But I figured if you wanted to talk about it you would, and you didn't really say anything.”

 

“I don't really know what happened to be honest. I knew she was pissed because I stood her up, but it felt like that was only one of the things she was mad about. The woman who drove the car that night is not really the girl I remember dating.”

 

“I wish I could tell you more but I don't really know her. All I know is that the way she broke up with you was incredibly disrespectful and hurtful, especially considering you had been dating for quite some time. So maybe, the girl you remember dating was not all there was to Jessica.”

 

That was probably an understatement based on the conversation that took place in the car. But that was something she was going to have to discuss with Jessica. For now, she should probably focus on what little that memory had showed her about her relationship with Alex back then. Which, as little as it seemed to be, was a lot.

 

“I guess so...” Maggie trailed off and looked at their linked hands. “But you know what? Even then, I knew that getting that drink with you would make my night better.”

 

Alex didn't quite seem to know how to respond, her eyes dancing with happiness but unable to express the sentiment out loud. Wanting to see more of that smile Maggie carefully continued, knowing that she was about to take another step forward in their relationship.

 

“You do that now, too, you know? Making my days better. I trust you. And I haven't done that with anybody in a long time.”

 

It was so hard for Maggie to get the words out, to put herself out there, exposing herself emotionally. But the second she saw the look on Alex' face she knew it was worth it. The utter joy and relief that she was met with rendered her just as speechless as the other woman. But maybe right now they didn't need words. Maybe Maggie could show Alex how much she meant to her.

 

The silence dragged on and in the end Alex beat her to it. The other woman carefully leaned in, and only stopped inches before Maggie's face, her eyes dancing between her lips and eyes.

 

“Is this okay?”

 

Maggie barely managed to nod before she connected their lips. Alex met her kiss eagerly and immediately sought to deepen it. Which Maggie certainly didn't complain about, because, damn that woman could kiss. It started off slow, giving Maggie a chance to get used to the feel of the other woman. As she responded to Alex, Maggie tried to convey everything she couldn't yet say in those kisses. Her admiration and gratitude. How she couldn't believe how lucky she had gotten. How she was falling for the other woman at a speed that should probably scare her. How excited she was about their future.

 

The mood changed the second Alex pulled Maggie on top of her in an attempt to get even closer. This time there was no elevator ding to interrupt them. There was no elder couple awkwardly trying to get their attention. There was nothing but Alex' mouth on hers, Alex hands on her shoulder, her cheek, her hip... everywhere. She felt herself get lost in the rush, letting her own hands wander along her fiancee's side. She moved her mouth down Alex' jaw, to her neck, leaving open mouthed kisses on her path.

 

Alex moaned underneath her and Maggie felt the agents hands slipping under her shirt, pushing it up a little, but still hesitating to actually pull it off. And as much as Maggie wanted her to, as much as she wanted to go all the way, she knew that now wasn't the time. Not when she was still raw from that memory and all it had brought up. Not when she was nervous about meeting Jessica later. They both deserved better than that.

 

Somehow her fiancee seemed to know what she was thinking because her hands stopped wandering. She kissed her way back to Maggie's mouth, but this time when their lips touched, the kisses slowed, the rush was gone and it was as if there was an unspoken agreement between the two of them that this was as far as they were going to go at this moment. Which didn't mean that they couldn't enjoy what they were doing right now.

 

They continued making out, never crossing that invisible line they had set until Alex' alarm rang, signaling the start of the day. Alex groaned and tried to stop Maggie from pulling away. There was nothing that Maggie would have liked more than to continue what they were doing but at some point they had to get back to reality. And reality meant that Alex had to get ready for work with the added bonus of giving both of them some space to process.

 

The past day had been intense on every level. They had only kissed for the first time a few hours ago, Maggie had met people who were her friends, even though she couldn't remember them, had to deal with Jessica once again and on top of that had started to remember, which in turn brought up a lot of issues from the past. It was time for her to take a step back and breathe.

 

So she pressed one last, lingering kiss on Alex lips before climbing out of the bed. She ignored the playful pout her fiancee was sporting and moved towards the coffee machine. As she prepared breakfast for the two of them, Alex finally managed to get out of bed and get ready for the day.

 

The sun was coming up and by the light of a new day it all felt strangely... domestic. Like they had done this routine countless times before. Which they probably had. Only now Maggie wasn't sure how Alex took her coffee or whether she liked her bagel toasted or not. Before she could dwell on it Alex came out of the bathroom, kissed her cheek and took one cup of coffee. Black. Well, that wasn't all that surprising.

 

“Don't you dare burn my bagel to death.”

 

That answered the other question.

 

“What, no fan of roasting flavor, Danvers?”

 

Alex pulled a face.

 

“No, just not a fan of eating charcoal. Gross!”

 

Maggie chuckled as she put syrup into her coffee and saw how Alex playfully rolled her eyes. She was well aware that some of her food choices were somewhat special, for lack of a better word, but she would stick by them until the day she died. As a matter of principle.

 

Alex took a sip of her coffee.

 

“Are you sure it's okay with you if I am going back to work today?”

 

This woman. She knew from what others had told her that Alex was just as much a workaholic as she was, if not worse, so her offer to stay home was a big gesture. But an unnecessary one.

 

“You're sweet, Danvers, but yes, I am sure. I need some time to process and prepare for meeting Jessica later anyway. Besides, I'll see you at the DEO afterwards, right?”

 

Alex's mood visibly darkened for a second at the mention of the other woman but she recovered immediately to smile at Maggie and nodded at the question.

 

“Yes. Do you want me to pick you up at the restaurant later?”

 

Maggie simply nodded and smiled into her coffee. They finished their breakfast in comfortable silence but in Maggie's head the wheels were turning. This was good. Just sitting there, planning their days and eating breakfast. She could get used to this. She wanted to get used to it. And she wanted to make sure that she would get a chance to get used to it. So she stopped Alex just before she could leave.

 

“So... um.”

 

Alex looked at her questioningly, an amused smile playing around her lips. Maggie cursed herself. She knew Alex was going to say yes. Why was she being so nervous?

 

“So, uh, you wanna have dinner tonight? With me, I mean.”

 

Wow. She was twenty nine, has had more than a few girlfriends in her lifetime and here she was struggling to ask her fiancee out. What was wrong with her?

 

“Are you asking me out on a date?”

 

A happy smile played around Alex' lips as she raised an eyebrow in question.

 

“Yes?”

 

Goddammit. She used to be proud of how smooth she was with the ladies. And now she wasn't able to make her intentions clear without it sounding like a question. This was pathetic. Thankfully Alex pressed a quick kiss on her lips before she could continue to embarrass herself.

 

“I'd love to, Maggie.”

 

And then with a wink she was out the door, leaving a dumbfounded Maggie standing alone in the apartment. After a moment she shrugged. That could have gone worse. Besides, there was no time to lose, she had a date with her hot fiancée to prepare.

 


	18. That could have gone better (Maggie)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maggie meets up with her ex. It doesn't go great.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oooops? I am sorry for the wait, all I have to say for myself is that I was really stuck with this chapter and life happened as it usually does. I really meant to upload sooner. But, again, I will finish this story. That much I can promise.  
> Anyways, I hope the four or five of you who might still be reading this enjoy the chapter and please let me know what you think. Comments really do help to motivate me with my writing. 
> 
> If you want to yell at me to type faster you can also do that on twitter under @kleinuhandlich

Maggie was sitting in the restaurant, nervously playing with the straw in her water. She was early, but the nerves had pushed her out of the house before she could chicken out of the meeting. Asking Alex out right before meeting up with her ex had proven to be a horrible idea. Usually Maggie was pretty good with taking a lady out. Dinner... dinner and a movie, a nice walk in the park, whatever she was in the mood for at a certain night. 

But this was Alex. The woman she had promised to marry. That meant, the first date should be special, right? And now she was left with little over a few hours to plan for something for the same evening. She briefly considered asking Kara for help but then decided against it. She would figure something out. And if time ran out on her, she had already made reservation at her favorite restaurant, that thankfully hadn't closed down in the past few months, so there was at least a back up plan.

When the time came for her to leave she still hadn't come up with anything useful, so she decided to just wing it. Maybe a simple restaurant date would be the best thing. Maybe there would be less pressure on them that way. Then again, a first date with your fiancee was bound to get awkward. Maggie cursed herself. Why the hell had she asked Alex out before making plans? She sighed. Because she was a spontaneous romantic, that's why. Planning has never been her strong suit. 

Her thoughts were interrupted when a shadow fell over the table in front of her. 

“Hi. You're early.”

Startled she looked up at Jessica, who looked surprised to see her there, waiting. Her ex sat down in front of her, giving her a quick once over. Suddenly Maggie felt self conscious. Jessica had clearly made an effort, wearing casual, yet somewhat fancy looking clothes. Maggie, meanwhile was sitting there in jeans and the most comfortable sweater she had been able to find at Alex' apartment. She shrugged. It didn't matter. For one she was still recovering from some pretty heavy injuries and secondly she really wasn't here to impress anyone. So she simply shrugged it off and smiled at Jessica.

“Hey. Yeah, wasn't sure how long it would take me from the new place.”

Jessica raised an eyebrow in doubt.

“Well, you being early definitely is a first.”

Maggie rubbed the back of her head, somewhat embarrassed. While it was obvious that the comment was meant to be teasing, she still felt a little guilty for all the times she has had to stand Jessica up or had her waiting because of her job. But that was how things went when you were a cop and she shouldn't feel guilty about wanting to do her job and help people. Which was precisely the reason their relationship had to end. She shrugged.

“I guess some things do change. Of course it helps that I am still on medical leave.”  
Jessica studied her carefully and nodded in agreement. 

“To be honest I am surprised you are okay with that. The Maggie I knew would have just sat up camp at the police department until someone gives in and gives her something to work on.”

Maggie fiddled with her fingers. Of course Jessica was right. But then again, things had changed for her in the past few weeks, more than she could have ever predicted. She loved her job and she longed to get back to it. But finding a way back to the life she must have lived before seemed just as important, if not more so at the moment. Her job would be there, waiting for her as soon as she was healed up. And knowing that Alex was out there, helping Kara to watch over National City made her feel a little less guilty for taking some time off.

“Let's just say, losing your memories... it kind of puts things into perspective. Right now I am no good to anyone. So I'll work on getting better until I am.”

Jessica looked at her in disbelief and crossed her arms. 

“Okay, who are you and what have you done with Maggie Sawyer?”

Maggie had to bite back a smile. That was for her to know, and for her only. So instead of answering she gestured at the menus in front of them.

“How about we order?”

xx

Jessica smiled at her over the table, their meals mostly finished. 

“This is nice. Feels just like old times, doesn't it?”

Maggie shrugged. Their lunch should have been nice but the longer it went on, the more awkward it felt. They had talked a little about what Jessica had been up to in the last year but other than that it had been mostly meaningless small talk. And whenever Maggie tried to steer the conversation to their relationship and breakup, Jessica had deflected the question like a professional con artist. And Maggie was getting sick of it. So she decided to drop all attempts at subtlety and approach the subject head on.

“I guess. It just feels like there is this giant elephant in the room that you are trying to avoid at all cost, whenever I bring it up.”

She looked Jessica straight in the eyes and crossed her arms.

“What do you mean?”

Now Maggie was really getting annoyed. They talked about getting lunch precisely because Jessica promised to tell her about what happened between them. 

“Don't play dumb, Jessica, we both know what I am talking about. Our breakup. Which I can't exactly remember. The other week you told me you would tell me what happened.”

She didn't need to look at Jessica to know that her ex was getting uncomfortable but frankly, she didn't care. Jessica had always liked to avoid confrontation until things really blew up. If Maggie had to artificially make that happen in order to have a real conversation she was more than willing to do so.

“Is that really what you want to talk about right now, Maggie? We are having such a nice time. Do you really want to ruin that?”

It was almost sad how predictable Jessica's reaction was. Of course she would try to turn things around on Maggie. That's what she had always done. And for a while there, during their relationship Maggie had been willing to play along. But not anymore. There was no reason for Jessica to get angry when all Maggie wants from her is the truth. 

“Yes Jessica. Because, as you might remember my tolerance level for bullshit is close to zero. If we really want to try and move forward as friends, we need to put our cards on the table. And I don't really feel like small talk beforehand is going to make this any easier.”

At that Jessica deflated a little, clearly not having expected Maggie to push back. She lowered her voice, the hint of anger and annoyance gone immediately. 

“Okay. You are right. I am sorry. What do you want to know?”

Maggie briefly pondered telling Jessica about the argument that she had remembered the other night but finally decided against it. Something wasn't feeling right about their meeting, and that feeling had progressively worsened over the course of their time together. She simply didn't trust Jessica anymore. Which was ironic, considering how much trust she was putting into Alex, after knowing her for barely more than two weeks. But she had learned to trust her guts when it came to people, so that's what she was doing now. She just hoped she was right.

“Well, I know that you dumped me. And from what I remember I have a pretty good idea why you did it, but I want to hear it from you.”

Might as well go for the blunt approach, since subtle didn't seem to do the trick earlier. Jessica seemed taken aback slightly but willing to talk. Which was exactly where Maggie wanted to have her. 

“Honestly, I was just sick of playing second fiddle to your job. I though breaking up with you would be a warning shot, and that you'd see what you were missing and that you would come back to me.”

There was that slight layer of annoyance in her voice again. Jessica hated her job way before things went bad between them. And Maggie didn't doubt that ultimately that was the reason Jessica decided to end things, but she was surprised to hear that Jessica hadn't meant for the break up to be permanent. From what Alex had told her it had been ugly. 

She crooked her head and studied the other woman carefully. She had a sneaking suspicion why Jessica had decided to dress up for their lunch meeting. And if that suspicion was right, she needed to proceed with caution. Because there was no way Jessica was going to get what she apparently came here for. So Maggie tried to keep her face neutral, trying not to give Jessica anything to go on. She wouldn't say anything before her suspicions were confirmed.

“That doesn't seem to have worked out well for you...”

Jessica chuckled at that, but remained tense.

“No. It really didn't.”

Clearly her ex had decided that two could play at that game of not giving anything away. They stared at each other, neither one willing to give in until Maggie finally relented.

“So, did I ever try to come after you?”

Maggie didn't know why she asked this particular question. Was she trying to set a trap for her ex? From what Alex had told Maggie, and the timetable of them getting together it seemed unlikely for Maggie to have tried to get back together with Emily. What she remembered last night supported that assumption. Then again, she had a tendency to make stupid decisions when she was feeling down. Prime example being her cheating on Emily. So she wouldn't put it past her past self to try and repair a non functional relationship. 

“You did. A few weeks after you texted me, told me you were sorry and asked if we could meet up.”

For the first time Jessica didn't answer immediately but took a second to think about what she was going to say. Maggie crooked her head and studied her ex-girlfriend carefully. A few weeks could mean anything but she knew that Alex and her had started dating fairly quickly after Jessica had dumped her. And she knew that she wouldn't have cheated on Alex. She wouldn't have cheated on Jessica either. That one had been a once in a lifetime mistake she wouldn't have repeated under any circumstances. 

“Are you sure? Because I am pretty sure that I had already started dating Alex by then.”

Jessica's face flinched at the mention of her fiancee and her eyes turned cold. 

“Well, maybe your relationship wasn't as rosy as she is trying to make you believe.”

Apparently Maggie had finally hit a nerve. And was now almost one hundred percent certain that Jessica was not telling the truth. So she decided to push a little further. 

“I think that what Alex is or isn't trying to make me believe is none of your business right now. You know, I really wanted to see whether we could be friends, but seeing as you are openly lying to me right now, I don't think that will work.”

The more she thought about it, the angrier she got. How dare Jessica accuse Alex of manipulating her when in fact it was her ex herself trying to do that very thing. Whatever game Jessica was playing, it was not why she had come here. 

She had been skeptical after that memory had come back but some part of her had still hoped that she and Jessica could find a way to move on from their past. It was out of the question now. She grabbed her wallet and pulled out a couple of bills. 

Jessica seemed to sense that their meeting was about to end very abruptly and grabbed Maggie's hand as she was attempting to get up. 

“Maggie wait! I am sorry. I didn't mean to lie.”

Maggie reluctantly sat back down, more because she didn't want Jessica to make a scene in the restaurant than because she wanted to continue their conversation. She fixed her ex with a cold glare.

“And yet you did. You know I am at a disadvantage here and you are trying to take advantage of it. Of me. Why?”

Jessica was clearly changing tactics now. Gone was the fake friendliness in her voice, and gone was the annoyance. She was openly pleading with Maggie now.

“Because I was hurt. I really thought we had something. And when you didn't came after me like I hoped, I was heartbroken.”

Maggie shook her head. Dumping someone to make them run after them was about the stupidest thing she could imagine. And she had been in a lot of weird relationships that had ended for a lot of weird reasons. But this took the cake. She had honestly expected Jessica to know her better than that. 

“You broke up with me!”

At this point Maggie was having a hard time keeping her voice down. This was stupid. What was she even doing here? She could have spent the entire time planning her date with Alex and now she was stuck in a restaurant with her ex, trying to keep her temper in check.

“Yes, and it was a mistake! And by the time I realized that you had already started to date that FBI agent. And then out of the blue you are engaged to that FBI agent. Do you have any idea how that made me feel?”

Jessica's voice grew louder and louder and she barely tried to hide the accusation in it. Other patrons at the restaurant were starting to glance at them, making Maggie even more uncomfortable than she had been before. This was an ugly conversation no matter what, but she really didn't need an audience for it. 

“Honestly, no. But at that point, that was none of your business anymore. Besides, it's not like our issues back then came out of nowhere.”

She purposefully lowered her voice as she answered, hoping to calm Jessica down. 

“I am sure we could have worked it out.”

Jessica almost sounded petulant right now. Maggie sighed. This conversation was going nowhere and the only thing she had gotten out of it was the confirmation of how lucky she had gotten with Alex. This person sitting opposite of her? The fact that they had dated for over a year seemed almost impossible now.

“What do you want from me, Jessica? Why am I here? Because it sure as hell doesn't seem like you are trying to be my friend right now.”

Jessica scoffed at Maggie finally pointing out the obvious.

“Of course I am not. Don't you see? You losing your memory and forgetting all the drama and the breakup? It's a second chance for us, and I am sure as hell not going to waste it.”

Maggie looked at her incredulously. Did Jessica really think that after all this she would just fall into her arms? 

“You do realize that I am still engaged right?”

But Jessica didn't back down. 

“To someone you don't remember, sure.”

“Are you serious right now?”

“Come on Maggie, what was I supposed to think? You lost your memory and the last thing you remember was us dating. Of course I am going to think that there is a chance for us. Especially since you suddenly seemed willing to settle down right after we broke up.”

Did Jessica really think that her being willing to marry someone else had anything to do with her? She had known that the other woman could be a little superficial and conceited at times but this was beyond anything Maggie had been privy to during their entire relationship.

“Ever think that that might have had something to do with the person I was dating then? As in, someone who was not you?”

No point in holding back now. She needed this conversation to be over and maybe brutal honesty was the way to do that. 

“I think we dated, it got serious, and you just took on more and more work because you were afraid of that.”

Maggie just scoffed. 

“Wow. You really are that full of yourself aren't you?”

Jessica seemed unwilling to give up just yet. She tried to take her hand but Maggie pulled away before she could actually touch her. 

“Come on, Maggie, you know it's true. I still love you. I never really stopped. This is our chance.”

Love? Maggie almost had to laugh. Jessica hadn't been in love with her while they were dating. Just as Maggie hadn't been in love with Jessica. They had liked each other, sure, even though right now Maggie could barely remember why. But that was it. 

Jessica trying to get her back was nothing more than a power play to prove that she could get her back, of that Maggie was sure. What she didn't know was whether Jessica realized that herself but at this point she was too tired to get into that particular argument with her ex. She didn't owe her anything. Not anymore. So she simply got up, put a few bills on the table and took her jacket. As she was about to leave she turned around one last time. 

“You know, I really liked you. For a time. We weren't perfect together but I liked you. Now I wonder how that even happened. Because the person I thought I knew wouldn't be trying to take advantage of someone who lost their memories to trick them back into a relationship that clearly wasn't working. And I can't trust that person to be my friend. Goodbye Jessica. I hope you have a good life. And please... lose my number.”

As she left the restaurant she felt like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. Sure, that could have gone better but now she knew for sure that she didn't want the other woman in her life. And that whatever had actually gone down between them, it was for the better. Jessica was her past. She really hoped Alex would be her future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... as promised, no love triangle, just Maggie putting her past behind her.


	19. Escort to the DEO (Alex)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex picks Maggie up from her lunch meeting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for all the nice comments on the last chapter, it really helped writing this one a lot faster. This might be a little bit of a filler (whatever that even means nowadays), but the chapter was getting way too long with what I have planned, so I split it up into two. Besides, I kinda really wanted to get back to Maggie's POV for the tour through the DEO.  
> I hope you enjoy and let me know what you think :)

_“We finished a little early. If you finally tell me where it is, I could just meet you at your work.”_

Alex felt the phone vibrate in her pocket and was thankful for the interruption. She'd been tense all morning. She didn't like the idea of leaving Maggie at home, still recovering from the effects of the attack and she liked it even less when she knew that her fiancée was going into a meeting with her ex that could go anywhere from extremely uncomfortable to emotionally draining.

So she was relieved to her from Maggie even though she couldn't help but wonder why their lunch had been cut short. Judging by the fact that her fiancée was already needling about where the DEO was again, it was safe to assume that she was mostly okay. Alex smiled to herself. Of course she could have told Maggie where the DEO was but she was kind of looking forward to seeing her face when she realized that the detective had passed the building every day on her way to work, without knowing.

The last time she got to show Maggie around the DEO she didn't really get to do the whole tour. Maggie had been injured by the Infernian and had been rushed in to test for any possible side effects. While the detective had been somewhat surprised to discover the base of operations right in the middle of National City for everyone to see, other things had been more important back then. This time? This time she could really show her around. And she wouldn't just give the surprise away by text.

“Is that Maggie?” Kara entered her lab in full Supergirl get up. She had been checking on Alex all morning, knowing full well that she'd be worrying about Maggie. She sighed theatrically.

“Am I really that predictable?”

“Alex, you have been checking your mobile every five minutes despite having it on loud all morning. This is the first time I have seen you smile since you came in today. So yes, you are that predictable. And, might I add, it's great to see you smile again.”

As much as Alex hated showing off the softer sides of her personality at work, she sometimes couldn't help herself when it came to Maggie. And of course Kara called her out on it every single time, genuinely happy to finally see Alex truly happy. “Yeah... pffft.”

Kara just squeezed Alex's shoulder and thankfully decided to let of off the hook.

“So how'd that lunch go?”

Now that was the real question at the moment. Maggie had texted her, which meant she didn't want to be alone, which was a good sign. On top of that she still wanted to see the DEO, so Alex just hoped for the best.

“I don't know. She just said that they finished early and asked me where to go, knowing full well that I wasn't going to tell her.”

Alex tried her best but she failed to suppress the shit-eating grin that always seemed to take over her face when she thought about teasing Maggie. Kara simply raised an eyebrow in response. “You are enjoying this way too much.”

Alex simply shrugged. “I am.” She was about to answer Maggie when she got an idea. “Hey Kara, could you do me a favour?”

“Want a lift?” Kara raised a surprised eyebrow.

Back when they were teenagers, Alex used to let Kara take her flying quite often until Eliza eventually caught on, but now as adults it had become a last resort, only used when Alex needed to be rescued. Alex cherished her independence, needed it, to some extent, to prove to herself that she didn't have to depend on Supergirl but she also really didn't want to make a potentially vulnerable Maggie wait. So she simply nodded.

“You know I wouldn't ask under normal circumstances, but...” Kara smiled widely and scooped her up before she could even finish the sentence.

“Say no more.”

They landed in a back alley right next to the restaurant were Maggie and Jessica had met. After making sure that Alex would text her if anything bad had happened, Kara took off before she could be seen by anyone. Alex stepped out of the alleyway and immediately saw Maggie sitting on a bench a few feet down the road, lost in thought.

Alex approached her from behind. “Hey you.”

Maggie jerked a little and Alex immediately got worried. It really wasn't like Maggie not to be aware of her surroundings, but the detective recovered quickly.

“Hey. How'd you get here? I just texted you.” She looked confused from her phone to Alex and back to her phone before it clicked. “Kara?”

Alex smiled and nodded in confirmation. “Kara. Besides, it's not that far from here. I just didn't want to make you wait.”

She held out her hands, pulled Maggie up from the bench into a careful embrace and immediately felt herself relax at the familiarity of the moment, as brief as it was. Maggie  slipped one hand into hers and shot her a smirk.

“You just really wanted to be the one to show me to your super secret lair, admit it, Danvers.”

Alex just smiled. “Maybe.” Maggie was clearly trying to keep the tone of the conversation light but Alex couldn't help herself. “Are you alright?”

The answer came immediately. “Yes.”

“Can I ask... I mean, you don't have to say if you don't want to, but how did things go back there?”

Alex nervously glanced at Maggie's face, hoping she hadn't overstepped just now. It took a while for Maggie to open up during their relationship, and even as she got more comfortable with Alex and had learned to trust her it was still a constant struggle. So Alex knew that she was asking a lot here.

“You're sweet. Of course you can. Honesty, remember?”

To her surprise there was not one sign of hesitation in Maggie. She simply squeezed hand and pulled her in for a quick peck on the lips. It was meant to be short and reassuring but Alex felt herself get lost in the other woman the second their lips touched and was more than surprised when she felt Maggie chuckle against her lips and pull away. “I mean we could also just do that. Definitely nicer than talking about my ex.”

Alex blinked a few times. Ex. Jessica. Lunch. Right. Back on topic. Kissing, later, with any luck. Right now, she needed to make sure that her fiancée was okay.

“So, what happened?”

Maggie sighed and sat back down on the bench, pulling Alex with her.

“It was okay in the beginning, I guess. The second we started talking about real stuff, it wasn't. Long story short, she apparently thought my memory loss was the perfect opportunity for her to manipulate me into getting back together with her.”

It took all of her self control for Alex not to jump up and start looking for someone to punch. Specifically Jessica. Her wanting to get back with Maggie was one thing, Alex couldn't really blame her for that, but it was the first part of that sentence that set off her alarm bells. Whether she liked it or not, without her memories Maggie was at a disadvantage in any conversation she was having. The thought of someone trying to use that to their advantage made her blood boil. But this was Maggie's story, and if she said she was okay, then Alex would believe her. So she bit her tongue and gestured for the detective to continue.

“Manipulate how?”

Maggie seemed to have noticed Alex tense up because she squeezed her hand reassuringly before she continued, her voice taking on a slightly sarcastic tone.

“She only broke up with me to get me to run after her, apparently”

Alex flashed back to that night back in the bar, when Maggie told her about the breakup. - _She dumped you? Who'd do that?-_ She had asked, completely flabbergasted by the idea of someone being lucky enough to be with Maggie and voluntarily letting her go. She really should have caught onto that gay thing a lot sooner. But the whole idea of someone dumping Maggie? It made even less sense to her now that she was actually with the detective. And someone knowing how lucky they were to have Maggie and risking that for a stupid power move to get her to give in? Plain stupid.

Apparently she didn't do a great job hiding her thoughts, because it took only one look from Maggie at her face before she nodded and continued. “Yeah, that's what I thought. I mean, I know it was for the better. She needed me to be someone I am not. I just don't understand how she didn't see that.”

Alex shrugged. “Well, I am not going to argue with anyone finding you amazing. Because you are. But I still don't like her.”

She was rewarded with a kiss on the cheek.

“Flatterer.”

“I try.” She smiled but then turned serious again. “So... what happened next?”

As much as she enjoyed flirting with her fiancee she knew she was still missing a significant part of the story. Thankfully, Maggie still seemed to be in a sharing mood.

“Well she tried to tell me that I did in fact try to get back with her. Only with what I remembered it wouldn't make sense for me to do that.”

Alex thought back to the time shortly before they came together. Maggie hadn't taken that breakup all that well. She had later confided in her, that most of that had been down to her just being frustrated at not making yet another relationship work, despite it being good on paper but that didn't change the facts. It was entirely possible that Maggie would have tried to get in contact with Jessica again. Even early into their relationship, when Alex had decided to end things with Maggie out of the blue because Kara was missing... who could have blamed her for reaching out to Jessica then?

“I don't know Maggie... you were pretty down right after the break up.”

But Maggie didn't seem to be deterred by her words. “That is entirely possible. From what you told me, the words she chose to dump me were eerily reminiscent of what went down with Emily, when I tried so hard not to fall back into that kind of behavior.”

Which was the main reason Alex detested Jessica. No matter how painful a break up was, there really was no need to tear the other person down quite that viciously. And the thought of someone doing that to Maggie, who still loathed herself for what happened with Emily made her incredibly angry. But right now was not the place for that. Right now she needed to be there for Maggie. “You didn't do anything wrong, Maggie...”

And for once, Maggie didn't disagree and that fact alone made Alex more happy than she had thought possible dealing with the aftermath of a lunch date between Maggie and Jessica.

“I know. But it's still a sore subject, or at least it was back then. So yeah, me being down would make sense. But Alex, I don't know how much we talked about Jessica, but I was never in love with her. Never. I feel more for you now, after barely a couple of weeks then I did back then for Jessica. I need you to know that.”

Alex let the words rush over her and felt warmth spread all through her body. Maggie was being so open with her feelings and she couldn't help but fall a little further for the detective.

“It's... we never actually really went into the whole Jessica issue. We talked a lot about Emily and you said that this was the most serious relationship you had been in, before me, so I kind of guessed as much, but I didn't want to assume. It wouldn't change anything if you had been though, I hope you know that. I would still trust you with her.”

Maggie looked at her for a long while, not saying anything, her eyes dancing all over Alex' face before she finally cleared her throat.

“I honestly don't know what I did to deserve you, Danvers.”

Alex could barely suppress a scoff at that. Both of them have had some struggles with their sense of self-worth but together had managed to reach the point where both of them were grateful to have found the other but had slowly started to come to terms with the fact that on top of that they deserved the happiness that came with being together. But that was a discussion for another day. So she simply nudged Maggie's shoulder and tried to lighten the mood.

“You mean, besides being your amazing self?”

Instead of flirting back like Alex had hoped, Maggie turned red and lowered her head.

“Did I ever get used to all those compliments?”

Or maybe they needed to have that talk right now. As amazing as Maggie had been at constantly reminding Alex that she deserved to be happy and needed to embrace the feeling, when the tables were turned she was almost as bad as Alex, if not worse. Which obviously didn't stop her from reminding Maggie of just how great she was at every opportunity she was given. And at some point after they got engaged Maggie had slowly started not to deflect whenever Alex tried to tell her.

“Let's call it a work in progress. I won't give up though. You are amazing, and you deserve to know and most importantly believe that.”

Maggie still hadn't looked up and had dropped Alex' hand in favour of kneading her fingers. Alex could see that her eyes were slowly turning watery and she figured it might be better to continue this conversation back at home, where they both felt safe enough to confront the hurt that came with the topic. So she stood up and offered a hand to the detective.

“How about you tell me the rest on the way to the DEO? If you still want to see it that is. We should probably start heading there if we want to make that date that you promised me this morning.”

 

xx

 

“You're kidding me, right?”

Maggie had indeed wanted to see the DEO and in fact seemed grateful for the distraction. She had filled in Alex on the rest of her lunch with Jessica and while Alex was seething at the gall of that woman, Maggie had actually seemed at peace with what happened, so the agent decided to let it go and focus on their day. And so they found themselves in front of the second largest tower in National City when Alex pulled Maggie to a stop.

“I am not.”

Alex could barely hold back a laugh at the dumbfounded expression in Maggie's face. This was going even better than she had hoped.

Maggie crossed her arms. “I was skeptical when you said it was within the city center of National City. But now you're just messing with me. You guys don't have the balls to put one of the most secretive governmental black ops operation in the second highest tower in the City.”

“Ah, but we do. We also have some facilities outside of the city limits.” There was something about teasing Maggie that turned Alex back into a giddy teenager and she was savoring every minute of it.

“You are enjoying this, aren't you?” Maggie tried to hide her own smile but Alex' enthusiasm seemed hard to ignore.

Alex allowed her shit-eating grin to spread even wider as she answered the detective. “So, so much.”

Maggie harrumphed and turned her attention back to the tower, scanning it for any signs that would mark it as home for one of the most secretive organizations in America but looked to be coming up empty. “How do you get away with it?”

Alex lead her into the building and nodded to the doorman as she explained quietly. “Most people think it's a tech analyzing firm that has rented the top floors. Also good acoustic insulation. And ever since Supergirl showed up it doesn't even look particularly strange when the larger towers get hit with yet another alien attack. The best place to hide is always where people wouldn't think to look. And judging by your reaction I think we did a pretty good job with that.”

“That is insane, Danvers.”

Alex simply shrugged, still silently basking in the triumph of having managed to surprise the detective who had made her cover by their second meeting. She pulled out a badge from the back of her jeans and dangled it in front of Maggie who eagerly grabbed it.

“There is your access. Just put it into the elevator slot and it'll go right up to the 33rd floor. Which is where our base of operations is.”

As they entered the elevator Maggie was buzzing with excitement and this time it was purely because she was about to see the base of operations of the boogeyman, as she had once referred to the DEO. As much as she hadn't minded the make out sessions during the elevator rides to her place in the past week, Alex loved seeing Maggie this way.

“Do I need to blindfold you to keep the suspense going?”

She tried to tease the detective some more but Maggie wasn't deterred. Instead she simply watched as the elevator slowly climbed up the building.

“I think those elevator doors are thick enough to prevent me from seeing anything, Danvers. Unlike your sister I don't have x-ray vision. But if you do want to blindfold me, I can think of one or two situations where I might allow you to.”

Maggie winked at her and Alex felt her brain short circuit. To be fair, she had walked right into that one, but she hadn't expected for Maggie to pick up on it. This woman was going to be the death of her. And now, instead of leading the other woman out of the elevator she was spluttering and stumbling behind Maggie, who was strutting ahead with a cocky grin on her lips. God damn, she loved that woman.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> up next: a tour through the DEO and hopefully that date.
> 
> you can also find me on twitter under @kleinuhandlich


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